Husband's sexual orientation

Hahaha. Sometimes my dh's wet towels make it to the laundry basket, other times he folds them up (yes, folds them) and places it on the counter in the bathroom. I don't get it... wouldn't it be faster to just throw in the laundry basket? Why does he go through all the hassle of folding it and putting it on the counter when he could just toss it in the basket? :rotfl

 

Whether such men/women are perverts or not is irrelevant. Is this the idea of sex and married life for the other partner is the issue. If it is not, make it clear and see if some compromise can be arrived at. Personally, I would feel like my partner is asking me to pretend to be someone that i am not for the rest of my life. Looks like some women didn't have problem but some like me would. Ther is no way I can let some one change who I am in the name of marriage or love. But I may accept if it is just a fantasy and need to role play once in a while as a special favour.

 

Hi Tara

First of all, interest in b/d and d/s is not exactly a sexual orientation. It is what you call fetishes or sexual preferences and believe it or not, many men and women of all ethnicities and nationalities have these fetishes and they are perfectly normal as long as it is done between consenting adults. Fetishes and fantasies greatly enhance your sex life and sexual intimacy and believe me, everyone has their own little fetishes and fantasies.

Just because you have not heard about them does not mean they do not exist or inherent in a significant number of humans. I would suggest you should read up on the subject if you are interested or curious about knowing further even if you choose not to practice it in your own life. A little education does not hurt anyone and knowledge goes a long way.

My husband having b/d and d/s fantasies is a very flimsy reason to give up my marriage and the very thought it is plain ludicrous. Infact, these fantasies are an opportunity presented to greatly enhance sexual intimacy in our relationship.

On to the punishment aspect and whether me and him feel good or bad about it....it is a fantasy and we both mutually agreed to indulge in it when we embarked on this journey. So to answer your question, yes, it is a pleasurable experience for us both with his pleasure coming from being submissive and mine from being dominant. It has been a wonderful experience for both of us and it has brought us very close and keeps our marriage healthy. Variety is the spice of life, especially when it comes to sex and it takes a lot of effort to keep physical relationship in a marriage interesting. As long as its between consenting adults, all fetishes and fantasies are very healthy and adds to the sexual repertoire in a marital relationship.

We do not have kids and even if we do someday (we are not keen on having one anytime soon), we both do not believe in spanking or physically punishing kids for discipline and philosophically we both are on the same page. I do not condone physical discipline of children in any fashion or form and there are plenty of alternative scientifically proven methods to instill discipline in children.

As for spanking in a mutual consenting adult situation, it is perfectly normal and spanking especially on the bottom releases endorphins which are associated with pleasure. For some of us, a hard slap on the bottoms would suffice and for others, they need a bit more stimuli than that. I have absolutely no qualms about discussing or sharing part of my sexual life and experiences if it will educate or enhance someone's relationship so no worries there. You can ask me anything and I will try my best to answer your questions. You do not need to be restless or panic on something you are not exposed to but I have to tell you that these are not out of the blue fetishes and lot of men and women have these fetishes and fantasies and as someone who studied psychology in my undergrad Uni degree, I can attest for it scientifically and so can many doctors and psychiatrists and psychologists. I hope that answers some if not all of your questions. Feel free to ask me anything if you are curious and have genuine interest in gaining knowledge and I'll be more than happy to address them. Cheers Tara

 

I am sorry but what is b/d and d/s??
I have not read your post fully, just started reading and saw you are online so wanted to get this clear first.

Thanks
Tara

 

Thanks Malvika for your post and happy to know that both of you are happy and sexually satisfied individuals.

Ok now I found this little off track from the conventional sex life and so that is why grew more anxious. Don't you see this as more of 'not being yourself' than being a natural behavior for YOU. I want to specifically know about YOU, since you did not have that fantasy like your hubby and this came as something new to you in the initial period of marriage??


Is there any web material related to this??

 

I call it evolution in sex world.

Talk about Oral sex with women from past generation and even some from this, they might think that's a weirdest thing to do..

I say do whatever you want as long as both are happy and enjoying it and ofcourse don't disturb your neighbors !!!

 

:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl................good one!!!

 

Well believe it or not, when we started out we both have laughed and we both have had many bloopers but that is how you learn and it is part of the learning curve. But after 2+ years of experience, we are very experienced and seasoned but that does not stop us from having a laugh or chuckle every now and then. Afterall, the whole experience is supposed to be fun and pleasurable in the end.

