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Husband wants to make separate vacation trip with friends - Please Guide Me!!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by soni1987, Jul 28, 2015.

  1. soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    You all know my story.. DH went to Thailand 2 times with friends 1 time without informing me...

    Present Situation...
    Now everything going on well between me n DH. We going for vacation to India after 2 months, we have a club membership through which we planned for a abroad trip, some days are pending in the club membership so I planned to spend those days with my mom and bro in some place in India itself.. This all planned and suggested by my DH himself..
    Now he telling he want to go with his friends to Goa.. these are not the same friends with whom he went to Thailand and Dubai last times... But now i feel all our trip planning was just to make me happy so that he could go with his friends...

    His Thailand trip is still raw in my mind and again he planning for another...

    sometimes i think am i cruel to hold my DH back from his enjoyment... Is he wrong by enjoying with his friends... I am not sure...

    About DH:
    He is very calm, understanding, loving, romantic caring
    He never gets angry or annoyed... Just once in 4 months or once in a blue moon..
    Never says no to any of my things
    A Good father and Good Husband..

    When i see his good side i think he is the best husband, but when i see his past trips and future trip planns i get confused and think of seperation...

    Am I wrong... Please Help..
    Should I let him go....
     
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  2. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    If you really have lots of confidence on him, just let him go....

    Tell him to plan some days for you as well in his trip!!!....
     
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  3. snowhite

    snowhite Junior IL'ite

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    As you posted in my thread saw i just wanted to read your problem.

    My husband also shows his cool side. But i know men who wants to cheat their wives often wear a mask of being too good . Please i donot want to hurt you. I donot say that your DH is in same category.

    But i also face same situation when he wants to go out with his friends without taking me, but i try to resist. You also do that since we both have reasons behind that.
    Donot feel guilty for trying to be true to yourselves. If you had not been lied to by him on on rip to Thailand, you would have trusted him and let him go.
    So he has given you the reason not to trust him.
    Do what your mind says.


     
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  4. soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you snowhite,

    I resisted to his decision of going to goa with his friends, but he is refusing to listen.. I know he does what he want he is trying to convince me to let him go... As always...

    Even if i cry or do what ever he will go.. Even if he doesn't he will be like in prison with me which i dont want...

    I am thinking of going to India for vacation and never come back...But if i doesnt come back my visa will be cancelled permanently and i wont be able to come back ever..

    totally confused...
     
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  5. snowhite

    snowhite Junior IL'ite

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    talk to a councellor
     
  6. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    Irrespective of what the usual norm is you as a wife dont feel comfortable about his trips. That should be the end of it. Having a guys night or watching a game with friends or even going out with guy friends is ok but what is this fetish to go off on vacations by himself? And to places like Thailand and Goa.
    can you grab all your girl friends, leave the baby with him, and go off on a vacation to, France? Or Maldives? Let's see how he reacts!

    no you are not cruel. You are extremely patient.
     
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  7. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, Whats the difference b/n Thailand and Goa. I don't think much. I don't understand the need to vacation with only friends after marriage. I see a big red flag. You don't vacation only with friends unless you have something to hide from your spouse.(Only men's vacation).Besides there is also an underlying fact that your hubby had a stint of going on such vacations before to satisfy his own needs.

    Try to stop him from doing so. This time involve some elders and tell them of such vacations. Your hubby needs to repair the damage in marriage before something happens. Do it now rather than later. What if he contracts an STD or brings home a mistress . Don't wait for that to happen.

    Your vacation is a ruse for his own vacation. Tell him you want to join him too. See his response.Good Luck.
     
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  8. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Agree with the above posters.
    My DH and I travel separately on vacations, but only to visits our respective families. This is due to logistics as we have a special needs dog who can no longer be left with others. Of course we go out separately with our social circles, but never for vacations.
    I don't want to cast aspersions, but going off with friends alone to Thailand and Goa does raise eyebrows.
    Would your husband be cool if you went off by yourself with your friends?
     
  9. A75

    A75 New IL'ite

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    A quick Question , If your Husband says does and Is determined to cheat you why does he need to go to Goa, he could just send you to india and do that in Kuwait as your profile says right.
     
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  10. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    I am sorry, I have not read your previous thread(s), so ignore what I say if it's not appropriate.

    First try and clarify what the problem is, for you:

    Is it that he is using up precious vacation time with his friends instead of family?

    Is it that he is spending money on these outings that you think is better spent elsewhere?

    Or is it that you suspect his behavior on these trips? Does Thailand raise, in your mind, the specter of a sexcation?

    Do you trust him? How well do you know his friends? Why Thailand twice? Why the secrecy? How does that destination mesh with his other interests? Are they visiting Khmer ruins, scuba diving, ogling in Phuket or something more .... errrrm ... 'adventurous'?

    You have many nice things to say about him. What does your instinct say about these trips?
     
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