I feel that you are in an emotionally abusive marriage. We dont know his version. How are you treating him. Only you knows about the rest. But your posts clearly shows your anger / resentment or lack of respect towards him. But its like a double edged sword. It kills/ affects you more. Your negativity if any affects you more than him. Positive aspects only can conquer negative aspects. You can decide whether to respond or not, if yes, then how. Be practical than emotional. Try to talk, stand up for yourself, set bounaries, dont allow him to control you, do what you think is right, save your salary etc., are some steps. Don't yield to him when he mistreats you. You should learn how to convey your difference in a non confrontational way. It needs practice. When women long for emotional love and care, men prefers respect, physical love & admiration. But if your husband has any narcistic traits, its better to empower you and be neutral. He treats this way because you allowed him. He never faced any consequences. So he think he can easily do anything to hurt you. Dont give him the response he is looking for. Some men dont like to be questioned, dont like arguments or a nagging wife. They have patrarchial mindset and likes a submissive wife. You dont have to change who you are to please him, but need to remove any negativity from your side if you want a positive outcome. If you feel he ignores you for no obvious reason and dont communicate with you, learn to ignore him ( same medicine ) and be happy in your own world. He is behaving like a grown up child. A normal healthy person should know how to communicate the reason. If you are not happy, you always have the option to seperate. If not, try to emotionally detach, do bare minimum to him, focus on your career, kids and learn to enjoy your life. In all your posts, you are ruminating so much on why, what, how on his behavior. But this wont help you. Its just a waste of energy and time to worry about past. Its done. You cant reverse it. You have to make peace with it. So focus on present and make a list of what you can take or not and be firm. Think about how to improve your life. As you are employed ask about EAP, if possible talk to a counsellor or therapist. Vent all these bottled up emotions. It may help to flush out all negativity in your system. Accept that you cant control him or change him. It should come from his side. Dont chase him or pleade for love. It should be natural. Also, stop asking permission for every thing that matters to you. But for common topics on home or kids, discuss and decide. Also learn ignore certain things thats not going to affect your life and dont take every thing to your heart. Love and respect should be mutual, but you cant force anyone to love or respect you. But you can define the boundary on what you can take or not. You can also introspect any mistakes from your side. Your husband is clearly showing his frustrations or he is an abuser or have some personality disorder. We can't say what it is. Only you knows better. So try to live in the present and make your life better in whatever directions you like. Only you know what you want and work for it. Your life is your responsibility and take control of it. Try to be positive and create a positive atmosphere in home and enjoy your life with kids. Build your own life. Be your best version .That may help you to remain peaceful and happy.