Husband visiting India alone :(

Husband and Wife are one soul in two bodies. If he wants to go alone this is a red flag. How do you know the conflict was not pre-planned from his family's side. Perhaps they have few matrimonial alliances waiting for him in India. This is a red flag.

If he is serious about reconciling both of you should go and stay in a nearby hotel. He can visit his family and depending on your mood, you can also visit his family.

 

Dear Op
i suggest tht u shud go with him n stay in a hotel! U never knw what all his parents will feed him against you! If ur hussband had been avoiding whatever his parents were saying and keeping peace with you , and ignoring his parents bitter talks then u r okay to let him go alone! But if he takes their talk seriosly n fights wid u abt it n it affects him then u shudnt ket him go alone! Its best you face the parents together! They shud knw u n ur husband are in the same party! They shud never get the idea niw, tht they can hv him to themselves without u! U bith are nw a package deal!
Otherwise they wud think that how does it matter ket us create more issues, as it is she dsnt come here so we dont hv to deal with her! N if they create issues at the wedding they are themsekves getting a bad name tht they dint get along wid their dil! U shud go n be nice to him extended family n let them see who is a better!

 

I'm really sorry to hear that OP — I realize how hurtful his behavior must be. Above all, I encourage you to keep strong...to love and value yourself no matter what.

I'm not aware of what your previous issues have been with your DH nor how you resolved them (if at all) but what exactly does this marriage mean to him? Is this a marriage of convenience for him? Have a wife when he wants or when it serves him but pretend like you're some luggage he can leave behind when the weight is too much for him? He's willing to talk the talk but how quickly he's willing to leave you behind as soon as it becomes inconvenient for him (and his parents) or that he has to act on what he said? What a coward.

Whatever happened to the marriage vows you both took? To treat each other as one, make decisions together and stay by each other's side...through sick and health? Good and bad? Sounds like he's forgotten this along with your agreement to go together or not go at all.

I'm not aware of what rebellious acts he's done in the past, but to me, this sounds like he's falling back into the same pattern. It doesn't seem like marriage is anything more than a concept in his mind to him. He understands it only from his perception, but he does not understand how to live it.

By all means, you should try to go with him but only if he's man enough to own up to being a husband to you. What that entails is that you are not someone who can be asked to step out of the room, his life or separated simply because his parents or anyone else has issues with you. He needs to be your advocate here. Why is the onus on you alone to behave and be left behind? What kind of message does that give to his relatives there? Are his parents not mature enough to conduct themselves properly especially in front of others? If not then he too should not go.

By you not going, it gives a clear message that you're dispensable and only considered to be a wife based on his parents' whim. It gives the message that his parents can continue to treat you however AND dictate the terms of your relationship without any consequence of their relationship with their son. The marriage is on if they're in the mood or off if they're not.

Is this the kind of capricious married life you see for yourself now? How about in 5 years? 15 years? Is this how your kids should be taught what a loving, committed marriage looks like? No? Then it is not okay for him to go alone. Not now, not ever unless you're genuinely okay with it. He won't magically change his ways in time, either. You need to drill this into him not when he comes back, not in 5 years time, but now. He's either committed to you and the marriage or he's not.

Also, while you can force him to take you, I also believe it would be best if the decision to take you with him comes directly from within him. Otherwise it will be further disappointment. Like other posters said, stay in a hotel if you must until things are "tolerable" with his parents but ask your DH...what does this marriage mean to him? Are you two a singular unit or are you not? Does he not feel any tinge of sadness when you're mistreated? What actions does he then take to ensure that his parents make just as much of an effort (if not more) as is expected from you?

If for whatever reason he goes without you, then I would encourage you to plan a trip of your own that's longer than his trip to India. You have vacation days lined up, I'm assuming. So use it. Go with friends or family. Build and maintain financial independence if you can. Without waiting on him to take you somewhere or go with you, go do something fun and don't return for at least 2 weeks. You need to start living for yourself and doing things that make you happy without relying on your husband as your sole source of happiness. Because until he gets the message that you'll live your life with or without him without waiting on him...until he genuinely realizes what he's missing, he will not step up to value it or take care of it. The more you plea or beg, the more it will push him away or make him believe he's the one in charge to do as he pleases without any consequence.

Hope this helps and again, please understand I'm not trying to offend you — but rather instill the message that talk is easy but don't believe a word he says until his actions prove otherwise. You are a lovely woman who deserves happiness. Don't settle for less. Love and value yourself no matter what.

 

I think you should let him go and not make it an issue. Use this time to study for your exams. 10 days fly by quickly. It will be both peaceful for you and him. If he is going alone the first time, he will miss you as well. Focus on your exams, other issues are here to stay,

 

Can his parents go to the extent of humiliating you in front of wedding guests ? If you are sure that they will be civil in front of guests, you can talk to your H and tell him that you want to join him...But what if your H himself is not sure how his parents will behave ? If that is the case, and he wants to avoid conflicts, then better to stick with his decision...You have your exam also and later if any IL complains about your absence, this can be given as a solid reason...

 

Hi,
If I were u I would have allowed my husband to go alone. I don't see any red flag here. You do what is convenient to both of you.
Why would you want him not to go for his cousin's marriage? Do you think u will be happy for those ten day's if u accompany him?.
U better concentrate on your exams rather than thinking about this.
Be happy that he is not nagging you to accompany him. After reaching rather if you are humiliated before others it would be bad for your relationship.
You yourself has told your husband is working to save your marriage. Then why are you so bothered.

Regards,
Twity

 

i think that's the right way to go. I am sure he will miss you when you are there as everyone will be querying him as to where his wife is.

Just enjoy the time while he is gone. Plan a ladies night out with friends.

 

It is his loss not urs. Just spend that time doing something for urself. make urself happy.good luck with ur exam results.