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Husband Too Ambitious and Flying High in Thoughts Alone

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by preetho, Feb 2, 2008.

  1. preetho

    preetho New IL'ite

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    Hi ILites,

    Its been a long time, ive posted anything at all in this site.

    I would like to share one of my problems and would like valuable suggestions from you all.

    I am 24 recently and was married 1.5 years back.

    Mine is a love marriage and my parents did not agree, while his parents agreed and got us married. Later only my parents agreed.

    He had no proper job though he was 29 when he was married.

    I motivated him right from my college days to do something but in vain. I started motivating him and being so much part of him, that eventually I owned responsible for his future and then thought that if I marry him, he will feel secure n safe and got married to him after all the oppositions in my family.

    But im sad today, that he is still the same. I have a decent job right immediately after my college, I got recruited into one of the leading software companies.

    He is too ambitious and always high in thought, but he is not looking into intricate ways of materializing it. No efforts and only high in thoughts.

    I have sat with him patiently many times and explained to him that life is not the way he things, becoming a multi millionaire in over night.

    He is not interested in going for a regular job and wants to do business that is into media and entertainment.

    Atlast i found something suitable for him, kind of sub-leasing in event management.

    It is not regular though, once in 3 months the main leasing company will get a contract from the clients and they will sub-lease to him. He will earn around 5000/- or less in that.

    I told him that we will start our own company and register it, so that we can go directly and get clients by showing our profile.

    He is always negative in his thoughts and not willing to take any initiative.

    We are from a high-middle class family. My FIL goes to work at the age of 69. My MIL has spoilt him bcoz he is the youngest in the family.

    Even after almost 2 years of marriage, they dont ask him to find a job and take up responsibilities.

    When i raised my voice over this issue, my MIL says that time will heal all the things and asked me to be patient.

    I have not gone for a honey moon from day 1 of our wedding, as I am taking care of all his expenses and sacrifice most of my basic needs too for the same.

    I dont expect any gifts worth Rs. 50/- too on my wedding day or my bday or any other function as any other normal wife would expect.

    I did not want to fite with him saying that he is in-efficient and break peace in the family.

    I did not reveal this to my parents, bcoz they will feel very bad that I made a wrong choice.

    My MIL does helps me financially, but this issue of him not settling down has created a kind of complex in me and ive become dis-interested in life.

    Kindly let me know if ive done anything wrong in this issue and let me know where I lack maturity.

    luv

    preetho
     
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  2. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    time to take stock baby,
    u need, a good counceling for your husband or get prepared to take life as u the man and he the dependant, this is the truth preetho they never change, and once pampered they have all excuses up their sleeve, if you don't take it up now and correct your life before you find it a burden later..sunkan
     
  3. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Preetho,

    First of all, Welcome back to active participation in IL.
    Your problem is indeed a testing one. However I think you can certainly do some stern actions to improve your life.

    - I believe you have married an immature person who has not grown up for whatever reasons. You need to first evaluate his feelings for you, does he really love you?

    - You need to give your husband stern warning that if he doesnot change his ways, you will have to change your own path in life. Stay away for some months after giving ultimatum. Distance teaches harders lessons faster.

    - Dont threaten him, but openly express your concerns and fears to him. Tell him your own expectation of your husband to him.

    - You are just 24, which is very young age to feel trapped in such one way marriage.

    - Tell your parents everything. Dont hide, you will feel relieved and supported. Parents never hold grudge against their kids.

    - Stop discussing solution with your MIL for this matter. I think she doesnot have anything concrete to offer you.

    - Socialise with other successful couples, call them home.Let your husband feel what part he is missing to play.

    You are no where immature in this whole ordeal. We do make wrong judgements about people sometime. We need not hold ourselves responsible for other's flaws. Only thing you should be doing at this stage, is try your max to help him take responsibility , else tell him you can seek out of marriage.
    Giving forever stamp to marriage sometime gives wrong notions to spouse. Let him have this concern that his loving wife is no default to fall back. He needs to earn your companionship for future.

    Hope this helps
    ria
     
  4. preetho

    preetho New IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    Thanks for all your suggestions.

    I believe that life is to live and he is afterall the person i loved......

    I sat and spoke to him and understood that he is willing to work but not in any office.....so i sat and spoke with my MIL and FIL and now arranged for opening up his own small company.............so that he can go and approach clients for his own business.........i placed the ball in his court now and he is also enthusiastic about the same..........

    My family is happy about this new thought of registering a company............I told him that now its your responsibility to bring the company up to flying colours.............

    I hope and pray that success begets him and our life is good as others............

    Again I thank all of you for ur support

    luv

    pree
     

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