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Husband regrets marriage with me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by riya123, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Riya

    One thing here is its natural for any parents/sibling to get all upset and angry when they come to know about what all atrocities their daughter has gone through....however the point we have to remember is....would the same parents/siblings be available to you all the time in your life when you need them? I meant would you be able to run to them all the time??

    My suggestion to you...here you are the one who is going through pain and in this marraige. You are the one who has to decide wehtehr you want to live in this marriage, give your husband a chance and decide where to take it all this to!! to which level ??

    Now that your husband also realised that finally your parents are aware of all the sitaution, he too conveyed his intentions that he is not looking for separation and he is quiet. Might be when he starts talking or raises this topic, put your point across...i.e what you are expecting from him, and what you are ready to give for this marriage, for him, for your kids and how youc annot tolerate any injustice or misbehaviour anymore . State your point and be firm and leave it htere. Dont beg or try to say sorry or try to plead him or make him feel better. Let him figure out how he want to start fresh. Give him that time.

    Marriage/Separation, its your life, you have to live all by yourself one day or the other...so make your decisions based on what you want to do..not because someone is supprting you or not supporting you. Be confident and do what is supposed to be done and wait and watch where all thsi leads to. (However meanwhile cut off conversations with your MIL. this is the right time to cut off too..because you are laying down the rules to start with)
     
  2. pstar

    pstar Junior IL'ite

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    Riya,
    Right now-I have a few doubts....possible for u to answer?

    Initially (when u started this thread) ur hubby asked u to walk out ( but pls confirm if my belief is right- this was following some fight/discussion about the ils and their PAST antics with u)
    But u kept quiet, and hubby also, and that topic was not broached upon later.

    Now,ur mil calls u and tries to give u an earful, later she went further and took the step to call ur parents and ask them to get U out of her sons life...(but u didnt say how she heard about ur words - from ur hubbys mouth??-maybe he had confronted her that he is convinced she was the one doing wrong all along??!!- or is she just calling and bothering u bcos she is insecure that u are getting to be ALONE with her son and U may get him to ur side? )

    What Im looking at is the other side of the story- that u dont need to be scared/confused.....

    There will come a time in a mans life, when he will listen to what his parents say, keep quiet (out of respect), but go ahead and do what HE has decided He wants with HIS life....
    I feel ur hubby has reached that stage....

    Ur parents called up and spoke to your husband and what did your hubby do???

    FINALLY-OH FINALLY -he has said, NO, he WANTS TO STAY WITH U!!:bowdown
    He has actually put his foot down and decided that he wants control over his life, not be led to decisions influenced by his parents talk( which was what he had probably done earlier and resulted in that 1 yr seperation).

    Like I said in my earlier post- Men will take ACTIONS, please dont expect him to come to you and TELL U that HIS mother was wrong/rude/ out of her mind.....that he has chosen to ignore her comments and actually start to take his own decisions!!!-instead he has acted out his decision.

    HE is clealy sending u a signal that he is willing to forgive and forget (that his mother was wrong) and he LOVES U. (please dont get confused now...)

    Arent u seeing what all ur hubby is doing for U and THE FAMILY.
    He has physically transported u millions of miles away from ils so that u can feel safe and secure with him...but looks like the topic of ils is being dragged in very often- so everyday feels like the ils are there to STAY WITH U emotionally, if not physically.:bonk

    So, he lost his head one day and asked u to leave (im sure he regrets it, thats why he is keeping quiet now, :hide:, and also by standing by ur side now, inspite of mils comments/suggestion)

    So, he is doing his best to keep his part of the marriage and give this marriage a second shot.....now its UR turn to prove to him what a lovely wife and mother u can be...

    It looks like U have already started to work UR charm on him-see how he has started prefering U !!!
    GO GIRL & enjoy ur new found HAPPINESS to the full.....:cheers
    In case u need some more encouragement- pls go to the mirror and give urself a pat on ur back, and a big wide smile-UR mils baby has become UR baby Now!!!:biglaugh

    But u have to be at it and still keep him happy, becos let me warn u ur ils are not going to be discouraged by this one attempt.

    In due course, when he is fully confident of ur ability to keep him and the house happy, he WILL allow u to do ur masters and maybe, take up a job in future...... but till then, please try and make up for all the good times u lost.

    Make him regret- not that he asked for u to be with him again, BUT
    for that one year he wasted by staying away from U after listening to his parents!!!
    :thumbsup
    Best of luck!!
     
  3. prembanglore

    prembanglore New IL'ite

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    I go with malavika...:thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2010
  4. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, Malvika i do see your point.. I very well know that this not a complete solution to my problem.. But then this is an arrange marriage where some astrologer decided whether we would be compatible or not.. I'll give him some time to get along with me.. Meanwhile i think i should be prepared, in future if he prefers his parents over me.. Still it doesn't work out, then he can lead his life the way he wants.. I am still firm on not stretching too much for his parents.. Because he is an adult and should be able to differentiate between right and wrong.. Than just blindly believe his Gods..

    Ya, i'll try from my end but all my efforts should not get blown away in one phone call from his parents.. I always believe that a relation cannot be one sided.. He too has to show as much of commitment as me..

    ASG, i agree to what you say.. I'll give him one last chance to repair.. If still things dont work out, then i'll let him live freely with his mom..

    Srividya, will do as you said..

    @pstar, you have very positive outlook.. It is true that lady is not able to take the fact that i am living here with my husband.. She had expressed it earlier to me.. He only said to his mom, that i dont wish to take care of her..
    I'm glad that he said he wishes to save the marriage.. That is what he said to my dad.. But i am not sure if he really means that or he said so to avoid the complications of divorce and alimony..
    As said before i do wish to give this marriage another chance but am firm not stretching or giving up on too many things for his parents..

    Thanks again for all your replies and suggestions ..
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Riya, if your heart is telling to give him one more chance, then I think you have made a good choice to give him that chance. I think we should listen to our heart until our heart says "Stop!" Reason being, you don't ever want to walk out of a marriage until you can be satisfied that you tried your best and gave enough chances. Else 2-3 years down the line, you might wonder "What if I had given one more chance?" So, at least you are giving this your best effort. As long as there is no physical abuse going on, there is no harm in waiting it out a little while longer in a relationship.

    Good luck Riya, hope you keep posting here and that everything works out for you. :thumbsup
     
  6. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Golden words!

    I agree, I agree, I agree. I need an auto post creation with "Agree" most of the time ASG makes a post.

    Riya - I have personal experience with such situation. Listen to your heart like ASG says. If you feel there is something left there, fight for it. If you think it is over, you will know it.
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2010

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