Husband needing marriage advice

unicorn11 · Jul 25, 2014

Irohan said: ↑

Okay, following suggestions on this board, I put aside my embarrassment and met a counsellor (alone). Sharing it here for others in similar situation and also for any views on same. In a nutshell, she adviced:

1. Give it time, be patient.

2. Focus on winning the war, not day to day battles (My words of course, not hers). She meant be clear what your main expectations are from wife/marriage and work towards achieving those (like respect my parents, behaving nicely etc.). Keep on communicating this to wife as non negotiable very firmly and consistently over period of time. Appreciate good gestures in this regard and show disapproval otherwise. At same time, any tiffs on other issues apart from these, let her have her way within reason. So she knows that you are adjusting/compromising for her happiness and likewise she is expected the same, particularly in areas of my priority.

3. Make my wife more responsible financially. So far, I have been footing mostly all the bills. I do earn more than her but she earns decent sum too. I never really thought much about who is spending. She thinks it is natural for me to spend as I am the "man". Its her upbringing -her dad has always encouraged her to spend her money as she likes and leave worrying about household to him. So I need to start doing monthly budget exercises with wife and get her to contribute too.

Okay, that is what the counselor said. I found myself short of patience and ended up threatening a breakup, at least temporary. My wife's first reaction was anger and saying let us do that. Next day she is all emotional and saying she is misunderstood. The day after she says she is a burden on me and unnecessarily troubling me and maybe she should not return home from office for sake of my happiness. I dont know what is going on or what is to happen next. Melo drama much! Need a break man.
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Women love drama.But she got angry coz her ego got hurt..later sad and apologetic because she doesnt wanna break up(good sign) and then she tried to emotionally blackmail u to get u to ask her back (so she knows u wanna work on it )
why is it so difficult to understand
Best of luck ..stick to ur ground..she will cave in eventually.

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Husband needing marriage advice

unicorn11 Senior IL'ite

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