Husband's sexual orientation

Yes, totally different experience. For house wives, it is unnatural

 

How exactly do you define housewife and why is it unnatural for housewives to be sexually adventurous?

 

Agree with Malavika on this. Having a job or staying home, What has this to with a woman's sexual feelings???


Malavika: I have read all your posts and the questions and curiosity of some posters and I have to say 'hats off' to the way you explained so clearly to each and every one. Looks like we really have a psychologist in you here.

My husband and I also fantasize and I have actually heard of this b/d fantasy but neither of us actually have even slightest inclination to that.
My husband is more of a man who gets aroused seeing me in different seductive lingerie and he actually does that shopping for me.......to his choice....wants to see me in a variety of sexy clothing.... always wants to see me a girly girl

We both have actually watched couple of videos of this b/d relationship just for the heck of it. I always wonder one thing. With all that physical punishment will there be deep physical marks on the body for the submissive partner.
How does it feel for you to see those after that mood......I mean on the next day or so??

And will this fantasy change and if it does how will the partner come to know of it? I mean if your partner does not enjoy being submissive anymore how can you sense that if it is not communicated well and will that effect you because then you need to change too?? I know it is a fantasy but just curious to know the change part.


Adara

 

Thanks for your compliments, Adara. Yeah I quite did not get the rationale that housewives are not to be sexually adventurous either LOL

Well if you must try b/d fantasies with your husband, first of all you need to have an open and honest conversation with him to find out whether he will be inclined to delve into that realm or willing to try it. If he says yes, then you start out slow and progress from there. You don't have to go in all guns blazing in your first attempt and you can always learn along the way and improvise as you both are getting in the groove.

Physical punishment may or may not be part of your fantasy and that is entirely up to you both to decide if you want to introduce corporal punishments in your fantasy and whether he or you (whoever decides to be the submissive) fancies that idea. In my case, he wanted it to be a part of the fantasy and he has somewhat of a masoochist in him and a pain threshold to take punishments as the pain is pleasurable for him and erotic. That may or may not be the case for everyone so only you two can come to a mutual agreement on what the punishments should be and how much of it he can take. I am going to assume you want to play the dominant in this case and if my assumption is wrong you can just reverse the roles applicable to your specific case LOL. You can always punish him non corporally by making him do things which are in lieu of punishment. Writing lines, making him stand in the corner, make him clean the house while you supervise him or make him wash your lingerie etc are some examples. Essentially whatever the punishment is must be a task he dreads to do so you get the drift.

As for marks from physical punishment, that all depends on the intensity of it (and you have to know his limits and what he can take before it turns into a hurtful and non pleasurable affair) and some implements leave marks more than others. I have quite a few rattan school canes and some equestrian whips and riding crops as well amongst other things in my implements cupboard and canes and whips do definitely leave marks, and the rattan cane especially. It will leave nice lines on the bottom but those are to remind him for a day or two of why he was punished and he is erotically turned on to sport my cane marks so it works in our case. You have to decide what is good in your case. You can use your hand and put him over your knee and spank him or use wooden spoons etc, general household stuff in the house. A leather belt is also a good spanking tool as you might already know LOL. If you do spank or cane him for punishment, you should know what part of the body you can apply punishment and what are off limits. In general, the upper bottoms, especially the meaty part of the botty is the best and perhaps the only place you should punish. Everything else you should keep as 'off limits'. An occasional rap on the hand is ok but should be rare. Just stick to the bottoms for two reasons. Bottoms can take quite a bit of punishment and secondly, spanking thee bottoms causes endorphin release and the endorphin rush is what makes the pain, pleasurable or erotic pain.

Well the fantasies can always change and maybe that your partner wants to switch. Some people do switch and that is something only you two can decide and see what is best for your situation and whether you would like to be submissive. In my case, my husband has only submissive desires and being a dominant does not appeal to him, atleast so far. You do not switch roles halfway thru your roleplay but rather have separate occasions you enact them. For example, one day you want to be a dominatrix and make him your slave so you both stick to those roles. May some other day, he feels dominant and maybe he wants to be dominant and dress you up as a naughty frenchmaid or naughty schoolgirl etc. You get the idea LOL.
So you both need to have an open and candid conversation to find out what will work best for you both.

