Husband wont send me to India-Torchur

Yeah,I too feel the same.Something else is definitely wrong here.He doesn't want to spend money,so he doesn't want to send you to India,but even if the money part is taken care of,even then he is not willing to send you..something fishy! or is it he doesn't want to take money from your parents for such things and thereby feel humiliated?

If money is becomming such an issue only because of this big house,why not think of selling it and moving to a smaller one.After that,he cannot give that as an excuse for not sending you to India and then,you will get to know the true reason behind this attitude of his.

 

Neha, you are right when you say spouses should not be controlling. In domestic dispute ego plays a big role, if the OP leaves and does not care to get her husbands nod, it will hurt him more badly, and their relationship will suffer more. The only way is dialogue and if that also breaks , am not sure how the relationship can survive the test...

 

Correct,Tridev. I do not know why spouses like to be so controlling.Anyway, I assumed that she can talk to her DH and leave amicably. But,like you say ego plays a major role. This needs to be handled with care! I have no suggestions for handling this :-(

 

you said you delivered 2 yrs ago. who attended and supported you during that time? If your parents havent attended, then surely your concern to show the children to your parents is valid. Do you understand the financial implications of your visit? do you still think your family ( yourself and your DH) cannot afford or afford the trip? If your financial position is not that great, do you still want to make that trip with the finances of your brother? Do you think, its worth the strains in the marriage with your husband's ego hurt( that he is incapable of even financing your trip to india)? Probably he may want you to make the trip when he is comfortable with the finances. Each trip with kids costs around $10000. If your financial position is good and still he doesnot want to send you to india - you have mentioned about his social aloofness and stingy b'day parties which may be likely scenario - then he is definitely has a personality problem and needs help to sort out his issues - see a marital counsellor or a psychiatrist.

 

I Agree to other posters. This realtionship (caging, threatening etc) doesnt seem to have signs of healthy relationship!

Did you mean 'hitting' (as in physical harm)???

~S.

 

Good thing is she is not complaint mode that leaves her some what happy with her on going life.Lot of people don't want to break there marraiges and there no way changing the partner and that's even true in my case too.In that situation we try to cover up the partner bad qualities and try to live on and move on.
Since she is looking only solution to her India trip,I would feel at this point to concentrate on that,instead of pushing her to agree on other issues in her life.

I feel you need to show your husband that you are a strong women instead of bending for his demands.If he want to keep his kids with him that's fine.Leave kids with him and then go to India and come back.
Is there any way could you cut down your timing like from 6months to some x numbers?

 

I think your husband needs to be given a nice tight slap across his face.

Maybe its a realization that the house is too costly for his budget that is driving him to react this way. But whatever the reason, he has no right to stop you from going to India for meeting your family. Well, you have a green card. That gives you the option to do any work in the US, or even go to India and return within 6 months.

Now you can either try to put some sense into your husband via a marriage counselor or leave him for good. Think over it and use your judgement. To me, it makes no sense to stay with someone who cares about money more than wife and kids. In case you decide to go to India, contact some church services or women's aid group and they may arrange for tickets for you. Wish you the best.

 

OP I am sorry to hear that you haven't been back home since a long time. BUT, isn't 6 months a long time to go away leaving your husband behind? I understand that its you had the delivery and not him but think about it from his point of view too. Its his children too. He is going to miss them for 6 months. Could it be that he is not sending you because he is going to miss seeing them (and you) everyday? I don't know about your DH but some men are really shy to confess love to their wives.

And really, when he bought the home, didn't he discuss with you at all if you are OK when 75% of his paycheck is going to cover the monthly payment?

I really think 6 months is a long time to take the kids away from dad. You dont want to leave your daughter behind but you want to take both the kids away from their dad for 6 months. How fair is that? Think about it....