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Husband Is Losing Interest In Me And Taking Me For Granted

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Aug 27, 2017.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Its close to a year since delivery, and I can see that my husband is losing interest in me..its been many years since marriage..maybe due to childcare and house chores and due to his office work we are too busy..but even on weekends he doesn't give me any special attention at all...

    I haven't lost all the pregnancy weight but making efforts and I try to do some self grooming stuff at home itself..i dress neatly and keep myself presentable no matter how busy I maybe..

    He is very much attached to his parents, and his relatives..he goes out of the way to make them happy.. He will invite guests home to socialise, he will even go to relatives house and social occasions without fail..he will take his parents for medical checkups..but if I need him to do anything for me or take me out on a weekend, he always has excuses..even if parents or laws are ready to babysit for few hours he himself isn't inclined to take me out..or he will take me just for half n hour and then bring me back quickly..He makes me feel like I'm forcibly dragging him away and giving him some punishment..

    He wants me to attend all occasions of his relatives.. If I'm unable to make it for a single occasion due to being busy with my baby, or if I'm not feeling well, he will sulk around, he will be moody and refuse to talk to me for several days..
    But his parents and relatives and friends will always be welcome..running errands for them, entertaining them, attending their social occasions, talking to them on phone, wishing them for festivals etc..
    I cannot blame either in laws or relatives . ..they dint tell him to neglect wife..
    I feel I'm being taken for granted..
    If I ask him why he isn't interested, he denies it..
    We hardly have any intimacy and he isn't interested and now even I've lost interest..
    My friends who are my age, married and with a kid or kids put so many pics of themselves enjoying with their husband..they have put on excess weight and looking older after delivery but their husbands still love them and adore them..I feel so upset..I feel like we are leading separate lives.
    I'm feeling really jealous of his parents and relatives who get so much attention from him..In fact I've started having extreme loathing and hatred for his relatives because of the attention they get from him..
    Even on my birthday and wedding anniversary he made some excuse to not spend time with me or take me out..

    I'm not a newly married woman and I don't expect romance like newly married couples..
    But am I not entitled to a little bit of love and care?
    I'm quite sure he isn't cheating on me..
    How can I make sure my husband doesn't take me for granted?
    How can I make sure my husband gives priority to me and not to some third persons?
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2017
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    I assume you live with the inlaws ( so hats off to you for that ). The first step is to take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are the best irrespective of age, weight etc and that you don't need husband or anyone else to validate that. Be confident , dress well , learn to be happy with yourself. Find hobbies and interests that don't involve the husband. Join some classes, make friends outside , take up yoga. And during your journey of self discovery, please ignore the husband or the fact that he ignores you. For your birthday or special days , go treat yourself with whatever makes you happy. Ask the husband if he wants to come, if he sulks say TATA BIRLA BYE BYE and walk out with a smile. You will feel really empowered when your happiness is not in someone else's hands. Don't spend the rest of your life feeling unhappy and neglected. Take charge and give importance to yourself first. Hopefully with time things will get better, even if they don't you will not be as unhappy .
    And don't be carried away by pics on social media.Happy couples don't need to show the world that they are happy and profess their love for each other in lengthy Facebook posts. They can do so in the privacy of their homes .
    Just like your profile name, you need to be strong and everything else will be alright ! Wish you the best !
     
    Needtobestrong, salad, teejay and 7 others like this.
  3. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    @Sandycandy great response there buddy:clap2: also love the part about FB, I find it amusing when spouses wish each other on FB, I am like "dude, she is sitting right next to you! Why are you wasting your time on FB instead of looking into her eyes?";)
     
  4. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    Facebook is more of showoff!!!! I feel it crazy when husbands/wives share posts on each others wall........... do you remember this??? .. This is so us.................!!!! total crap!
     
  5. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    you mean "so US", right?

    ya, total showoff .. My fav recently was someone who posted on FB that his wife is the best mom in the world after 1 month of baby being born, with both set of parents helping them and also a daytime nanny & cook!:tonguewink: Also, the kissing pics of spouses are my favorite! could the ppl care any less ??
     
  6. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    I have a list of funny things that i get to see on fb.........Many of the couples from our neighborhood who are Indianans have been following this craziness of posting on fb wall....when wife is travelling to india on vacation..." Bye chinnu , happy journey , miss you chinnu". The immediate next hour of dropping family to airport we have seen them partying hard:p
     
  7. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    And the total madness lies in clicking pics and posting on fb.... I have seen people who instead of enjoying some place, waste time clicking n posing just to post on fb.
     
  8. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Haha ! that is very funny.. I hope chinnu is not on ILs:lol:
     
  9. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP, hope we could bring atleast a smile on your face, if not the solution to your problem.. Pls excuse our digression...
     
    Needtobestrong and Sandycandy like this.
  10. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I agree with Sandycandy...Dont give the key to your happiness to anyone.. create a life for yourself and enjoy it... if husband is ignoring ignore him and be happy in your world.. once he find that you don't need him for happiness he may become curious and try to comeback.
    All discussions for attention-, you have already did it- won't help. He may find you "clingy" all the time..but don't him to escape from his duties or day today jobs in home:). My thoughts are on the emotional part.

    So be happy and cheerful without him, at least act like that. Try to build your own friend circle.. you are beautiful the way nature created. Be confident about yourself. Confidence will enhance your beauty.

    Regarding facebook-dress well, hug or kiss dh , take a selfie or photo with full smile,post it on Facebook... with a caption "with ..love of my life or hero of my dreams.." .. if that make you happy... Facebook is mostly fakebook
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2017

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