Husband investing in too much on property on parents' name

indiangal · Apr 22, 2015

I have been married since 10 years. It was a love marriage, but due to in-laws issue, a lot of distance came between us. To stay peacefully with my DH for the sake of my son, for years i avoided any stressful discussions with my husband. Finances was one such issue.

My husband bought 2 properties in our name.. mine and his.. and one on the name of his parents. All in mumbai.. so the house of his parents was quite expensive as well and paying EMIs of the 3 houses, we came under extreme financial stress and i refrained from spending much. I never utteted a word. It was ok to pay hefty EMI on his parents' house. my in laws are quite well off and have lots of property in the north india.

despite the extreme financial stress, he spent a lot on his sister n family to take them to a trip to Kerala. I didnt say anything. Then his mausi-mausaji came and my hubby spent a good amount on their trip to Goa in addition to spending on his parents. And then my mil made us spend a lot on gifts for them too. I was ok with that too considering it a one time expenditure. This was the time, he was struggling to arrange the hospital fees for our second son's delivery. I didnt utter a word.

All in all, my inlaws have a tendency to make him spend a lot on his sister n her family and on relatives. Spending on sister is ok with me but on relatives beyond certain point was not acceptable but i never said a word.

In 10 years, i didnt buy any jewellery. My husband never stops me from spending, but i tend to save for our future and our kids. But no matter how much we saved, it evaporated on his relatives.

By the grace of god, we moved to dubai with a higher paying job. Now my husband is planning to buy another expensive house for his parents in Gurgaon and he says despite that our situation will not be tight. We getting tight or not, i feel he has already spent enough on his parents who anyways have good money themselves. He anyways continues to pay 1.5 lacs EMI per month for their Mumbai house. Now it is high time, he needs to save money for our future n our kids. His spending on his parents and sister n her family is ok, but he should be reasonable when spending on his relatives. He continues to portray to his parents that he has a lot of money and i feel very insecure as my mil tends to extract more and more on her daughter and relatives. we have never had money in hand and now that we started having some savings, i feel my husband should be practical n keep money in his hands and not invest in a property on his parents' name who anyways are well off and have many properties on their name. His hard earned money will be needed for our kids' education and for us post-retirement. We cannot bank on our sons that they would support us when we grow old.

due to our erstwhile differences, he never shared his finances with me and i too stayed away in order to maintain peace with him. I dont know how do i explain to him the importance of keeping money in his hands and saving better for our future. I am too hesitant in discussing all this with him.

He doesnt stop me from spending, but i rather convey him that saving is more important to me than spending.

Am i being unreasonable in asking him to not buy more property for his parents? We have 2 houses on our name, does that mean i should not mind him giving the remaining part of his earnings to his parents and relatives? Am i wrong if i feel he should reasonanly spend on his parents, sister and relatives now and try to save as much as possible his hard earned income for our kids' future and our life post retirement?

armummy · Apr 22, 2015

Do you know why he feels it necessary to buy properties in inlaws name..? Is he doing it as investments .? What do you do with the property. Is it on rent ? Is he trying to save on tax. Usually people don't dare to buy more properties when you already have hefty loans..

next time when he talk a about property purchase for you or inlaws , suggest clearing the existing loans first and also because you are worried about mounting debt on your husband.

start telling him , He needs to diversify by investing in something else for children like education plans or any other plan. Try and find out about educational costs now and also some future education costs and talk to him about these when ever possible. Try and initiate your retirement plans and how much you may need to save for,future. If you need ideas read 'outlook money' which usually does a profile on a family and projects the future needs. The figures will give anyone a rude awakaning about future.

start buying jewelry or gold as an investment . No point in depriving yourself and lamenting later .your husband does not stop , so think this as one investment and buy gold.

spending on sister , relatives , I don't think you can control that. For many , it is akin to showing appreciation and affection and taking good care of relatives.

butterflyice · Apr 22, 2015

Welcome to IL @indiangal.

All your questions are valid and justified.

There are 2 issues here. One is the need to save for your family and another is choosing the right investment vehicle.

Is it customary in your inlaws family to invest only in real estate? I know many families in India only trust real estate for kids' education, wedding expenses and for retirement. If that's the case and if you are comfortable with the location, you can convince your husband to invest in your and husband names. IMO, properties in Mumbai are a sure bet into the future, no matter the size or the location. Gurgaon, I have my reservations. It definitely is a good investment in the short term, long term I am not so sure.

If husband does not agree to investing in your names and you find finances really tough to manage, consider investing in an equity mutual fund via SIP. Again in your names only.

Another point to consider is will in laws be giving you all their property or is it going to be shared between siblings.

Do buy some gold for yourself if that's important to you. Ask your husband directly for a present for anniversary or birthday.

YoGirl · Apr 22, 2015

You need to talk to your husband and ask him the future plans for your kid, if you are not comfortable talking about the new house for in-laws. That way, talks will be initiated and you can proceed talking about other investments. I would say that you should start investing in children college fund monthly by putting some money away.

