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Husband Snapped At Mom!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by KayKuyil, Feb 18, 2020.

  1. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    Hello - I am 5 weeks post partum. Parents are here. Today when my mom was trying to ask my husband if he needed help with something, he snapped saying he will take care. In all these 8 yrs of marriage, he has been the ideal son in law and so it was a shock to all of us to see him snap like that. He is usually like that with his parents and me when he is pissed or caught up in something. But first time in front of my parents. It’s not a big deal but I know my mom felt bad because she least expected it. When I told my husband that it wasn’t nice of him and that I am angry and disappointed, he didn’t realize that he snapped and felt he only told because apparently since morning my parents have been trying to ‘help’ him with the baby which in his mind seemed like he wasn’t good enough to handle the baby. I don’t know if it’s my pp emotions, but I have been feeling so sad and angry since then. I just need help or advice to help me get over this. Am I overreacting or should I deal with this more?
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
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  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    You are not overreacting.

    Your mom was just trying to help.You can be a mediator and tell your mom to let him do his thing with the baby and him volunteering for help which sooner or later I bet he will.Also,just tell your mom he had some office tension to ease her out.


    However..you can let your husband know
    That it would be nice he can go and say a sorry to your mom as she felt bad.There is no ego in this..Many a times we DIL have apologized for no mistake from our side too to the guy’s parents just to maintain peace in the family.I am sure a sorry to your mom will surely ease her pain.
     
  3. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    i assume this is your first child. congratulations .

    you will get great inputs here in IL. I can only say, after the baby is born next 4-6 months will be highly stressfull period .

    you seem like a great person , by the you have analyzed, from what i read.

    <quote>
    t’s not a big deal but I know my mom felt bad because she least expected it. When I told my husband that it wasn’t nice of him and that I am angry and disappointed, he didn’t realize that he snapped and felt he only told because apparently since morning my parents have been trying to ‘help’ him with the baby which in his mind seemed like he wasn’t good enough to handle the baby.
    </quote>

    handling new born for men is different than for women.

    take lot of rest as your parents are here.

    sorry i can't say either support or fight with your spouse. People snap when they are in stress. You can put a short and quick word to him, to consider to apolojize. getting too upset at this time won't go well due to raging hormones.
     
  4. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Congratulations! Not a big deal, let husband know his behavior came across as rude and ask him to apologize. Having parents and in-laws during delivery makes things complicated sometimes. Don’t pick a fight, this is time to bond as new parents.
     
  5. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Bronze IL'ite

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    If your husband is otherwise so good , I don't think you should worry too much. You can later tell him to apologise as your mom is here to help u and elder also . At the same time ask him what's going on and on why he felt like they acted like he is not good enough to handle the baby ..did they say anything . Try to comfort him and give confidence . You both must be stressed out with new baby , and your mom too . In such situations better to overlook some things and try to get everything back to normal . I think everything will be fine really.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...sometimes Indian parents can go overboard trying to make their damaad( son in law) comfortable .

    It can be quite irritating even though the son in law knows they are trying to make him happy ...not to excuse the snapping at your mom...but it can happen .

    My dad makes my husband's life miserable by following him around and asking him if wants something to drink ten times a day . :facepalm:
    Then he comes to me and I rescue him .:)

    Tell your mom he did not mean it and apologize on his behalf and tell them to let him be and not get after him .

    The way we expect our husbands to be the bridge between their parents and us...we also have to step up and be the bridge between our parents and husband.

    I feel this is not a big incidence specially when it was a reaction and without any mean intention.
    Asking him to apologize for this will bring distance and formality between them .
    It may seem like the right thing to do ...but it does have side effects.

    I would instead have asked my husband to get her a little gift or some flowers.
     
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Good suggestion...
    Extreme sleep deprivation along with responsibility of anew baby combined with office pressure can make the most calm and soft and amiable person cranky...
    Situation needs to be managed it’s tact...
    Sometimes due to formal relation between Saas and Damad he maybe embarrassed to apologise..if he says sorry it’s ok else he can show by action like making her favourite dish or gift or flowers, it would work..
     
  8. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    He is a new dad. He feels for the baby and let him try and do whatever he can.
    Support him. Your parents will understand.


    Same should be the case when his parents are around. He should let you take care of the kid in ur way and not let his parents interfere.
     
    Thyagarajan, KayKuyil and lavani like this.
  9. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    Hello all - So sorry for the delayed response. Things got busy here with naming ceremony preparations, visitors, flu precaution etc.

    I wanted to thank you all so much. I was looking at it very one-dimensionally. Thanks to all your words, I didn’t make it a bigger issue. By the same day evening, husband was speaking as usual with mom and she cooled down and was happy. As you suggested, when I did observe closely, I noticed that my parents were going a bit overboard with the son-in-law courtesies and ended up taking his time with the baby in a way of helping. I had to regroup my thoughts and think how I will feel if it was my in-laws. At the same time I did let husband know to be mindful of his emotions and he apologized. I cannot tell you all how grateful I am. If not for your wisdom, I would have ended up making this a huge issue than it is. Thank you all again!
     
  10. Hosanna

    Hosanna Bronze IL'ite

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    Great suggestions by our ILs and you have solved the issue in a more matured way. Glad to know that. Happy parenting.
     

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