As for your submissive/dominant conundrum, contrary to what you think, the ones that have been submissives make the best dominants because they know how it is to be on the other side. Most of the dominatrixes who do this professionally, have been submissives when they start out and that should dispel your myth.

LOL well I do not punish him everytime he misses a household chore and those infractions add up and we have a set day of the week for punishments in normal situations. However there are infractions which require fairly sooner discipline and I will not go into detail on them.

And to answer your other question you asked in a latter post, you do not punish your partner whenever you are angry or pissed off at him and pick up whatever is available and thrash him. That is not how it works and its infact the worst way of doing this. You should never punish your partner in anger or spur of the moment everytime you feel mad at him and if you do, you are abusing your power in the relationship and may need anger management therapy LOL.

Sridivya, I think between the responses to ASG and Tara, lot of your questions and curiosities might have been answered by me. But I will address the specific part you had questions on, which is the acting part.

Yes it is acting and almost all roleplays are some kind of acting and a temporary escape from reality. They are very healthy in a sexual relationship of both parties are into it and it enhances their sexual experience. And no, its not spontaneous like picking up something and hitting him with it instantaneously because if I did that, I am just responding violently to vent my anger and I may need to see an anger management therapist and its not very healthy to hit someone everytime you feel mad and that behaviour is psychotic to say the least. I hope that explanation makes sense.
LOL yelling and screaming is a common outlet for many of us to vent our anger or frustrations out so I hear you and know where you are coming from.
There is no such thing as a normal person and normal is a very relative term depending on what reference plane you are looking from.

 

b/d = bondage and domination
d/s = domination and submission

You are welcome Tara and I am glad I could answer some of your questions and concerns.
Well if your definition of conventional sex is doing it in missionary position for a few minutes, then yes, this is not conventional sex life LOL However sex is supposed to be a pleasurable experience for both parties and anything you do to heighten the experience is good in the end. Afterall, it takes healthy sexual relationship between the couples to keep a marriage healthy.

There is quite a bit of web material on this topic. Just google whatever you need to know and you will end up with plethora of information.

So are you implying that we de-evolved once and evolving again as a culture? LOL Because as you know, if you read the Kamasutra, there are several chapters devoted to the topic of Oral sex, both fellatio as well as cunnilingus. And that was 1600 years ago.

I am not sure at what point the Indian society became sexually repressed and made sex a taboo topic but if you go back in time, it used to be a very sexually open society. Advent of new world religions into that part of the world forced that society into dark ages and the predominant religion of practice, Hinduism, had to alter its course and change its philosophies to compete with the puritanical ideas of new world religions.

I would classify myself as an agnost or atheist but I do try and educate myself on old world religions and philosophies just for knowledge sake. And hinduism at one point way back used to be a very open and liberal philosophy or way of life and it was never an organized religion like its today.

 

Thanks Malvika, You have actually explained in a detailed manner.
My confusion still remains, let me put it more clearly.

There are some or the other differences between husband and wife or for that matter any two individuals but we will limit to married couples here and our case being male and female only.

When one of them gets mad, it is quite natural to vent our verbally and in some extreme cases physically like slapping. OK now if the physical abuse becomes uncontrollable then surely they need to see a therapist and work on controlling their anger. That is understood.

In your case the planned, methodical way that surprises me. Even you, how can you hold your anger/upset mood so long so as to show the consequences to your hubby much later.
I mean, to me it seems like disciplining a child. When children upset our mood by not listening to us or talking back, we as adults do not get impulsive (let's eliminate some parents who react instantly) and later try to show them the consequences by taking off their privileges like TV, movies etc to teach them a lesson. I have still not brought in physical punishment here because I hate that idea of CP and firmly believe it can bring no positive results.

I cannot get this thing of 'disciplining husband that way'. And another thing is you said when he fails to do chores. Now, if that is the case then isn't it too extreme to resort to violence just for not doing chores. If you can do that to him then is he allowed to do that to you? If yes, then isn't there a war scene at home? I am confused totally. Who will discipline you? Can he?


Hope you do not find this intrusion on your privacy. But I am really confused as to how there can be any love amidst all this. Isn't sex mutual and not to be dominated by one partner always?
Is there any other way this can be dealt?