Husband wants to move to USA for 3 years

Personally, I would not want to move either if I were in your shoes. You're right, there are a lot of good reasons to stay in India. You need to sit down with your husband and show him the pros and cons as you see it. Yes, the money might be better in US, and your kids would get to see a new place... but what you all would have to give up is a lot. Your kids would be uprooted from their school and circle of friends, you all wouldn't be close to family anymore, you'd have to leave your job... those aren't simple issues. It seems your husband is being selfish and only thinking what HE wants, not what is best for you, the kids, his mom, or your parents. Remind him that you have tried this living abroad thing before, and you didn't like it! Ask him to look at the WHOLE PICTURE and take into account everything you would be giving up. Make it clear that this isn't what you want. Hopefully he will come to his senses and realize he had his abroad experience before, and now it's you and the kids turn to have a stable family experience.

Good luck...

 

I am always trying to hate this ASG for her quick and open opinions, but so far failing (ASG: just kiddin.... )

Uma: given your family background, I am with your and ASG's opinion.
There are few points supporting the argument:
1) Your kids are already in the primary schools in India, changing their academic world all together is incorrect at this time(if they were born and were there in US till 7th/9th month, it may make sense to relocate to India, but not the otherway around).
2) You got your MIL, parents around, believe me you will lose a lot by being away from them(mentally). For the sake of their welfare and respecting their age, I would say, stay with them till they need your help(physical, financial and emotional)
3) After 2-3 years you will go back again to India, again its hard on kids(their circle and education).
4) More important thing: Now a days, I can see in India also the salaries, facilities are comparable with US, I dont know whats the motivating factor of your DH proposal of re-location.
4) The better plan for a couple would be, to spend good time for the first 10 years of their kid's age(I am planning so) and relocate back to home, settle down (without thinking about US or other world anymore) is the best option..
In any event, analyze your situation a lot (write down on a paper, keep talking about each of them with your Hub and family), make a wise decision
Good luck

 

Hi Uma,

I understand your situation,I would suggest you to list pros and cons of "Why we shd go to US" on a sheet of paper,discuss the same with your DH to weigh them,dont jump into conclusions and dont try to convince DH tht your decision is right,ask him to give his inputs/priorities,listen to his prespective and then share your views,your insecurities and then finally take a call considering all the factors like job stability in US under current scenerio, your kids age & future,responsibilities of ur inlaws/parents,adjusting to new lifestyle/environment,savings and so on.

Communication is the key here,Good luck

Cheers!!!!

 

In my opinion, you are just little apprehensive of change. It is understandable given your situation(from whatever you have written). But,I would say also look into how good this offer is going to be for your DH in terms of career growth. If you feel it is going to benefit him,then it may be a good idea to give in. If you think its not going to make much difference for him career or money wise then list out the negatives(like some one has mentioned) and talk to him. Ultimately, communication is the key.

 

ok, i have been planning to write a reply to this for couple of days.. so here it goes...it would be slightly a differnt take on this.. maybe you can feel where your DH is coming from too?

i do understand your concerns.. they do seem pretty valid reasons, but most of them have a workable solution too.. dont they honestly?
Schools, house work etc are just something that you find as a reason as cons to the move.. when you say about schools, my cousins who were in armed forces come into mind. they havd transfers often, the kids manage with the same ease the parents manage. what about bank officials too? So this is a very doable thing, so no wonder your DH feels that way too..

But my main concern was you saying you did not like it the first time you lived there.. So couldnt that be the main reason behind you feeling all these reasons against the move?
About your job, why not try there too? i dont know your field of work, but some jobs allow long leaves.. if its IT you can try there..or take this as a well earned break for yourself & treat yourself & your kids
you do have a valid point again when it comes to your parents situation.. Only you know them best.. are they dependant on you for day to day life? have you talked to them about this? do you know how they feel about it??
What about your MIL? i understand shes eager for you guys to go.. but what will happen to her?? shes staying with you guys right?

Dont hate change just becuase its a change.. you never know what it will bring..
But in the end , if you really really hated the life there and you know its going to be exactly the same, this would cuase huge resentment to you & that would not help the move at all..
So talk to your DH about the real issues.. talk to him what made you hate the life there the first time if he doesnt know about how strongly you feel...
Hope you are able to resolve this soon...

 

Did your DH ask your kids if they are willing to move for 2/3 years and be back home after that? Your 9 year old is old enough to have a opinion of his own and kids' opinion do matter.You simply cannot force children to do something they are not ready to do as it will affect their academic, mental and emotional growth.
You have very valid reasons to not de-stabalize the whole household just don't bring your parents as a reason as it might not sit well with DH and MIL if they do not favour them much.
Hopefully you can find a smooth solution soon

 

Hi there
In my opinion, men favor such moves based on "peer pressure" also. They have this tendency of taking the stability in life for granted just because their friend A is in US or B is considering further studies from a foreign university etc.. I will suggest that on top of these reasons that you have enlisted, also quote some examples of couples/families who are well settled in India. Emphasise on the fact that your parents need you and suggest if you could also bring your parents along to the US.... you might also want to discuss with your kids and then put up a case in front of your husband. Men need a vision and push for things they have decided against... you have to be strong and firm in communicating your opinion.
hope things settle soon for you dear!
Good luck.