1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Husband Says Everything Finished Please Help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Prabh, Dec 27, 2017.

  1. Prabh

    Prabh New IL'ite

    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello all

    In short will give you brief Description about me and my husband and my 1 year old baby.
    We as a couple have different nature in general and specially in terms of anger and ego .I will say definitely i have lesser of anger issues and lesser ego than him but he thinks it's reversal and I know what is the truth. He is dominating in terms of anger and ego.

    Like every couple from last 6 years since we got married we have big and small fights but from last some months specifically last 3 -4 months we are having small arguments and he is definitely making them bigger and bitter also and have faced so many silent treatment.

    Now last fight yesterday as i said very small issue he made big and today while discussing he said that he don't want to be with me ,he does not loves me,he don't like to touch me and have any physical intimacy with me as he does not feels like now.
    He said you might be having any gud thing in you but I can't see that.
    He said so many times many cruel things like he don't even like me know so no point of loving and I know his tone was serious and not of anger .

    I always ignore all the fights big or small and opt for apology and start normal conversation even with in silent treatment.

    I internally know somewhere this relation is dead from his side as he doesn't feels anything for me but is sticking with me only for sake of his parents and social name but i still have feelings for him.

    He has never created any problem for me no finance problem no hitting me etc
    As a person what I feel is it's his ego ,anger, mood swings and moody nature is spoiling our marriage.
    I may be angry moody etc but i am very emotional and want to end fight.
    I tried all methods now according to his way and according to my way also but there is of no use now. Somewhrer down the line he hates me and I can see that.
    He cared for me in terms of giving food to me giving me good things in general i am talking but he will never come and hug me kiss me etc.

    Earlier i use to initiate things in last some months he responded sometimes but now from last 1 month i am so drained emotionally that i am fed up of constant disrespect.

    I know something's that i need to tell you all before you all guide me
    Divorce and separation is not an option for me because of two reasons one is my parents as i don't want them to see me goes through all this .now they are in their old age me being youngest child at home and only girl always remained pampered safe and loved. Sitting here in foreign country i don't even want to show them i am unhappy and separating.

    Second is my baby now. It's my responsibility to take care of my baby as i don't want to fight for baby in any of court.
    And moreover i don't want a baby don't get love of father as i know what is the importance of father in life.
    My husband is a very good father in all terms i agree..

    The only issue in our marriage is his hatred towards me due to constant fights and he has stopped giving any inputs in this relation.

    I am happy with him when he is happy and again a phase comes of fight and silent treatment and life stops.

    Please guide me how to handle this relation now.
     
    Loading...

  2. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    664
    Likes Received:
    1,006
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't know the exact situation but assuming lots of things to find out various possible solving methods.

    It may happen that during your argument you said something that hurt him and his male ego and he is analysing all the communication on the basis of that.

    A male always wants his say in life and he respect those who trust them and follow them. You have the freedom up to the point he finds you in the right direction.

    Silent treatment also sometimes hurt a lot as other person even if want to say something not able to do so.

    You need a discussion of each and everything with him.

    But before that I feel you should try for intimacy. This makes the relationship stronger. You can give him some smiles and make his favourite dish and wear some nice clothes get ready the way he likes.

    You can also collect some pics of your good times and show him when you are together alone.

    Keep your mind fresh and healthy everything will be streamlined.
     
    Prabh likes this.
  3. Socialbee

    Socialbee Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    55
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female

    Hi Prabh,

    Hugs to you. Don’t worry. Everyone goes through this phase in marriage when they feel its all going to end and there is no future. But with time, people will forget and move on. For now, i would suggest you to stay calm for a week or two. Do not react or initiate a discussion for a while. Let things cool down. As you are clear on staying in this marriage, best way would be to choose a path that gives you a peaceful marriage life.
    You know well that your husband has anger and ego issues. So, don’t start any topic which you know will lead to a conflict. If there are disagreements, best thing would be to cut short the conversation and move on. Sometimes in the process of making someone understand our point, we might get unnecessarily hurt. Just think like the opposite party will never understand, so no point in arguing. Concentrate on your kid. Your baby needs you the most now. Continue doing your duties as wife. Surely things will fall in place slowly. Don’t lose hopes. All the best.
     
    Prabh, Sandycandy and madras2018 like this.
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,117
    Likes Received:
    2,680
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I suggest you tell them all ur issues,so they can guide u.
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,117
    Likes Received:
    2,680
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    The baby will be yours even if u divorce.
     
  6. rshaik

    rshaik New IL'ite

    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey I noticed this is the same issue for all the married ladies with their husbands.Mine is also the same. He is just responsible towards children and me. No more love. A phase comes in a life for everyone. This is the time when you should be emotionally strong. Try talking to him and doing things for him, but if he doesn't respond, don't get hurt. You spend your time with ur kiddo. Act that u r happy with him and kiddo infront of him. Provoke him into conversations about the times wen u both were happy. You can't expect a change in him overnight. Gradually he will change, then try to become intimate with him. But telling u pls be emotionally strong all through.
     
    Prabh and MonikaSG like this.
  7. Dishaa

    Dishaa Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    222
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Op,

    As suggested by other members, things will get better in due course of time so don't worry.
    Be happy and take care of your health, your kid and enjoy your time with your kid.

    If possible try not to argue or fight, if anything you need you can ask your husband (as you said he fulfills your needs and is a good father).
     
    Prabh and Sandycandy like this.
  8. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    305
    Likes Received:
    380
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    I am sorry but I disagree. This does not happen in every marriage. This deeply rooted hatred could be due to some serious misunderstanding between them as op herself is not so sure. There is a resentment in her husband and op is clueless about it. Only a proper and meaningful communication with husband will enable op to resolve the differences. Op do communicate your husband but do listen to him this time. You may feel that he is repeating the same whines and complaints but just try to listen the underlying problem there.
    And this is something very serious and needs a lot of patience from op's side considering she is choosing to stay in this marriage. So dear op, try to communicate again and listen his complaints this time.
     
    tulip07, Prabh and charanya147 like this.
  9. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,807
    Likes Received:
    5,244
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    My guess is all the hurtful things were said in a fit of rage , so I would not assume that he hates you . In any case lie low, don’t get into arguments till things get better. Every couple goes through a phase where they take each for granted but eventually life and other circumstances make you realize the spouses value. Give him some time , his realization will happen sooner or later. Please take care !
     
    Dishaa, Prabh and nandinimithun like this.
  10. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,187
    Likes Received:
    4,431
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    This phase helps you to become emotionally strong....
    Every couple goes through a difficult phase.... dont worry... Am sure he must have told in a fit of rage.... just give him sometime and you relax too...

    Take care of your little one and give your little one loads of hugs and love....
    Stay strong and positive, this phase is like a speed breaker on the road, it will eventually go away, dont worry dear
     
    Sandycandy and Prabh like this.

Share This Page