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Husband needing marriage advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Irohan, Jul 17, 2014.

  1. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Tell your FIL he needs a priest and a temple for his goddess daughter not a husband.
     
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  2. god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

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    If she was the goddess at her home then why dis they marry her to a human like you,they would have got her married to god who satisfies her wish apt... bie1
    Every woman is a prince in her home and a queen at her husband's place so just fir that we don't act weird.. Just sit with her, too much of anger is bad for health.. she is grown up not a kid to keep asking this that and telling u to buy as my dad brought.. take her out, ask what her problem is, show the respect.. its like a teacher and student job, correct her. then as husband share your feelings for her..
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2014
  3. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    Every woman is RaniLakshmiBai.
    She is a Rani at her parents place
    Once she gets married, she is said to be a Lakshmi in her husband's place
    Then she works for all like a Bai

    I do not mean to make light of your situation..after all, laughter is the best medicine. but the ILits have given good advice. Ask your parents and a few close relatives to stay at your hose for sometime.Be gentle but firm with her. I am sure you will lead a happy maried life.
     
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  4. Irohan

    Irohan New IL'ite

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    Love this piece of advice from Sandhya! Definitely applies to me, not just in this case, but in general.

     
  5. Irohan

    Irohan New IL'ite

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    Okay, following suggestions on this board, I put aside my embarrassment and met a counsellor (alone). Sharing it here for others in similar situation and also for any views on same. In a nutshell, she adviced:

    1. Give it time, be patient.

    2. Focus on winning the war, not day to day battles (My words of course, not hers:)). She meant be clear what your main expectations are from wife/marriage and work towards achieving those (like respect my parents, behaving nicely etc.). Keep on communicating this to wife as non negotiable very firmly and consistently over period of time. Appreciate good gestures in this regard and show disapproval otherwise. At same time, any tiffs on other issues apart from these, let her have her way within reason. So she knows that you are adjusting/compromising for her happiness and likewise she is expected the same, particularly in areas of my priority.

    3. Make my wife more responsible financially. So far, I have been footing mostly all the bills. I do earn more than her but she earns decent sum too. I never really thought much about who is spending. She thinks it is natural for me to spend as I am the "man". Its her upbringing -her dad has always encouraged her to spend her money as she likes and leave worrying about household to him. So I need to start doing monthly budget exercises with wife and get her to contribute too.

    Okay, that is what the counselor said. I found myself short of patience and ended up threatening a breakup, at least temporary. My wife's first reaction was anger and saying let us do that. Next day she is all emotional and saying she is misunderstood. The day after she says she is a burden on me and unnecessarily troubling me and maybe she should not return home from office for sake of my happiness. I dont know what is going on or what is to happen next. Melo drama much! Need a break man.
     
  6. Irohan

    Irohan New IL'ite

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    Lol mate...finding it difficult to handle one woman, let alone attracting and trapping other married girls.

    [​IMG] Originally Posted by blrkartick [​IMG]
    Guys be careful abt Irohan ..already with fake stories to trap married girls before toooooo

    @ admin : plz have a look of these fake names to attract ladies indirect...
     
  7. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Such a thing can happen also. It is a small world !! :)
     
  8. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Great Quotation ! :rotfl
     
  9. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Good breakthrough with your wife, Rohan. (Sorry to say but this counsellor doesn't seem to be fit for purpose. A good counsellor should draw you out and make you think on new lines yourself about what you can do, empower you to figure out a way rather than be dishing out advice like a well-meaning uncle! Or am I getting it wrong?)

    Tell your wife (without trying to be too protective) politely that you would like to work on the marriage.

    She has to think about her own behaviour, especially her rage, and disrespect towards your parents. She has to take responsibility for her tantrums and learn how to manage her anger - do a course on anger management, perhaps.

    Ask her to give it a week to think about the changes that she thinks you night should make in order to have a harmonious home. Ask her to write down what she thinks the next steps should be. You do the same.

    Set an evening in a week's time to discuss this. Set some ground rules.
    - That each of you will talk for 5 min without interruption;
    - no mudslinging allowed;
    - be mindful of the other at all times;
    - only state your feelings, not blame the other person for it;
    - not be critical of the other;
    - realise they both of you are entitled to your own feelings, no telling the other what to feel but gently help each other out of negative feelings
    - if either of you gets angry, take a short 5 min break to go to another room and sort your feelings out

    leave the responsibility with her. All the best. I hope your wife realises the effort you are putting into this.
     
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  10. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow...comparing to Goddess ?...that's heights of spoiling.

    Tell your wife that she might be Goddess to her dad not him. You both a just normal humans, get her to her senses. You must take control and get things right, this might either end up in a happy understanding wife or pulling out altogether. Tricky...but you have to try unless you are ok to continue with the brat for rest of your life.

    Ps: Why do you want to talk to her parents???. Talk to her man. Make it clear that it wont work.
     

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