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I am confused.. please help...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Allie, Apr 12, 2010.

  1. Allie

    Allie New IL'ite

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    Dear ladies,

    Thanks again for the constructive suggestions.. I will talk again to DH and try to reason with him to take a house near ILs place... I have recently got promoted in my job and I enjoy my work a lot.. so I definitely want to continue! I was willing to stay with them and manage job and home without a maid if DH could help me a little .. but he leaves very early for office and comes very late.
    Now after all the abuse I have heard from them I also have a lot of resistance to them... I barely manage to smile at them and avoid all conversation with them.... I used to feel really stressed out wondering why I am being tortured like this but reading some of the posts here made me realise that so many people are suffering so much more that I am... and struggling on in life... I hope I can also do something with my life and not give way....

    Thanks and regards,
    Allie
     
  2. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    I was willing to stay with them and manage job and home without a maid if DH could help me a little .. but he leaves very early for office and comes very late.

    Allie, This is a very bad idea. You are going to start with your in laws permanently. You say your MIL is abusive. When you are in your in laws house, go with your own ammunition. Meaning hire a maid and a cook. Be firm on that. You said you got a promotion too and your job is important to you. I understand that. We all have priorities. This is yours.

    All tables turn to back to how it was earlier after a few days or months of living there. I am leaning more towards days.Your MIL will be back to how she was . Can you handle it? Your job is a breather for you. Dont think of leaving it to set right everything at home. It almost never works. For one thing your in laws maybe more upset becoz you are more inclined to get separated and now thinking of staying.Go with a firm mind and not an open mind. With in laws who make us a target day in and day out we need to NOT have open mind but ONLY firm mind. Do that first. Hire a maid and cook asap. Tell your husband and in laws not ask that you need the hired help. Thats the only way it will work out for you. Hire somebody trustworthy.

    Coming to your husband DO NOT I mean Do not ever expect a permanent help from him and say we can not hire help. It wont work. Probability is the help from husband will fizzle out in a week or 2. If it doesnt your in laws will convince him you dont need help. Then what? You are back to doing all work and blame yourself for not taking a step in the right time. With his family help he is more inclined to say he cant do anything and you have to manage everything. My husband does that too even being so far off.

    Set the rules and tell your husband you will stay with in laws provided you get help . Not from family but hired help. If he says yes then say you will continue. Otherwise be firm and be ready for showdowns before you get to him agreeing to your choice.This shud work with you not buckling down at any instance. Good Luck.
     

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