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Husband thinks everything is Ok with my Inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by wife1, Mar 12, 2013.

  1. Mar 12, 2013 #1
    wife1

    wife1 Senior IL'ite

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    i can clearly see that my inlaws dnt talk to me when we are on skype..they will make general conversation or they will address my husband. They dnt ask me anything specifically....i'm ok with this because even i dnt want to talk to them any more ...rather i really ant to reduce my sitting in front of them and do some other stuff while they are on skype...

    i know ost of you have adviced me to do household chores while they skype.In my case the problem is husband

    1. He just fail to understand that I dnt like his parents....if I tell him straight on his face all the bad things they do, then he fights and tells me that it hurts listening something against parents...if I dnt say anythig he assumes that everything is ok :bonk

    2. When he is of this assumption that everything is ok, he wants me to talk to them on skype and will clearly say in front of them that we will finish off the work later come sit here...
    If i still pretend to finish things, he says that I ignore his parents and he does the same with mine:drowning

    3. when I'm sitting in front of skype he will keep putting the screen or camera either in front of me or my kid....as if they want to see me :rotfl
    i sometimes try to put the screen away from myself and then later he will say that they were asking something and you were ignoring....if i tell him that they were not asking or talking to me or rather they dnt want to talk to me , its you silly ho thinks otherwise, then there is a huge fight....


    To avoid fight in any of these scenarios, I'm forced to sit in front of them which is driving me nuts....

    I have taken advice's from you all and is practicing patience and ignoring things, so dnt know how to handle this.....i can ignore this half n hour to 1 hour sitting in front of skype but it really bothers me that I have to do this every week and week and may be forever....
     
    wife1, Mar 12, 2013
    wife1, Mar 12, 2013
    #1
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  2. Mar 12, 2013 #2
    GodIsOne

    GodIsOne Gold IL'ite

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    I am sure it is irritating. Can you plan your grocery shopping or running some errands during this time. That way you will not be home or if you have a close friend, have him/her call you around that time.
     
    GodIsOne, Mar 12, 2013
    GodIsOne, Mar 12, 2013
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  3. Mar 12, 2013 #3
    wife1

    wife1 Senior IL'ite

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    nope as I said, Husband says we will do things later..i cant make an excuse to do any stuff...
     
    wife1, Mar 12, 2013
    wife1, Mar 12, 2013
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  4. Mar 12, 2013 #4
    snm1984

    snm1984 Platinum IL'ite

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    Tricky situation and really annoying.Another eg of blind faith.

    Definitely what he's doing is wrong,no one should force you to do something.I would say show it in your actions since "talking" doesn't seem to work with him.Sit like a statue,ask them standard questions and give replies if they ask you questions,then stop it at that.Its good you have your DD with you,pretend to teach her something play with her while he talks.Throw all the attention on her,play with her and slowly steer her away from the laptop and sofa .Don't ask permission from your H to do this that,just do it in a way he will be caught unaware.

    If he asks tell him not to force you.Tell him you never force him to talk to your parents for long time.And that you feel suffocated sometimes because of his actions.And also say it lightly,"what on earth should I talk with them for an hour?They are your parents you can talk to them for hrs comfortably without my presence.I want to give you your space."

    Walk away from him and don't get into arguments.Just ignore him for time being and carry on with your work.And be normal with him later.Continue this cycle,he will get used to it.Good luck.
     
    snm1984, Mar 12, 2013
    snm1984, Mar 12, 2013
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  5. Mar 12, 2013 #5
    MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Pls tell me is it easy for u to hear anything against yr parents? If your ans is no, then pls try to understand yr husband. Blood is thicker than water...u are just in his life now..he is their son, so of course he will not think negatively about them.....
     
    MaritalBliss, Mar 12, 2013
    MaritalBliss, Mar 12, 2013
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  6. Mar 12, 2013 #6
    guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello again,

    Your DH seems to be trying to patch things up between your ILs and you in his own way. And the universal Indian way seems to be to brush everything under the carpet! Bless him. IMO the best thing to do as far as ILs are concerned is to ensure that you NEVER complain to DH about them. Never ever. This will bring you his love and respect. Already has; right?

    They are his parents. And he wants them to be happy. Looks like your DH wants you to be happy as well, And of course he wants you to accept them. That seems to be the point of asking you to sit there. In order to be happy in your life, you surely need DH to be happy; right? I'd suggest that you be politically correct always. Sit there as he wishes. You ask them how they are. Never mind about them or perceive insults from their behaviour. Leave it at that. There is no point stewing about them and letting them live "rent free" in you head.

    Stick in there. Sit in front of the camera. Smile. If you want, take a book or your laptop or something else like vegetables and chop them in front of your ILs during the later stages of chat. This is so that you have something to do.

    Best thing you can do is look happpppy and be jolly and joke with your DH during the chat. If your ILs are nice people they'll enjoy seeing you and their son happy. If they aren't, it will annoy them to no extent ;)

    Stay there, Wife1. You are doing great. Go on doing it.

    Love,
    G
     
    guesshoo, Mar 12, 2013
    guesshoo, Mar 12, 2013
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    6 people like this.
  7. Mar 12, 2013 #7
    jaanu143

    jaanu143 Gold IL'ite

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    Dont worry, just sit infront of camera and start playing with ur kid .....By this u would not get into fight with ur DH and u also can pass on time...
     
    jaanu143, Mar 12, 2013
    jaanu143, Mar 12, 2013
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  8. Mar 12, 2013 #8
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, this is a good suggestion. Look happy. Sit close to husband. Present husband and self as a unit. Turn to husband once in a while and say something that is directed to him, 'hey, remember...we should.... did I tell you'. If others don't look at you, still speak to them and make them look at you. Go away once or twice during the call - you get a breather, and it also shows them that the call is important but not a call from God. Once in a while, leave with your kid when call is about 3/4 done.

    Give a little, gain a lot. Husband will not try to avoid talking to your parents. Husband happy, you happy. and in-laws, like guesshoo said, will be happy or annoyed. win win win.
     
    Rihana, Mar 12, 2013
    Rihana, Mar 12, 2013
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  9. Mar 13, 2013 #9
    parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is typical of most men when it comes to their parents. Like someone rightly said that they like to brush every issue under the carpet. It will take him some time to understand your point. Even then he will understand it only upto a point. Some subtle signs from your inlaws that they are not interested in talking to you will be visible to you but not to husband. Just play along for now...if they are really not interested your husband may notice. Good luck!
     
    parvathi1980, Mar 13, 2013
    parvathi1980, Mar 13, 2013
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    3 people like this.

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