Husband's Grief=our(family) Grief. Wife's Grief, Not Even Hers!

@Bubbles
Generally if there is an immediate loss in guy's family, for 1-year there is no festival or such activities.
This is usually not followed for woman's side.
Now, this is as per 'traditional custom'. In reality, at least for sometime, things are kept a bit low due to human consideration, so women also allowed to take time to grieve and mourn especially in circumstances like what you said. So, there is a "traditional custom" and then there is some reality mourning period no matter which gender.
But yea the 1-year break is typically followed for guy's side.

 

as long as kanya daan exists, these things will be there.
girls have to be strong . This girl could have refused to do all poojas and vrats till her mind heals

 

This is the fate of Indian women, I don't know about other cultures, some years back I lost my (unmarried)sibling, when I came back home after funeral my dh decorated the house with Christmas lights & decorations i felt like someone slapped me. my in-laws didn't even have the decency to give me some space for healing. Even after so many years my pain and hurt staying in my mind, I used to cry secretly.

 

Here in kerala, the socially sanctioned mourning is for women since family lines are matrilineal at least in the case of birth and death. For men, close blood relations are mourned the same way.
I think women need to speak out. May be men/in-laws think that they are helping in moving on by restoring "normalcy" . Normal human beings support the mourning person. Sometimes they need pointers on how. But there are people who are downright inconsiderate too. You will never know until you speak up.

 

I agree, I have faced this situation in my personal life as well, when my uncle was seriously ill and I got a call from India and we are in USA and I am so closely attached to him as I was brought up by him in my childhood and it was his birthday, a major festival and same day he met with accident. I was so drained emotionally as at that point of time and my husband immediatly called inlaws, she immediatly consoled me for a sec and she got scared that if some thing happens to my uncle I will not do festival, so she told strictly " You have to follow all our traditions for next 3 days with out fail" she pestered, other DIL of our house has made to follow all traditions with in first 10 days of her immediate family member death, including wearing new clothes for festivals and performing big pooja's.

I am not sure if "Humanity rules traditions or Tradition rule humanity"

I am sure that GOD will not ask to celebrate with me, celebrate for me if you are going through immense grief, only PIL's will ask in Loud voice.

For one of my friend lost immediate family member in India and her parents were here in usa to help with her baby had to book tickets to rush to India, her inlaws insisted that her parents should stay back and still help her DIL, she always uses word "our DIL", same old MIL denied to help with baby during her delivery in name of tradition

We should also say in Loud voice, Humanity should rule traditions, can you please by kind with others?

 

Its high time ladies learn to say NO.
One should not say yes, when its no in their mind. If others dont care about your feelings why should you care about their celebrations