Husband Without Values - How To Manage?

This line I have read from many posters here

 

Starting am new to city environment. I believe him so I did not say any thing if is operating my account. He never spend my money for luxury. He do LIC,mutual funds like other savings for family with my money. So I believed him. He has access of all my accounts. I can't maintain secreat account because of the adhar card link to accounts. He had access to my net banking. Every month he checks my salary and pays mutual funds like some thing for savings. As I am girl I want to wear beautiful dresses [Not luxary]. I have some small wishes but he thinks that all those are luxary thoughts so restricted me to buy. If I buy my own he will say that am not giving respect to his words. And makes house environment bad my scolding me and kids indirectly. I don't want to spoil house environment. Because kids observing us. Please tell any tips to let him knoe I am also living thing I have also some wishes. Is there any plan/way to change him. Starting I tries to explain him slowly but I vexed now I am shouting and he is also making home environment too bad. Not understanding what to do ?

 

@SaiNiharika I read ur old posts too.. U have same problem from last 2 - 3 yrs.. Why u not take control of ur finances .. Why u r scared.. if he shouts , You shout with two time effects..
Net banking can be controlled again by changing password.. n keep changing password every 10 - 15 days.. So ur Husband will stop asking for password.. some day .. U can learn n do ur investment . Who stops u .. u can have one common / joint account from where u / ur H can spend for monthly expenses.. Apply new Credit Card .. keep that with u .. Its u .. n u have to take control of everything..

 

It is mere wishful thinking on the part of the posters who contend such things.

The problem of domestic slavery is so huge, as so many allegedly "educated" girls sign up voluntarily to get into such conditions, there isn't any easy solutions to individual cases.

 

If am doing any expense of my own. He stops loving me and treating me as a enemy. How many days we live under same roof like enemies. He is not caring me when am ill. Just ignoring me in all things. Rude talking. He will irritates even if I talks to him. If am in his control he is talking with me some polite manner. I am unable to tolerate his irritation. Any one do marriage to build a beautiful love house. Because of this money I am losing my love house. I am single chid to my parents my brother died 15 years back. My parents keeps all hopes on me. If they know I don't had any freedom it hurts them badly. No close persons for me to share all these. So sharing here to get any good solution.

 

@SaiNiharika Its upto u ... u have to take control...everyone has to fight their own battle.. . No one can help u ... We can only suggest u ..

 

Hi There,

I understand where you are coming from.
However, as others are telling you, you need to take control of some things , atleast those related to spending on yourself from your salary.
How will you do it?It is tough but doable
You need to first control your impulse of needing his approval for any kind of actions( that is justified by your and general standards). This is the most difficult step and this where he draws all his power from.
When two reasonable people have this hold on each other , it builds to a really fruitful relationship. On the other hand, if one person has to ensure this principle, it leads to imbalance of power. So first of all , get over your need fro his stamp of approval.
You need to calmly spend your money and also not inform him, take baby steps 9 meaning spend on small ticket items, could also be kitchen vessels ). you shouldn't necessarily try and tell him about your purchases and if he notices, answer calmly and try to be as nonchalant as possible.
Once , when he realises that you will stop giving in to his tantrums over you spending money and ' not showing respect' he will adapt to the newer system.
Wishing you luck !

 

India got independence after lot of struggle,what would have happened if our freedom fighters thought it's good to have peace than independence?

Same here. He knows that you wont fight for your rights. He knows he can control you by all these tantrums.. it's not love towards you. Its self love..When he said you dont respect him by not listening, how did you respond. You can tell him,yes you also dont respect me that's why you are behaving like this. I am sad and hurt by all these etc...

You can try discussing it with him . But if it fails saying no or prove it by actions by starting your own salary account .. you need to take control of your life. Start with small things. If you want to eat fruits, buy it, dont ask permission for it. Same with other things. Once he find that you are spending money wisely and not for luxury and you will do,even after these tantrums, l think he will adjust. Have your dh asked your permission to buy things? Rules are same for every one.

I think.its better to start action than talking. Let him shout . But just ignore it. Do what you think is right. Take baby steps. Good luck

I assume here you gave already talked about your concerns to him.
It's better to start another thread, please request @IL_Admin . I just realized that others have given similar responses above.

 

Sorry I don’t have time to read entire post. But are u divorced? Did u leave ur husband ? Same situation which u mentioned about c section happened in my house too. Does not care about wife or newborn ( I had complications baby had jaundice) but yells at me that I have not treated their parents well and to get out of the house. On the day of discharge. I also had a c section and had complications and could not even walk without struggling even after discharge for at least a week. Legs were very very very swollen for 3 weeks. But still yelling that I have not treated their parents well