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Husband Threat

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rosequeen, Jul 18, 2008.

  1. rosequeen

    rosequeen Bronze IL'ite

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    I come from a liberal Hindu family. I met my DH in college and we got married about 2 years ago. As my DH is a Muslim, he insisted on niqah and I agreed as I thought it was not a big deal at that time. They gave me a new Muslim name and we got married. As we both for software companies, we got busy with our routine and things were ok for a few months. Then my MIL began to indicate subtly that it was time for us to have a baby. I was not comfortable with this idea and wanted to wait for a few years. She indicated that it was not in their 'custom' to use birth control. Then my DH got transferred to Texas ,USA and I could not find work here. Again his family pressured me to have a baby but I didn't agree as I wanted to work. Soon after he lost his job and we had to move back to India. This was when all hell broke loose. My DH and family began to freely abuse me. They began to taunt me that these Hindu girls are more interested in work and not in family and I'm somehow responsible for his job loss. Luckily he got a job and we came back to the US, but there was no change in his attitude. He completely ignored me and hardly talks. I was feeling depressed. He began to threaten me that if I don't agree for a baby he'll marry someone in India and throw me out. Thats when I realized what a big mistake I made while agreeing to Islamic marriage in India. It is not possible to divorce him but he can do the same without going to court. Our marriage has reached its end but I still have to stick on as there is no way out. Can anyone help me with this please?
     
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  2. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

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    i think in india when two people of different religion marry, they also have to get married in court.. i think its called a register marriage to protect both parties legally.. not sure if you converted for him or not but you could possibly look into that..

    i too have a friend in NY who married a Muslim man and are going through serious marital problems.. divorce might be on the cards for them.. too sad..
     
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  3. rosequeen

    rosequeen Bronze IL'ite

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    Mrs.V,
    I didn't go for special registration during time of marriage as I didn't think it was a big deal. Can nobody help me now?
     
  4. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Rosequeen,

    I dont think your all way outs are closed. Have you met a lawyer who can tell you your options here? I would suggest meeting one and then discussing with your family and then arriving at any conclusions. I am not sure if you have made yoru mind to come out or not. But at no point , you should feel stuck in life.

    I wish I had more legal information to provide, but I would rather have you correct info than supreflueous one.

    Ria
     
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  5. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

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    i totally missed the fact that you were here.. it's not like india where when a muslim couple decides to divorce, the islamic law is upheld.. you can take him to court.. speak with a lawyer who specializes in divorce law.. there are lawyers who do this on a pro bono basis (free of charge) so they can give you better advice
     
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  6. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    Meeting the lawyer should be the first step. It doesn't make sense to continue the marriage when the spouse is not at all understanding.

    Think of a beautiful life ahead. Probably you can come back to India and find a job in software. Start afresh. Please don't think you are stuck, there is always a way out all you have to do is to search for the way out.

    You can also try talking to your husband and mutually you can agree for a separation.

    All the best for your future.

    regards

    :coffeeShiva
     
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  7. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Rosequeen ,

    If you havent registerd under both laws or atleast under one your marriage is no good and I suppose you can freely walk out. My cousin had married a christian and we r hindus. They hadnt registerd . When things didnt work for them and it came to court.. her lawyer had told that since it has not been registered under both laws ( Hindu and christian ) their marriage is nullified.. !! But in my cousin's case she never converted to christianity.. However there are lottts of loop holes in our family courts.. Speak to a lawyer. I also remember hearing of a new law in muslim community in India which helps divorce from the woman's side too ! Pls chek that as well ..
     
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  8. lucullan

    lucullan New IL'ite

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    Hi!

    I am also pretty sure that if you haven't "registered" your marriage through a Special Marraige Act it is not valid at all.
    Me any my hubby first married in a traditional telugu way. He being a hundu and me..hmmm..a European :). I am not a hindu, not even Indian for that matter. So when we wanted to register the marriage we learned that it's useless - not valid. We had to go to some marriage office and register our marriage, come with 3 witnesses and then return after 3 months with the same 3 witnesses and then only our marriage was valid. I know for sure the same rule applies when a hindu and muslim marry in India, because it was included in this same form we signed.

    Above all this...i am really sorry that your marriage didn't work out :( I am also in a mixed marriage so to speak and i know well how many traps there are to make it a failure. It requires a really strong relationship for such marriage to work out.
     
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  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Lot of insights for persons sailing in the same or similar boat. Thread is a mine!
     
  10. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    I am guessing that you came to the USA as your husband’s dependent. Your marriage is already valid as your visa papers confirm you his wife/spouse.

    If you are in the USA, talk to a few lawyers. Your spouse cannot just throw you out in this country, use your rights to end this marriage legally (if that’s what you want).

    I didn’t have any proof of marriage (Hindu marriage no registration) and I was in the USA on my own visa while my ex was in India (never came to the USA) but I could still apply for divorce. My ex’s lawyer from India tried to convince the USA court that our marriage took place in India under Hindu law and can’t be dissolved in the USA but court dismissed his appeal citing that a marriage is a marriage and can be dissolved wherever the person lives.
     
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