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Husband not spending time

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pri123456, Jan 30, 2010.

  1. pri123456

    pri123456 New IL'ite

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    hi all

    I am new it IL.

    I am dependent visa holder..i am at home always..my problem is my husband not spending time with me.he comes from office by 6 clock ..As soon as he comes he starts playing games..He will not respond properly for question i ask.if i interrupt him while playing games he will get angry..I don't know what to do..
    he says its winter so not feeling like going out,he says he has to concentrate on some work else he will bored and thats why he playing games...i accept it but there is limit ..

    if i cry he will say he will change but the next day he does the same.

    also he says i have to correct him when i complain that he is not spending time ...but if i interrupt his games he gets angry..i have tried lot of times to correct him..but fed up..


    I explained him that from morning i am at home..i just want to spend atleast half an hour with you..he says "i cant come at the back of u while cooking"..
    I left everything as i always wanted to take thing positively spend my daytime chatting with friend,reading books,visiting friend house..

    but again when i see him playing the whole evening till night i feel depressed..I dont know something is creating anger inside me so i am not interested in love making..Again he gets angry for not love making ..

    just wondering what i could do..

    is it wrong for wife to expect a husband to spend quality time with her daily?

    Please suggest me how to respond..
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    Last edited: Jan 30, 2010
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    pri123456
    This is a story in every married womens life
    we both are working and hardly get time on weekdays to talk to sit together
    he was fine in inital days of marriage later he started this stupid computer games daily once he coems back
    i found it annoying i come from office as soon as possible to spend some quality time and this man hmmm
    i started doing my work when he does it..i keep calling my friends and watch tv and do some other work talk to mom etc even i used to ignore him and then after few days of this treatment he understood what went wrong and corrected
    i dont say this is solution i am saying this worked for me
     
  3. moncy

    moncy New IL'ite

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    Hey Pri,

    I dont know if this would work but you can try it.

    Make a pact with him that after he comes back from office give him 2 hours to unwind. Let him do whatever he pleases (games+TV ..whatever) .

    And you will not disturb him at that time at all. You will not crib or cry or nag. It will just be your "me" time where you do something constructive or whatever you wish.

    Then after that 2 hours, whether he finishes the game or not he has to spend time with you.

    The days he follows this pact , be extra "loving" in bed , so he wil see it as an incentive :)

    This is just an idea . Hope it was helpful.

    -Moncy
     
  4. lathaviswa

    lathaviswa IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Pri,

    We are sailing in the same boat.As soon as he comes from office he will have his laptop i will keep on talking he will never respond or else his friends will start calling him & it will continue for min 1hr.

    Even this happens during weekend.
     
  5. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    There is this american book I read I don't remember the name sorry but the basic advice given in it was the more you are available to your partner, the more they take you for granted. So to earn their attention / respect, you need to make yourself scarce. So in your case, you can keep yourself busy elsewhere when he comes home, be it cooking, going out for a walk/gym, studying etc. Just don't be in his line of vision when he comes home. Do this for some time and I am sure he will ask you where you are. Then you can say that well, you need some time to relax when you come home, and so do I. Smile mysteriously and change the topic. Pretend you don't need his attention. It's hard to do I know but trust me, it's a tried, true, tested way of getting his attention. Put a little bit of mystery into yourself, don't be an open book and his mind will be occupied thinking where you are and what can he do to get you back rather than playing games on the pc.

    the other thing you can try is to have a very nice atmosphere at home. soft lighting, soft music, clean house. not overtly romantic, just a welcoming atmosphere. so the guy thinks '' ahhh I have come to a safe haven after the rigors of a workday". then give him an hour or 2 to decompress, dissapear from his line of vision for this time (I used to go to the gym with my ipod). so when he is relaxed he will start looking around for you and want to be with you because you are not around!
     
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Hey I also share/d my DH with gaming & porny sites.
    I also tried to be myself & remaining out of his vision to build my importance after requesting several times to spend sometime with me.

    Final Outcome - there's no change in him, maybe kids will unplug a few wires while he's on his tour to gaming nd **** hunting & in all these yrs of marriage I've got used to completely remaining out of his vision but yes still longing for the day when he feels romantic.. I guess its not a trait for many men esp mine.

    However more u try to stop more they get indulged into it.. so either leave the DH or nagging part.
     
  7. Rupadm

    Rupadm Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey,

    I am also in the same boat but a little different story. My hubby is a sugar patient for thelast 3 months. And he says he feels tired for love making. I don't know what to do. If not everyday, once in a while atleast is ok withme. But he is not ready for that also.

    Earlier, he was always behind me, but now suddenly he feels he cannot do any love making.

    Don't know what to do?

    rgds,
    roopa
     
  8. sowmyar

    sowmyar New IL'ite

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    pri123456

    I agree with pmahensa.

    Men sometimes need to be reminded that we are not always at their beck and call, and that we might have 'other' priorities in life apart from them. Develop a hobby to occupy your mind, read a book, work out at the gym, or just visit the parlour, library or a friend. Make friends around your area (you don't appear to have kids, but if you do attend playdates with them). You could also join sites like Meetup and make friends of people who live in your city and have similar interests. This way you get to go out and can develop a friends circle too.

    I am not saying you should disappear everyday but have a life of your own. Like others suggested you could either go out or even indulge in personal stuff at home that have little to do with DH. Develop a beauty routine that will make you feel more attractive and also feel indulgent.

    Last, involve DH in interesting activities. Try a board game, rent a movie, or book surprise movie tickets in the weekend (assuming your DH has predictable workdays). And for God's sake gal refrain from crying! Men rarely like needy girls, so get gutsy and cheer your life! :thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2010

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