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Husband Issues

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Sep 19, 2021.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    Hello

    I have posted about this before but here I go again. Need someone to vent to. Why does my husband act like I am invisible but my daughter is the wife or mom. ?? I can’t explain clearly and will add more examples when possible but here is an example from today.

    ok. My daughter has a dance today. She is 9 now. The dance is tonight. ( I have signed up for the dance and he knows about it as I have forwarded WhatsApp messages and emails to him. )My husband just ignores me pretends I am invisible and asks my daughter where the dance program is. All communication is being sent to parents only. How will she know. She said she doesn’t know. And after that he asks my neighbor where the dance is and what time my daughters performance is. Am I invisible or what ??

    same thing about laptop. He takes my work laptop which he needs for my daughters class today and asks my daughter where the charger is. I mean how will my daughter know where the charger is ??


    He just asks my daughter things which he should clearly be asking me.

    BUT I noticed his mom also does the same thing. That is my MIL illtreats my FIL in public and treats the sons more important than the father (FIL). Is he following his mother’s footsteps or is it something he does to me to make me cry.

    like I said he always acts like he’s busy with something even when I want to talk to him for a second.
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    He clearly ignores you, there can be many reasons
    - communication issue
    -he’s tired of the way that you treat him or talk to him
    - he dont consider you as his life partner only as a housemate
    - some other ongoing issues or anger
    - there is no love or affection or a normal marriage
    - he feels unloved by you
    - infidelity
    - he is unhappy and uncomfortable with you
    - stress or other family issues
    - he is trying to control you
    - any thing else you are aware?
    We can guess anything
    But guessing wont give you the correct answer. The truth can be different.
    Only he can answer what is going on. So, ask him directly in a non-conftrontational way, like you talk to any other friend or collegue, plus add more softness to your tone.

    Whats the point in doing guess work?. You may have some clue. But dont link any other problem to this. No need to over analyse it or link to PILs history. Its between you and him. Did you ask him?

    I guess you are very insecure in this marriage and have lot of self doubts . You may need to improve your self esteem or confidence. If this is the way its for a long time , I am sure you know the root cause. If you are confident that you have not done anything wrong, ignore his tantrumns, dont chase him, focus on your lfe and be happy. Let him wonder why you are so happy without him.

    One more thing, when he asks anything to your daughter don't answer to your daughter or him- be it on her dance class or charger. Your DD is older enough to understand these questions or answer him, if she knows it. Answer only when he asks you. He is indirectly trying to communicate with you because he dont want to talk to you. Just pretend you didn't hear anything when he asks your daughter. Dont give him the satisfaction that his tactic is working. Ignore it completly.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2021
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  3. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Bronze IL'ite

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    @DDream is right...my ex husband used to talk like this..just ignore him completely...it was a power move by loser ex husband to show anger..thanks heavens i got my senses and divorced him..now my ex can practice this power move on the walls of the house now !
     
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  4. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    If I can get an answer from him I wouldn’t be asking here.
     
  5. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    Another incident. My son was just born. He was barely 7 weeks old when we were doing my daughters birthday in chuckee cheese. I needed to change my sons diaper so I asked my husband if he knows when they will cut my daughters cake and if so to call me as I will be in the bathroom changing and feeding him as well.

    To my utter shock when I came out they had already cut the cake with my mother in law and father in law. I wanted to cry !
     
  6. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    What was the reason for him doing this ?? Why was he angry at you and what was the reason for divorce?
     
  7. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry to say, this is an absurd thing to say about your husband and daughter. When parents fight, it is not very uncommon to talk through children. But saying things like the above, honestly I cannot digest it..hmmm unless you really doubt your husbands’s character.. Actually I do remember one of your threads on those lines….
    Wives accuse husbands of many things, but accusations like treating daughter as wife, that is utterly disgusting, if it is not true..

    OP, You only know your situation.. Ask yourself, what kind of person is your husband ? If your suspicions are right, your priority should be the safety and well-being of your kids.. I wish you and your kids the best! Hope you get solutions for your problems !
     
  8. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Bronze IL'ite

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    i applied for divorce as i realized life should not be wasted with a wrong man...I am very very happy ever since I divorced him...

    day to day arguments, emotional abuse etc were the reasons I applied for divorce..
     
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  9. Marzipan

    Marzipan Silver IL'ite

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    That is absolutely disgusting. He clearly did that to hurt you (and succeeded) and also because he knows that he can treat you like crap and get away with it and doesn't have to face any consequences for his actions and behaviour. You both need to go and see a marriage counsellor. If you want to continue with this marriage, you simply have to become bolder and address these issues with him when they happen. In his mind, it is etched that you will do nothing but cry when he hurts you. I perfectly understand your feelings but if I were you, I would have addressed him in front of everyone and also asked my in-laws why they didn't consider calling me when cutting my daughter's birthday cake.

    Does he only behave this way with you or does he have any issues with respecting women in general? How does his father treat his mother?
     
  10. Tubinbataye

    Tubinbataye Gold IL'ite

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    Looks like there is some other bottled up issues in his mind. Try to talk(thats the only best approach),if that doesnt work give his own medicine. Make sure your daughter is not confused with all this chaos! one life and one million issues :)
     

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