I am confused.. please help...

OH Dear

We cannot satisfy all at same time.
Here and there we have to adjust and pull strings accordingly.
Never leave the job. Gain your DH confidence and talk and speak to him alone. This is not a two day work or a week work. Talk to him slowly and take a month time to convince him,
Make him understand that you will go mad if you stay at home and listen to MILs words full time, then in turn u will show the anger and frustration on the kid, by beating it.
I know in lots of joint families where the DIl face MIl's abuses show their anger to their kids and kids in turn become violent and suffered attention deficiency.

Speak to him openly, and go for a seperate home. Only one life why you want to suffer........

Nothing will happen to your Ils, but visit them weekly once and in all festival days, so that your kid will get to know them.

Try some emotional tactics also like """" you are depending on him and you left your home and came to live with him and for him"""""""""""'. He will be convinced soon. but it is a slow process..........

All the best
Regards
Mrs.N

 

I see following options:
1) Leave your job.
2) File for divorce.
3) Hire cooks + nanny against their wishes and give it a try in that house for a while. I know they'll make all attempts to throw that help out but then keep paying the servant... they're finally used to lowest level abuses.

I felt a lot of relief from abuses cos now they were directed to servants & they dint mind it.

 

can you move to city closer to your parents house and ask inlaws to join you there? your house, you could do what you need.

may be your parents can still care for your kid and u just need to figure out house maid part with inlaws..

 

Try to convince ur DH to keep a full time maid and babysitter. In all probability ur in laws will have a problem with the maid as well. This might just make ur DH realize what his parents are trying to do.

U know most even my in laws created a big fuss wen i kept a babysitter in the house. My mil created a big scene. It did not work in her favor bcoz my husband though still a mama's boy did realize how his mom was manipulating the entire household.

 

dear Allie

i feel so bad for you.

Try to talk to your DH openly. Tell him that apart from his parents he has a certain responsibility towards you and your child. You and your child will be with him for life so he should not sacrifice your wishes and your life for the sake of his unreasonable parents.
If he feels bad when ur MIL abuses you then he should sit down and find a solution to this problem. He should discuss with his parents that they should respect you.
After all love and respect can not be one sided its a give and take kinda thing.
Regarding your job and house work : i ll advise you NOT to leave ur job at all. and try to get some maid whether your inlaws allow or not. tell them that you are not able to manage with house work along with office. And tell them that for your child's future and ur satisfaction your job is important for you.

This matter needs to be discussed openly among you your DH ans ILs.

Hope this helps:thumbsup

 

I second Deep. The matter will be resolved only if you keep a maid and/or babysitter. You need to convince your DH on this.

Why does he think that he's pushing his parents 'that much'. It is simple, either they (in-laws) do the house work and care for the baby or you do it. You can not do it because of the job. So the only option is they should do it or let any maid do it. There is no 'pushing' in this.

I think, your in-laws are unnecessarily creating a fuss on keeping a maid as they actually want you to leave the job. They might be thinking that you'll be tired of managing house and job and baby alone then will leave the job eventually.

Anyways, discuss this matter with DH, appoint a maid and explain her (maid) in private about the complaining nature of the ILs. This will give the maid some background and frame of mind to accept their possible bad-mouthing, so lesser chances of maid leaving the job prematurely

and last but not the least...stop worrying about 'what if they fall ill due to your actions'...whatever you are doing is in best interest of the peace of the house, you DH and child, so no blame to you if they are misinterpreting...in my opinion, nothing will happen to them (I've seen such people who use their ill-health as a weapon, sympathy gainer, threat and what not)....

~S.

 

Allie,

I can understand your pain and MIL also exactly same like your MIL.She doens't like any maids works in home.Basically they can't trust other people.

How far from your office to your in-laws house.How far your husband office from your office.

I would suggest these things.

Either take seperate house near to your parents and ask your husband stay with you whenever he can and take care of his parents whenever they needed and you can visit them during the week end and tell him that you can't take that abuse anymore.

Do your laws own a house?If not ,see is there any chance you can rent two appartments in the same complex near to your work place and both can live independently and the son is available to them.Again tell them clearly that you can't sit and cook for them and they need to start adjusting and start hiring some maid.

 

Dear Allie,
You have to take action on your own otherwise nothing will happen.

• Rent an apartment very close to inlaws.
• Hire a maid/nanny for inlaws house.(they will crib but tell DH this has to happen).
• Ask DH to come live with you.Every evening ask him to stop by to talk to them.
• Every Sunday visit for lunch.

Just waiting for something to happen will not help.If they are sick and you are close by then you all can rush to them.

Think about this and take affirmative action.
FL