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husband or job?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anurajiv, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. anurajiv

    anurajiv New IL'ite

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    My husband has stress disorder and i got a job?what to do.?

    ..a question i saw in a counselling website....iam posting here just to know ur opinion......

    hello,iam an indian housewife.my husband is a highly ranked officer in law enforcement.due to his adventurous job and busy lifestyle he has stress disorder.we have been married for 10 yrs and he was affected by the disease just 2 yrs back.the disease occur at times of strenuous situations and when he has the disease he is completely dull,cant even eat properly and is depressed.but after few hours he will be okay and this disease occurs only twice or thrice in a month.during the time when he has the disease he completely needs me,because my presence and words always make him cure faster and also to take injections etcc..also .despite the disease he is a totally lovable husband,and loves and cares my baby.iam an MBA holder and i have been selected for a prestigious company and iam also promised a big salary.it is my dream job.but the problem is that we live in chennai and company is in a very far city,NEW Delhi.actually i dont need this job as my husband gets a high salary and also financially we are well settled.but it is a thrill to earn yourself.when i told my husband the thing he allowed me to go but i know that his life would be miserable if i go...my friends suggest me to go but iam very much concerned about my husbands health.nobody knows his disease except me.what shall i do?shall i join the company.will that be selfish.is it right?
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2010
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  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    If she has the freedom and support from her husband that she can work, why cant she look for a job in Chennai itself to get that thrill of earning for herself. When she knows that her husband is supportive, loving and caring but has this down time where he totally is clueless on how to handle this depressive stress disorder, its good if she is around him and takes care of him and the baby.

    To work, to earn or to have that thrilling feeling (I dont know what this word thrill is though :bonk ) is not a bad idea...but she can do all these living in the same city with her husband and kid, why move to a diff city and and face stressful times ahead!! (setting up a home/ living in a diff city with a kid is not an easy task its really stressful for both the husband and wife)

    By the way did she / her husband meet any therapists about his stress disorder??? if not, its hightime they do it for the sake of her husbands health
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2010
  3. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    I agree with Sri vidya 200%.

    I somehow able to relate my personal experience with this story.

    We are also financially well settled, and my DH earns adequate salary from a respectable profession. But due to this so called "thrilling" fantacy, I wanted to come to Darfur - Sudan (one of the most dangerous city in the world) all the way from India. I really enjoy my job, and this thrilling experience. But it would have been better if you are still a spinster.

    The enjoyment or thrilling experience is not worth leaving your loved one behind. You will realise this immediately, and feel bad about your stupid decision. But at that time, your hands are tied with responsibilities, and your can not move on. This is what happened to me.

    This makes you stress, and unwanted gut feelings/doubts, personality dissorders, and so many other psychological issues, which will ultimately damage your family life.

    I am in the process of leaving this profession in order to be with my hubby. It has taken almost one year to come up with this decision after facing so many family issues in my newly wedded life.

    no career, no experience is worth by sacrifising/compromising your marriage
     
  4. scorpiogal

    scorpiogal Senior IL'ite

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    IF I were you I will look for a job in Chennai and take care of DH .

    Your DH needs you more than your job in new Delhi .

    Chennai is also a good city were you can find a good job with decent salary .
     
  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    If I were you i would also try to search for a job close to where husband is. If you really want that job badly, then perhaps your husband can find a job too in Delhi?
    Staying away from each other is something to be done only if absolutely necessary...according to me.
     
  6. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    +1 to what scorpiogal said.

    I would look for a job in Chennai, even if the salary is much less than a faraway job with more perks, just to stay close to mu husband.

    -Lakshmi
     
  7. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    It's like asking a blind person to choose between an eye and a hawaii trip. I guess we all know (s)he would choose the eye.

    If your husband was hale and healthy and as you put it, does not need you to recover, then yeah you can think about it. But you pretty much know that he needs you and as a committed partner that is more important I would think than your financial independence. Not just him, what about the kid, will it be with you or the father? Either way aren't you depriving the kid of its other parent's presence in its growing stage?

    Yeah, I say it's selfish to think about moving to such a far off place. You need to think straight and put your priorities in order. you can always get a job, but will you be able to forgive yourself God forbid something happens and you are not right there?
     

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