Husband's sexual orientation

I think it is very much ingrained into our psyche that the man is the head of the family. Let us admit it. We want a male dominated household. There are so many households where the wife ends up making a lot of decisions and the husband is comfortable with it. In this case I think Laxmi's husband feels more comfortable if his wife makes the decisions. He has understood his personality and expressed his desire. Some men would not even be aware of their nature but would just not feel comfortable about making decisions. The only think that is a bit too much is that Laxmi's husband gets a kick out of being caned. I think it is just a mild sexual want. Honestly I don't feel this is a deal breaker like being a gay. Laxmi I think it is better you seek professional help before taking a major decision that changes your life forever.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

hey after reading all this i feel its ok to have fantasies and there is nothing wrong to go according to husbands fantasies and after sometimes you too start loving it. But i suggest you to be within limits and enjoy...infact i too enjoy with my husbands fantasies..men are like that...:idea

 

Kavya... everyone has a threshold ..u agree?

Everyone can have expectations and fantasies.. But the bottomline is.. how far are you ready to stretch??

I guess you need to read some articles about sexual desires.. i forgot the author... its not as simple as you think, unfortunately

 

Hi Laxmi
In the physical relationship between a husband & wife it is mutual understanding & hormony& fullfillment for both.
This sexual orientation of ur husband is opposite to sadistic attitude in which a person inflicts injuires to a partner, only than feels fulfilled.
This is medically established fact ,some people want to dress up like females in their Physical relation ( TRansvestitism )and it sort of go wrong at time of adolascent develpoment when confusion in sexual orientation may happens, may be due to many factors.
But for this u can have a councillor's advise & with sessions ( ur husband) with councillor the attitude can changes.

 

Hi Kavya,

The more I read L's problem, the more clearer it becomes.
We are not talking talking abt. male dominance here, at all! If that be the case, I am sure she'd be ok with it, coz growing up in Indian households, we girls have seen male dominance to a large extent. Its not abt. making decisions here, or not that her hubby wants to be undermined as a man. NO! As far as i can get the picture, the whole thing boils down to the fact, that when he talks of being dominated, he means SEXUALLY! In plain and simple language, he needs Kinky sex! Like Nandhu pointed out, it depends, how far Laxmi is willing to go! It may not be that easy if we are brought up in a different atmospere, to change so drastically. They both need to come to an understanding- YES, BUT ONLY IF SHE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS!
Like for example, if I was in a situation like this, I"D have lost all respect for my man!
We also enjoy sex, hubby also has fantasies, but its not KINKY!

Ultimately, I guess, it boils down to the fact what each one wants, and what each one is comfortable with!

 

Thanks nimi.. Perfectly said.. cant be more clearer than this

I hope it all works out for Lakshmi end of the day !!

 

I fully agree with ANK.She has v clearly put into words what i was feeling abt this issue.Here the question is not abt male dominance or female dominance.What are our thoughts abt family life.But it is only abt the kinky stuff expected by the husband.It is a v sensitive issue and should be handled v carefully.What if the fantasies takes further deviations tomorrow.

 

Hi ANK,

I still see nothing wrong in his fantasy of being dominated during sex. The women on top of man pose is something like that. In my opinion it is perfectly normal. He is not gay or feels he can be sexually satisfied only if he inflicts sadistic pain on his partner. This in my opinion is perfectly normal and not any kind of perversion. Generally our knowledge is only limited to the conventional kind of sex. But it is far more diverse. In India sex is still a taboo topic so our knowledge about sex is very limited. Probably a reading of Kamasutra might help.

In in an arranged marriage it can take up to an year for a good sexual relationship to be established. Some couples are shy, some may be more fast moving and open. Usually during the first few months they are more obsessed with sex especially the male partner. This interest gradually tapers down and settles into a more regular sexual routine. During pregnancy and after child birth there will be a drastic change in sexual life. After a few years it may resume to a normal pattern again. Hormones and stress play a huge role on the quality of sex life. I am speaking from my experience of being married for 7 years. In any case I think it is hard to judge by just a few emails. I think it is best for Laxmi to consult a professional instead of writing off the marriage.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hi Laxmi,

I truly understand how confused you must be feeling now. Our Indian arranged marriages give us little room to discuss our sexual preferences before marriage.

You mention that your husband would like you to cane him "whenever he commits a mistake". What kind of mistakes does he mean? Would watching **** sites, or sexual misconduct constitute to mistakes?

You cannot buy love from your husband based on how you satisfy him physically. One doesn't quite understand a man even after living several years together. Moreover, having a Phd doesn't mean they shouldn't entertain such thoughts.

In my opinion, if you do not feel comfortable with what he desires, you really need to talk to a counselor or any close family member.

I wish you all the best.
Mika