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Husband keeps in touch with his ex

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Cool10, Mar 21, 2015.

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  1. Mar 21, 2015 #1
    Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Posting first post by this ID. Don't know what to do. Feeling very upset today. Me and hubby work in same company hence I often check his official email to do various small tasks for him.

    Today he is travelling to hometown and when I checked his email, I saw a lovey dovey email from his ex who also works in same company, wishing him Ugadi. She has forwarded an old email sent by him to her many years back and wrote her wishes on top of that using an old endearment.

    In the past I have let go all such instances of wishing all festivals, birthday (exactly at night 12) thinking she is just an office colleague. But today's email of quoting love messages from past crossed all my patience limit.

    I am just hating this and don't know how to handle it. I am feeling like just leaving and going somewhere away from this.
     
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    #1
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  2. Mar 21, 2015 #2
    butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Welcome to IL.

    Tell your husband this is not acceptable. Say in a firm, calm manner. You are right about your feelings. Just make sure you communicate it to your husband in a calm way.
     
    butterflyice, Mar 21, 2015
    butterflyice, Mar 21, 2015
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  3. Mar 21, 2015 #3
    Sivasakthigopi

    Sivasakthigopi Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Send reply to her instead of your husband says Thanks. But that mail must contain your family photo or that mails shows her that, she is not important to him and she is only third person. His heart occupies only you! Like that.

    If you have any understand with your husband that if you send reply for his inbox mails as your own name you mention your name there.

    If your husband permits you to send reply to inbox mails instead of him with his name, you just start with dear sister and ends with your brother family, Mrs. and Mrs.xxxx

    Thats it. If your husband asks you anything, First show that she may be try to separate us, but i trust you. She is jealous of me to have a husband like you! etc.,

    Fight is not a good thing, If you able to meet her in public or before her friends tell her, Hi, why you mail gents with romantic, especially married persons? If you wants to romance with any guy tell your home to arrange your marriage. And my husband always complain you about the same.

    So keep your limit. and i think you came from only good family, as well as i think your mom is good one. So if you mail us again i will react very worse.

    Like this. If you able to meet their parents just tell this matter to her mom, if she is very soft touch her heart with cry, if she is rude calmly explain her, my husband never leaves me. and your daughter character is spread to anyone then her future is spoil, already her office staffs complain her about the same etc.,

    All the best!
     
    Sivasakthigopi, Mar 21, 2015
    Sivasakthigopi, Mar 21, 2015
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    2 people like this.
  4. Mar 21, 2015 #4
    Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    @Cool10:
    Sorry to hear about your situation. Tell your husband that you saw the email from his ex when you were checking his emails for him. And tell him that such emails are not OK.
    (There is a chance of him saying that he is not involved and that the ex is doing it on her own. In case he gets annoyed at your question and asks you to stop checking his emails further or just gives an excuse as its just an email, you should be more alert. Will he be OK with someone sending emails to you this way? He wouldn't, right??)
    If you can talk to her in person, talk to her directly and remind her that he is your husband and not her ex any more. If you don't want to do this, the other option is to ask your husband to tell her not to send emails to him.
     
    Sparkle, Mar 21, 2015
    Sparkle, Mar 21, 2015
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  5. Mar 21, 2015 #5
    sugugiri2010

    sugugiri2010 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Op, talk to ur husband about this... tell that may be u r just friends but her mail hurts u... say in a calm manner , dont hurt him, dont get angry on him. tell him, wishing on a occasion is absolutely fine with me, but putting together the old mail is hurting me...
     
    sugugiri2010, Mar 21, 2015
    sugugiri2010, Mar 21, 2015
    #5
  6. Mar 21, 2015 #6
    Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you. I just called him and told him that this kind of communication is unacceptable and has hurt me a lot.
     
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
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  7. Mar 21, 2015 #7
    Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    That's a good idea. Just now I replied her back from his email saying thanks from both of our sides. Hope she would get hint that everybody is getting aware of her cheap behavior and stop such pursuing communication.

    She is already married (around 1 year back) but now living separately. She now took transfer back to this city - even though none of her parents or relatives stay here. Many other offices would have been nearer to her hometown.

    I have her parents number as I knew her well before marriage, but don't know whether to talk to them at this stage or whether to try on my end.

    Very much confused and thinking of 100 ways on how to handle this.
     
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    #7
  8. Mar 21, 2015 #8
    heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    This is not right.... why is she reviving old mails and then mailing back to him. Hope your husbands take is not positive on this.

    Once 100% sure thst your husband encourages it too, confront him on his face with the mail... Then hear what he says.
     
    heron, Mar 21, 2015
    heron, Mar 21, 2015
    #8
  9. Mar 21, 2015 #9
    Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    I asked him just now and he says she is sending such type of communication but he is not replying. He says due to office mail he cannot block her there. He says to ignore her emails.

    I can talk to her directly but I am boiling in anger and am afraid that I will loose my control and just start shouting/humiliate her so much in public - creating a scene in office (which I want to avoid).
     
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    #9
  10. Mar 21, 2015 #10
    Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you. I lost my temper with him also now on call :(

    I told him I was fine when in past she wished him normally but now using love words and forwarding old emails from years back is whats bugging me.

    Don't know what is the intention of this girl. She is also married now and should concentrate on making her own married life happy, instead of pursuing my husband.
     
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    Cool10, Mar 21, 2015
    #10
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