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Husband seeking divorce with special kid custody from inhumans

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sample, Aug 29, 2015.

  1. sample

    sample New IL'ite

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    I have a special kid.

    I had been requesting inhumans (wife and in-laws) for the divorce with special kid custody. But I could not get.


    It was very long tragedy. To give brief background. I was there in the traumatic marriage for 4 years due to kids emergency, otherwise marriage would have ended long ago. 3 years were spent on kid emergency due to an abnormality in the brain. I had got the brain surgery done for the kid at youngest age 1.5 years. After surgery kid had got complete paralysis. The surgery was destructive but life saving. So I had no choice. I was there next to my kid all the time serving all her needs. All the doctors and nurses who attended my kid know how I had taken care of my kid as both father and mother through out her emergencies, surgery, post surgery recovery.


    After all this tragedy, I was completely devastated emotionally, physically, financially, mentally. I was in deep debts and depression.


    While my kid was fighting between life and death, my wife and in-laws had showed their inhuman behaviours. ( they paid life insurance on infant kid name when the doctors said there is a life risk for the infant kid. They stolen 15 lac money which I had collected through debts for surgery. )


    After surgery when my kid came out of emergency, I have called in-laws total family to my home, and told them, I want the divorce with special kid custody. They said they will think decide later. (it was not as simple as this, there was long fight, threats.....but no use in mentioning them now)


    I had waited for 3 months, there was no response from them.


    My kid needs more treatments which are not available in India. I have got the visa to the UK. Just before coming to the abroad, I have told them I want to keep the kid with my parents. They did not agree. I could not fight and waste time with them. I came to abroad.


    I want to bring the kid to the abroad for the treatments. Also need to travel to the USA for some treatments. Now it is been 3 years requesting them for the divorce with kid custody.


    They had been intimating through the mediators saying they are going to file police case. We said we are ready to face and prove our innocence in the court. They did 8 times in last 3 years.


    Now I hate to see their inhuman faces.


    It is going nowhere. It is been 3 years. My kid is suffering. Earlier the treatments better the results. But, all my requests went in vain.


    I could have fought in the court, but if I am running behind the court in india my visa will be expired. I could not get the treatments to the kid without retaining my visa.


    Now I am helpless to my special kid and thoughtless to myself.


    Could you please advice me, how could I solve this complex problem.


    Many thanks in advance.
     
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  2. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    My heart goes out for you. Oh what a tragic situation you are going through. The pain and anguish are in the post you have sent.
    I am really not familiar with the legal process of divorce and custody in India.
    However with kid you should seek a lawyer in India and proceed with divorce.
    Given whatever you have written about your wife and in laws it is very unlikely they will give kid's custody to you. Moreover since you are abroad it is likely that they will be expecting a heavy alimony from you for both the special kid and themselves.This is what I feel is going to be happening when you apply for divorce.
    Please talk to good lawyer and he should help you.
    I pray that you get peace of mind and happiness in future.
     
  3. sample

    sample New IL'ite

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    Thanks Mam.

    I had worked so hard to save my kid from emergency. It was 2 months continuous hospitalization during brain surgery.

    I don't know who will take care of my kid after end of my life. That is why I want make her as independent as possible by providing all the available medical aid. May some scientist invent the medicine in the near future for my kid.

    There were many sleepless nights and foodless days. I was literally crying many days thinking why my kid has got such a big health problem and why there is no cure.

    Neither they are allowing me to help the kid nor they are helping the kid. This is where I am becoming helpless day to day.

    My family was poor family. My parents and my 3 sisters are illiterates. All of them have shed their blood , did hard work in the agriculture land gave me education. I had studied up to M.Tech.

    Now now I am crying for my kids life and my parents and sisters are crying for my struggles.

    I can give all the money I have with me to wife and in laws. But to serve the special kid one needs a lot patience and commitment and do hard work. It is life long commitment. Based on my experience with them, they could not make the kid life better by providing all the medical aids.

    Now I am planning to consult the lawyer and proceed legally. So seeking advices here.
     
  4. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't call me mam.......I already feel getting older. lol.
    Ok, I do understand that is life long commitment.
    Who is currently looking after the kid? Do you know the diagnosis you kid had initially and what kind of surgery did he go through? What do you mean by complete paralysis is it one sided or paraplegic or quadriplegic. Does your kid need complete support for activities of daily life like bathing, toileting etc. Is there any signs of recovery with her progress as per doctor's advice. Do you mean medical treatment meaning rehabilitation? If you could shed details on these I could suggest some advice.
    Regarding legal stuff I am really naive, other ILs might suggest regarding it.
     
  5. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Since it is public forum and if really don't want to post personal medical details of your kid, pm me and I will try to advice you or give suggestions.
     
  6. sample

    sample New IL'ite

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    I don't see an option to send the pm.
    I will try to give minimal medical details as these are kids personal medical details.
    surgery was hemespherectomy. paralysis was one sided. speech was also lost from surgery. surgery was done to treat one of the symptoms of the actual medical problem. kid needs treatments to the skin, eye, rehabilitation (physio - leg, occupational - hand, speech) for the surgical side effects, along with actual medical problem. The group of doctors working(research) on my kids health problem in the boston children hospital USA.

    As of now kid is hosted by wife and in laws, they are saying to people who mediated to solve the problem, I will fall on their feet for the kid if they hide the kid, that is the only option left with them. Mediators suggested me not to beg for the kid that is creating bottleneck, Let them voluntarily come out saying we could not handle the kid and then immediately take the kid custody get the treatments done and wait until that time.
     
  7. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    The reason for hemispherectomy is not given.
    Anyhow to pm you need to have posted about 10 posts I think in a month, not sure whether 20.
    Once you reach them you can send private messages.
    Since it is personal issue I would prefer you to let me know after that as message.
    With whatever you have given the surgery is a really such a drastic and major surgery, so I would presume the diagnosis to be really not be a good one as well.
    In your circumstance the treatment would be symptomatic and rehabilitation to improve the strength ( as you said physiotherapy, occupational therapy).
    The speech lost would have life long consequences ( sorry I feel very distressed to let you know it), but I presume that the doctors would have gone in length about the prognosis of these with you. Don't hesistate to contact by pm, I will try to find info which is required for you. I might not know all the answers immediately but will get back to you.
    I feel you need counselling as well as the task of taking care of such kid is very stressful and daunting task.
    Please don't fall too low to get back with kid. I can feel the distress, but I would suggest you not to fall at their legs which they don't deserve and moreover you could do that to God - Hope He hears you.
    I do pray to God that He gives you all strength that is needed to cope with this unbearing situation/problems.
    Take care
     
  8. sample

    sample New IL'ite

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    Thanks @vaidehi71.
     
  9. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Was reading about your kids problem. Wow - there does seem to be some recovery of language functions for some kids who have surgery done at young age. Hope the same for your kid. I thought I should let you know it as I had written the opposite previously.
    I more or less know why it was done, but would like to full picture to tell more advice
     
  10. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    Is there any way only you & your wife can sit down and discuss about the kid's future? Have you tried that or this option has already been exhausted?
     

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