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Husband Takes Household Decisions With Daughter.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Sep 10, 2023.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Your choice of words above worried me a lot. Which father in the right frame of mind would do something like this however mad he is with his spouse? I don't know how old is your daughter but is there a line that should be drawn by a father after his daughter reaches certain age?

    If you have dysfunctional marriage, it should be something you both need to talk to each other or take counseling. Your daughter should not be used as a pawn in settling score with each other. If your husband is using your daughter as a tool to irritate you, it is wrong. Even your words of comparing yourself with your daughter is outright wrong.

    Both your actions are going to create a major conflict in your daughter's mind. Neither of you are setting an example for your daughter to learn and lead an ideal life after she becomes an adult and get married. Just imagine what should be going through her mind when her father is consulting with her on everything ignoring you and your son. He is teaching her indirectly that if she doesn't like anyone, they should be ignored and made inconsequential no matter what role they play in her life. By remaining silent to your husband's treatment of you, you are teaching her that she should be submissive no matter how her future husband treats her.

    There is no point in becoming a victim in a marriage in the presence of your children. You need to set an example for your children how to stand up for their rights. You may get sympathetic words from a few if you write about what you are suffering but think strategically what impact it creates in the mind of your children. Even if your son is not involved, he is watching all these actions and tomorrow he will learn these kinds of behavior and expect his future wife to be submissive. Neither of you are setting a good example for your children. Things will have to change and the continuation of the status qua will not be conductive for your children even though you may think your staying together with your husband is helpful to your children.

    I wish and pray things change soon in your family. All the best to you.
    KashmirFlower, hrastro and iyerviji like this.
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP,

    Your choice of words are really weird. It does not seem to be venting. But making the readers worry about some improper relationship between a father and a daughter.
    In this case, if the daughter is a child, it may even constitute an abuse of sexual nature. A serious crime.
    What are you talking here?

    If you are taking OP's words at its face value, you are correct. But if you analyze its pattern and the way of communication, including this thread, it says something else. Perhaps, the problem lies with the OP.

    I am sorry to say this, but this is something I have always thought about, given OP's hormonal imbalance and extreme physical and probably psychological disturbs due to her hormones for a long time.

    The way she sees things, exaggerate them and chose words to explain a problem is really not normal.

    For example, I can understand her anger towards her spouse for not giving her/the wife priority in decision making process. But calling the DD vs Dad relationship as girlfriend Vs Boyfriend relationship in a public forum is height anger.
    Her post appears as if she is extremely angry on her DD for replacing herself in her husband's life. But she clarified in her replies that it is not the case.

    So, all in all.... I would rather ask the OP to seek therapy and improve herself to come back as the most desirable woman in the family.
    Even if she doesn't find importance in the family, she will learn to value herself and walk out of a dysfunctional family for good.
    When you are happy and confident, you will be able to make others happy.
    No one likes a confused, angry and clumsy person. Leave alone their spouse.

    Let me be the devil's advocate here.

    This man seems to be a very good son, very good sibling, very good friend to many and a successful employee too. I have now learned that he is a good father who respects and supports his own daughter.
    Apparently he has an unresolved problem with his wife for a long time. Yet he chose to live with her despite of the fact that she is still financially dependent on him.
    Perhaps, he is also coping in this dysfunctional family for kids, whom he loves.
    Perhaps, being attached to the kids is one of the coping strategy which keeps him functioning given the fact that his wife is an angry bird :(

    I can very well relate to what OP is going through. My heart goes out to her.
    As always replied, I reiterate that OP should seek professional help... be it managing her hormones, stress as well as all her physical and psychological problems.
    There is no taboo in seeking help. There are professionals who could help us to feel good, sleep well, and process our thinking constructively.
    Give it a break, and focus on yourself first. The rest will fall in the right place.
    If not, walk out... This time, you will be a confident and self reliant person who could give a better home to your kids without having to depend on your "bad' husband.
    To have this ability, you should definitely seek help from the professionals, not here on-line.
    shama146 likes this.

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