And don't sacrifice your small wishes(like jewelry). He knows that you are careful in spending and hence assumes that in whatever financial stage you are, you can live fine.

sheztheone · Apr 22, 2015

I think that the first issue you should be focusing on here is not buying properties, but to get on the same page about finances, as a couple. Today it is property purchase, tomorrow it could be something else. It is good that he is giving you the freedom to spend, but that and his buying properties/spending for relatives' trips is at a different level. Ideally he should not be taking such big decisions on his own without discussing with you.

Are you working by the way? If yes, how do you spend your income? Do you check with him?

Like a PP correctly pointed out, your SIL and her kids will also be legally entitled to properties bought in your ILs' names. You may want to think about that too. It is nice of you to not mind about spending for SIL's gifts and trips, but your kids may not like sharing with SIL's kids the property that was purchased with their parents' money. Your SIL/her H may also stake unfair claims in the future. IMO, such property issues are a time bomb waiting to explode.

Coming back to your issue, first start at a small level and get on the same wavelength about finances. Start with something like spending on bills/household items, gold and then move on to the big ones. Else your husband might get upset right away and everything stops there.

Joyoflife · Apr 22, 2015

Been there, done that. Spending on parents and so and so, it will take a lot of tact and diplomacy to stop that. 10 years is a long time you should have started long time back on this one. You do not say anything and he assumes that you are ok with everything. When he portrays that he has a money tree growing in his backyard, why do u sit quietly. Whenever you get a chance tell your inlaws your actual financial position. Sit with him and make a realistic budget and work accordingly. When he says he wants to buy another house for parents, simply say oh you are so kind since you have bought a house for everyone in the family I think now it's time to buy property for our sons. Whenever you have any money just buy gold. Enrol sons in good private schools so that there is very less money left. Buy education policies and other things for children's future. Do no spend on credit cards. Old habits die hard. So it will take a lot of work. In the initial years of our marriage my husband thought it's every ones birth right to drain his money and that everyone included his elder brother, parents two adopted sisters, his mothers sister omg long list. I had to a lot of work on it. Other than this he is super nice guy. So better start now.

worriedhusband · Apr 23, 2015

indiangal said: ↑

I have been married since 10 years. It was a love marriage, but due to in-laws issue, a lot of distance came between us. To stay peacefully with my DH for the sake of my son, for years i avoided any stressful discussions with my husband. Finances was one such issue.

My husband bought 2 properties in our name.. mine and his.. and one on the name of his parents. All in mumbai.. so the house of his parents was quite expensive as well and paying EMIs of the 3 houses, we came under extreme financial stress and i refrained from spending much. I never utteted a word. It was ok to pay hefty EMI on his parents' house. my in laws are quite well off and have lots of property in the north india.

despite the extreme financial stress, he spent a lot on his sister n family to take them to a trip to Kerala. I didnt say anything. Then his mausi-mausaji came and my hubby spent a good amount on their trip to Goa in addition to spending on his parents. And then my mil made us spend a lot on gifts for them too. I was ok with that too considering it a one time expenditure. This was the time, he was struggling to arrange the hospital fees for our second son's delivery. I didnt utter a word.

All in all, my inlaws have a tendency to make him spend a lot on his sister n her family and on relatives. Spending on sister is ok with me but on relatives beyond certain point was not acceptable but i never said a word.

In 10 years, i didnt buy any jewellery. My husband never stops me from spending, but i tend to save for our future and our kids. But no matter how much we saved, it evaporated on his relatives.

By the grace of god, we moved to dubai with a higher paying job. Now my husband is planning to buy another expensive house for his parents in Gurgaon and he says despite that our situation will not be tight. We getting tight or not, i feel he has already spent enough on his parents who anyways have good money themselves. He anyways continues to pay 1.5 lacs EMI per month for their Mumbai house. Now it is high time, he needs to save money for our future n our kids. His spending on his parents and sister n her family is ok, but he should be reasonable when spending on his relatives. He continues to portray to his parents that he has a lot of money and i feel very insecure as my mil tends to extract more and more on her daughter and relatives. we have never had money in hand and now that we started having some savings, i feel my husband should be practical n keep money in his hands and not invest in a property on his parents' name who anyways are well off and have many properties on their name. His hard earned money will be needed for our kids' education and for us post-retirement. We cannot bank on our sons that they would support us when we grow old.

due to our erstwhile differences, he never shared his finances with me and i too stayed away in order to maintain peace with him. I dont know how do i explain to him the importance of keeping money in his hands and saving better for our future. I am too hesitant in discussing all this with him.

He doesnt stop me from spending, but i rather convey him that saving is more important to me than spending.

Am i being unreasonable in asking him to not buy more property for his parents? We have 2 houses on our name, does that mean i should not mind him giving the remaining part of his earnings to his parents and relatives? Am i wrong if i feel he should reasonanly spend on his parents, sister and relatives now and try to save as much as possible his hard earned income for our kids' future and our life post retirement?
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His money his choice..??