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Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family plan

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rita12, Jun 19, 2013.

  1. rita12

    rita12 New IL'ite

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    hi ladies,

    I need help. I am in such situation that I don't know I should leave my husband or do as they want me too.
    Here, my story I am law school student taking online classes, working by taking tutoring session at home making enough money to pay my school fee. I am also doing house work and cooking etc.

    Husband on the other hand goes to work at 5 am and work till 3pm. He preparing for his dental exam first part. Last 16 months of our marriage he been preparing parttime and working full time.

    I am 30 years old he is 30 years old too. I want to have at least one baby before even I turn 31 or 32. But my husband wants me to work earn atleast $2500.00 before even think about talk about having family plan.

    My father in law also asked me over phone that I make $3000 and pay half house bill. Also, I have been married with him last 17 months. Whenever I talk about family plan he just gets mad at me and he says I want to make my career first before having a baby. I understand but here in USA medicare is an option to avoid financial burden of baby but my husband is not interesting about it.

    He wants to pass exam and take care his parents ..he does not care about or making plan about having baby or our future.

    since early marriage very 2nd month I asked him about family planning and future planning of his career. He fought and yell at me by saying I work full time what the **** you think how I can manage my study ,...and don't talk abt family plan just take care my parents who are living not worry about baby who is not exit.....that's the answer he gave when first time I asked him about it.

    Also, our marriage is a love marriage but there were a time my husband raise his hands on me, hurt me, pushed me and i creid a lot he never said sorry to me always asked sorry from me first and than only said after i said.
    at times i didn't even make any mistake just talk in normal he got many times made at me regading small stuff.

    i am so much not feeling okay right now. i told my parents my mom think i should leave him and move on with my life..my family thinks my inlaw only want me to earn money and forget about my studies. my husband first year of my wedding said no need to work but his dad always asked me over phone to find job..but when in turn i told my husband that ur dad always tell me find full time job so my husband yell at me and said talk to my dad and don't tell me about it. we both living alone and his parents is in india.

    now, 2 days back my husband clearly told me go earn $2500 before talking about having a baby.
    i need your advice what do you think i must do..please advice me i am trying to keep this post short that's why i am not including many things.

    At times my husband care about me when m on my monthly periods or anything, he wash dishes after dinner, show affection if ever i want to eat out he takes me....but there are times when i talk about future he just fought with me. He cares only about his family and relative and doesn't care about my family much.

    Now advice me...I should work for next 1 year fulltime and help my husband to pass his exam and in time my studies will scrafice or i should not trust him and must leave him...??i am making money enough to pay my tution fee only for now but now my inlaws and husband want me work for more hours. My study for them not important that's what i figured.....please advice??/
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2013
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  2. skyinsc

    skyinsc Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    i don't understand what you saw in your so called husband who is also abusive that you decided you want a child .:rant first try to fix your relationship ( if at all it can be fixed?!) and stand up for yourself.. Do you want to bring a child in to a family where he/she grows up seeing/thinking husband beating wife is ok:bonk
     
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  3. rita12

    rita12 New IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    I m stupid loving him truly only and he doesn't love me as much as I do ..I bear his physical force only because I thought his anger is bad that's it never thought he will be same and wont change..... that's wht my family think too.... I tried and talk to him many time not to use physical force when we talk should talk or say things by mouth but he said you are responsible for my angerness you avoid me making angry else I will hit u....


     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2013
  4. iswaryadevi

    iswaryadevi Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    You want to have a baby with a man of that attitude??? Please fix your marriage first like the other poster said. DO NOT tolerate any more abuse from him!
     
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  5. rita12

    rita12 New IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    How can I fix it???I talk to him and said I will call police if does same...but he did again and I just did not call police..... at times when he used force on me by grapping me hurt or slapping me I slapped him back but again he hurt me using his force as I am not as strong as him so he always is the ONE who hurt me more than I even gave him back!!!!!!!! I called his dad and he talk to him but still he used again his hand by grapping my arms tight other day...what if he does not change than you think I should leave him? ADVICE ME PLZ



     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2013
  6. Barbie2013

    Barbie2013 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    Ok lets take it this way.

    As he wanted u to earn dont think he is money minded. May be he wanted u to be financially independent.

    May be he was dreaming of giving a luxurious live to ur to be born baby.

    Try to improve ur earning and then see how it goes.

    Lets c if u get any encouragement from his side



     
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  7. rita12

    rita12 New IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    I am sure he will treat me well but when comes about argument abt small thing he tend to raise his hands on me...this is a huge problem...and he make sure to hurt me a lot and never ask sorry about it...I was working for 4 months parttime earning little more but I was unable to study much becuz its so hard work plus study plus housework............... so I decided taking tutition so I can study but now this is new thing come up!!




     
  8. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    Dear OP,

    It's not so simple to make a baby. Was it ever?!

    In my opinion, having a child should be a mutual, consensual decision between partners - the baby must be loved and wanted by both parents - you say that your husband's priority right now, is his career and making money- a baby is not a part of his plan; does that leave you with much of a choice?

    Either you wait as he suggested or you have the choice to leave and find a man who does want to start a family with you - if you feel that time is running out and that now is the perfect time for you to have a baby.

    Please don't try emotional manipulation to compel your husband to be a father.
    Or have an 'accidental' pregnancy.

    As the saying goes,"Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad."

    Your innocent child may end up being caught in the crossfire.
     
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  9. dimhere

    dimhere Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    I really, really think that you should not dream of having a baby now at all....An abusive husband, both of you still studying and severe financial insecurity ( from your DH's side ) CANNOT be just overlooked.

    Now you are earning atleast enough to cover your fees, will you be able to do the same even after becoming pregnant / or as a new mother?? Or will you ask your husband to pay your fees ??

    Forget the limit of 2500$ that he is asking you to earn. Just to make yourself financially sound and for YOUR own sake, and your life more secure, you need to complete your studies first, and start earning.
    Things may not change much with this kind of an abusive husband, and you definitely need a job more than baby if (God forbid) you need to separate....
     
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  10. rita12

    rita12 New IL'ite

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    Re: Husband place an Earning at least $2500 is a condition before can make family pla

    based on his current job and efforts towards his study I am not finding him improving future in career or financial life. Only one option is left I leave my studies a side work fulltime and keep marriage wth him and earn more money ...............now leaving my studies also take me no where in future I will be finishing my studies in next 2 years...now what to do!! he is abusive 101% I must say with that I should go on with him?


     

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