Husband's Insecurities

Anusha2917 · Dec 15, 2021

stayblessed said: ↑

I dont have any suggestions for your problem. But wanted to say this, you are a wonderful person Anusha. People around you are lucky.
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Dear it's not that. I do have my share of "not being a wonderful person ". Thank you. I felt good reading replies in this thread.

Anusha2917 · Dec 15, 2021

Rihana said: ↑

You are most likely overthinking this, Anusha. Some comparison with others is natural. We all have such thoughts. And it is natural to share them with one's spouse.

He does realize that other people's lives aren't all rosy. Each time we compare ourselves with another person, the comparison is about one aspect. Say my friend has a great relationship with siblings or a huge friend circle. I will dwell on that, sigh that my new year eve will be a boring Netflix movie : ) and move on. It would be odd if I have to remind myself of my friend's troubles each time I envy them. : )

You can't make your husband feel better. You don't have to. He doesn't want you to. : ) Just listen to him. Now and then lightly hint at the problems that others have and you don't. Even better, make it a habit to list your good fortunes in actual words during conversations at home.

What you can work on is how to deal with his comments so you don't feel low yourself. You could try what the mindfulness folks suggest. Each time you feel you are about to react to his comment, try to catch yourself. With a little practice, you will catch yourself sooner and sooner.

"He is a man of few words, ,is not as expressive as I am with emotions ."
I personally feel that such men will share such feelings only with the wife. So, it is important to let those words get expressed. And to respond to that sharing with only few words. : ) In a quaint way, I feel it is a privilege that my husband will share such feelings only with me. Unlike me who will yap about them to at least four friends. : )

I learned this from my man of few words. : ) I used to go on about our/my TTC struggle and my issues with my parents/siblings. I used to compare myself with people who didn't have these problems. He listened, acknowledged, sometimes responded with words.. on a couple of occasions he also switched off the laptop/TV to listen : ) : ) : ) he just let me vent/whine without pointing out the obvious points like my otherwise charmed life, and the problems my friends had.
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Thank you. This is a very whole hearted thank you for this reply. A different perspective you have mentioned.
You are true . I could be Overthinking. I'll try not to.

Anusha2917 · Dec 15, 2021

Laks09 said: ↑

Daddies also go through a lot of emotions when they have their firstborns. He must feel like he owes that little one the world and pressurizing himself.
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This is 100 percent true. Somehow I fail to notice this or I do notice but don't acknowledge that he's under immense pressure.
Thank you for writing this . A great reminder for me

Some threads I do hesitate to post but anyway click "post" so that I get some clarity or different perspective. I'm glad I did that to this thread.

AliceMargaret · Dec 16, 2021

A saying I read somewhere:
We won't be distracted by comparison when we are captivated with purpose.

Kind regards,
AM

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Husband's Insecurities

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