Happy sexual adventures to you both and if you have any questions, you can ask me anytime and I'll try my best there are lots of books as well as web material available at your disposal as well on this subject so read, read and read and better your knowledge on the subject

 

Hi Malavika,

Very interesting to read whatever you have written. I just had a quick question.

I wanted to know, if roles are reveresed and your husband decides to be the dominant one for the day, would he spank you? And would you enjoy it if he did?

Also when you hit your husband , at what point does the spanking actually become painful, or is it always erotic and does it only arouse him?


Regards,

Moncy

 

Moncy

Believe it or not, I have tried switching roles with husband on one or two prior occassions to find out if he'd be comfortable at the other end and he was neither interested and aroused by it nor was he good at it and all we got out of it was lot of good laughs LOL But hey, I can say we atleast tried. So its highly unlikely in my situation but I would not rule it out as impossible. And if the opportunity presents itself, I'd be willing to try for sure

Well as for the punishments, I know what my husband's limits are and how much farther I can push him before its not enjoyable for him or for the matter me, and that is something you learn and gauge as you go along. When you play with your partner, always know his limits and we have safewords too which once uttered will slow down or cease play completely. The roleplay is a turn on for both, not just him.

I hope that answers your curiousities.

 

Malavika,
Believe me, When I first read what the OP posted, my only reaction was SHOCK.
I was so much disturbed by her plight and felt so sad for her and how on earth she is going to ever live with such a 'weirdo'.
My thoughts for her were like, Run for your life! Divorce him! Get a life of your own, you are spoiling your life, wasting time and your precious life with this freak etc etc.!!!!!

After reading subsequent posts my belief got confirmed till I actually read your posts.
Really, now I think it is after all not a big deal. Not something that you will break your marriage for. Your explanations to each and every post, every query is amazing. Thank you!
Actually, that has made me view things differently. Where earlier I thought there was a 'dead end' to the relationship I now realized how wrong I was.
In fact now I don't think I will be that shocked to hear anything very very different from the common, in any matter not only sex but any thing in life. I will always remember that lack of knowledge was the main reason to have caused this shock in me and there is more to what you actually know for any issue in life.

I can't thank you enough. How I sincerely hope the OP gets back to her thread and goes over your post??
Warm regards
Tara

 

Thanks a lot Malavika for taking time to post in detail here.
Though neither of us have that (b/d) fantasy but we always strive for variety in our intimate life and enjoying so far.
You have answered the queries with such patience which is quite admirable.
You will make one heck of a psychologist if you are not already or for that matter one heck of anything!!! :thumbsup

 

Tara, I am glad to hear my post helped you change your mind and also keep an open mind towards sexual preferences And no, the OP's husband is very far from a weirdo and he is just a normal and honest individual who opened up to his spouse about his sexual fantasies and proclivities as all spouses should ideally and present her with an opportunity to be part of his fantasies and enhance their sexual life.

Yeah some of the earlier responses to the OP were appalling and the people who offered opinions had very little clue of what they were saying when they had little knowledge of what they were saying. I can only imagine how it would have made the OP feel that she married a freak when in reality it is not the case LOL

Most of our prejudices and shocks mainly stem from our lack of knowledge on the suject matter and our inclination to keep an open mind on things. Most people can dispel that by acquiring knwledge and have a balanced view.

You are very welcome Tara and I am glad I could be a catalyst in influencing some if not all to change their views and keep an open mind. Yes, I also do hope the OP returns to this thread and I realized when I posted that the thread was several mos old but better late than never

You are welcome Adara. Well you have to talk and find out what fantasies and sexual preferences are of mutual excitement and pleasure to you both and explore them. It may not be b/d or d/s or s/m for everyone and whatever tickles or fancies your whim which keeps your sexual life spiced up and interesting is well worth the effort. Happy trails in your sexual adventures and journeys and keep your sex life interesting and colourful

 

For those of you who thought bdsm or adventurous sex is unusual or uncommon in India or among Indian couples born there, I found this interesting article from an Indian vernacular



I guess couples in India are getting sexually adventurous or exploring it afterall LOL