Husband Says Everything Finished Please Help

First, I think you seriously need to figure out why he can't see any good in you.
- every relationship has its ups n downs but for a spouse to say n mean that they are done with you n feel nothing for you, is another level.
- you can analyse n figure out where it started to go in that direction n point to the exact problem. That way you can find a solution.

Second, some quiet may actually do you all good as there has been enough amount of big n small fights. So less communication n some meditation n soothing music playing around the house with some nice aroma / incense smoke actually has a lot of calming effect. Jus pick something soft n works for the both of you.

Third, tell him that since you both can't divorce for family reasons, that you would like to be friends as you want to give the child a positive environment n not two adults that grunts, do face turning, grind teeth, angry stares, etc at each other and that you want to be civil n give respect as a fellow human. Stop behaving like husband n wife n start treating each other like how you will when you are beginning a friendship with that level of respect n communication. This maybe a good start. Behave different, make the changes visible.

Fourth, no fights. If you feel the need to argue, move out of that room n start listening to music or go for a walk. Make your house a zero argument zone. Applies for him too.

Fifth, be independent. Try to get a job. Make your friends circle n have a social life. A girls day out is super energising. Get a changeover, you can start with a nice hair cut n announce that you are starting a new life. All this is not for you to leave him but to make some positive changes in your life. These kinda changes will help you both. Bring in a lot of positivity inside you, around you n your home.

 

I suspect EMA..
Try to keep an eye on him.. check his phone, email,etc if there is an option..

 

Hi @Prabh,

I am sorry that you are going through a difficult time. But based on your post you do say that both of you are fighting and he is worse than you..Can you describe a specific issue, to see if he was at fault or unreasonable? Sometimes it’s harder to see our own faults during a fight..am not saying you are at fault, but something to think about since you say separation is not an option, you have to look for ways of improving the relationship..

How is his work? Are there any stresses there he might be bringing back home?

I think it may be a good idea to have a neutral person give their opinion on this. A marriage counsellor or a well meaning friend would be good, so you can both open up and see what the reasons are for the other person acting that way..

 

Breaking a relationship is easy, simple and fast. To justify it, both of you can find n number of reasons too. So the arguments will have no value at this stage.

To build a new life is not an easy thing. You should think about your baby and his happiness now. It is worth to take a short break to 'reset' yourself. Yoga or a divine retreat might be helpful to rediscover the good things in this relationship.

Foundation of any relationship lies on mutual respect. So do not harm it. Difference of opinion is normal. Arguments are normal.
Every human expect respect from others. We dont loose anything if we show respect to another person while expressing our point of view.

Spirituality has a key role in moulding our thoughts, behaviour and relationship.

May God bless.

 

Reading your post, apart from Anger and Ego killing relationship , there are no other major issues which time cannot heal. so just wait for things to come back to normal. if you get time read through other posts of how some of our sisters here are suffering due to physical abuse, extra marital affairs etc. you are in much much better position i feel. Just have faith in god and pray. Never ever utter things in rage. good ties will soon return

 

Try being disengaged with him. Just don't pay any attention to him. Be interested in a new hobby and see his reaction. Usually, if you withdraw focus from him to more on yourself and also show interest in others/hobbies he might show more interest in you.

Also, does he have a personality disorder? Maybe he is behaving this way due to chemical imbalance in his head.

Or, he is taking advantage of your helplessness. He knows you are stuck with him. You have a kid with him. You have no where to go. He doesn't have to be nice to you. Is he fundamentally a nice person?

 

Hi,

Can you try to stop starting an argument even if the mistake is on your husband’s side for somedays and see if he changes and show love for you?

If he changes, the hatred he shows might be bcos of frequent fights and hurtful words you guys exchange.

If he doesn’t change even after that, he might have really lost interest on you.