Husband's indifference

deepshikha · Apr 10, 2008

Hello ladies,
I am confused, my husband although a nice person, doesn't seem to have anything to talk to me. We are living in US and its been over a year since we got married. I had some differences and troubles with MIL but, I tried not to pay attention to it. On my part I am trying to focus on my marriage, but my husband doesn't seem to view me as a life-partner.
I feel that this is the beginning of our marriage and we should be living it to full. But my husband doesn't seem much interested. He is more interested in his Mom and sisters and I am there for him like a nobody.
I feel hurt by his behavior, whenever we have some time on hand together , all he seems to remember is that he has to call home his Mom and sisters, even on the phone his Mom and sisters never ask me how I am doing here , they only talk of what troubles they have their and upset my hubby mostly. When we go out to dinner or lunch doesn't seem to have anything to say to me, it's only who keeps talking and now I have started feeling foolish about it.
I stay at home most of the time and can't work here, I have started feeling very lonely, I spoke to my husband several times about studying something but he is not interested in me and what I need.
We never had a honeymoon and he even doesn't seem interested in taking me out somewhere, he enjoys with his own group of friends who follow a particular religious faith and gets irritated when I want to go to a mandir (he follows a spiritual path meditates morning and evening and doesn't go to mandir).
His indifference and disinterest has been hurting me right from the beginning of our marriage, I do not know how to confront him. Am I wrong to think that there should be genuine love in a married relationship? I miss my family and sometimes feel I made a terrible mistake getting married.
We have no kids and since we are not very well settled in US we have decided to wait till he gets a good job. But sometimes I feel that he is not even interested in a family, probably he got married because his Mom wanted him to.
I am planning to go back to India for a visit in September this year, but deep in my heart I wish I didn't have to come back. I left my studies and came here, and don't know if I will be able to take up studies again if I stay in India. Am I wrong to feel this way? His indifference upsets me, the only time he talks to me is in bed, and I feel as if I am here only to satisfy him. Please help me, I have a feeling inside me that wants to end this relationship, I would have done this when I had problems with his Mom but for my parents, even now I am staying here only because I can't bear to upset my parents. I want to be happy like other newly married girls, but all my husband has to give me is indifference and comments.

kavya007 · Apr 10, 2008

Hi Deepshikha,

I can understand your loneliness. In general guys are not as communicative as girls. Girls love to talk and share a lot of stuff. But men are wired differently. During the courtship period men talk a lot. But once they get married they settle down into a more comfortable relationship. Try to find out common topics of interest and try to do activities both of you enjoy doing together. See if you can interested in this spiritual activities. Does he like sports/traveling? Try to find out about his family issues and try to offer a supportive shoulder. I hope this helps.

Thanks,
Kavya.

deepshikha said: ↑

Hello ladies,
I am confused, my husband although a nice person, doesn't seem to have anything to talk to me. We are living in US and its been over a year since we got married. I had some differences and troubles with MIL but, I tried not to pay attention to it. On my part I am trying to focus on my marriage, but my husband doesn't seem to view me as a life-partner.
I feel that this is the beginning of our marriage and we should be living it to full. But my husband doesn't seem much interested. He is more interested in his Mom and sisters and I am there for him like a nobody.
I feel hurt by his behavior, whenever we have some time on hand together , all he seems to remember is that he has to call home his Mom and sisters, even on the phone his Mom and sisters never ask me how I am doing here , they only talk of what troubles they have their and upset my hubby mostly. When we go out to dinner or lunch doesn't seem to have anything to say to me, it's only who keeps talking and now I have started feeling foolish about it.
I stay at home most of the time and can't work here, I have started feeling very lonely, I spoke to my husband several times about studying something but he is not interested in me and what I need.
We never had a honeymoon and he even doesn't seem interested in taking me out somewhere, he enjoys with his own group of friends who follow a particular religious faith and gets irritated when I want to go to a mandir (he follows a spiritual path meditates morning and evening and doesn't go to mandir).
His indifference and disinterest has been hurting me right from the beginning of our marriage, I do not know how to confront him. Am I wrong to think that there should be genuine love in a married relationship? I miss my family and sometimes feel I made a terrible mistake getting married.
We have no kids and since we are not very well settled in US we have decided to wait till he gets a good job. But sometimes I feel that he is not even interested in a family, probably he got married because his Mom wanted him to.
I am planning to go back to India for a visit in September this year, but deep in my heart I wish I didn't have to come back. I left my studies and came here, and don't know if I will be able to take up studies again if I stay in India. Am I wrong to feel this way? His indifference upsets me, the only time he talks to me is in bed, and I feel as if I am here only to satisfy him. Please help me, I have a feeling inside me that wants to end this relationship, I would have done this when I had problems with his Mom but for my parents, even now I am staying here only because I can't bear to upset my parents. I want to be happy like other newly married girls, but all my husband has to give me is indifference and comments.
Click to expand...

libran23 · Apr 10, 2008

Hello Deepshikha,

I feel you can talk to someone in his family about his likes/dislikes like what is his fav. dish or activity.
You can make food of his liking.You can ask him to discuss his family issues with you as you are also part of his family.
Do small little things for him and make him realize that you care a lot for him.
I think he can't ignore your caring and loving behavior for long.
And at the same time you can join library for voluntary work or any other community college so that you go out and don't feel lonely.
And be positive about things.

Cheers,
Anshita

hollyhock · Apr 10, 2008

Hi Deepshika,

As you have said you are married for an year now,i personally feel that it is very short period to be able to understand each other completely.Please put your effort in understanding things rather than thinking negatively .If your husband is not intrested in talking ,you try to bring some good topic like about your friends,your college days and what not but those topics should not be in any way hurting eachothers feelings.Just forget the things that disturb eachother.

If he believes in something else let him do.You can follow your own.Whatever belief it is ,it is meant for the good .So try to be liberal.May be once you get more intimacy he would also join you once in awhile atleast.It takes time to built up any relation.So if you want to have a good relation you should have patience .Ofcourse his role is also very important in making it fruitful.

Try to get some good time pass as others have said.That will solve part of your problem.Yes its upsetting to see the indifference but we have to work out to make things beter .The relation you are in is not only for your parents sake,it is also your life.Dont think that just because you have to make your parents see happy you have to be in the relation .It is your life which you have to live it to the full and make it lively.If your problem is only that your husband is not open with you,that can be solved .I dont see it as such a big problem which asks for ending the relation.So please try to solve the situation thinking positively towards a bright future.Mil s problems are always there ,we have to take them light.Good that you are trying to neglect them.Just try to be more interactive with your husband and make him feel that you truly care for him.