Husband Idiots!

Dear Latha
Our women r walking on the foot steps of Nalayini or Kannagi or Vasuki. youshould not advice your husband, whatever he say or do is correct. This is the advice given to each and every woman from her childhood. When my granny knows about me -- doing business on my own, it was a bombshell to her. She was very upset saying that,'my child, you should not do that. Obey your husband. Pls do not go to office, close down your office ...... and so on.

this is the reason most of our womenfolk never advice or suggest anything. They think going by the husband's words- idiotic or very silly also -- they never mind
Regards
Uma

 

I think there is something fundamentally wrong in the way in which women largely perceive their role - somehow it seems that most women are conditioned to live on borrowed identities (blah blah's wife, so and so's mother, sister). And most accept this flawed social conditioning without much debate or thought (although I am sure at some point of time, they have felt sad or frustrated with this).

Therefore attending a "husband's office ladies club party" becomes more important than her own priorities or her own decisions for herself /the family (or should I say mis-priorities).

My belief is that while working and behaving in the interests of loved ones is top prority - this in no way is related to "Sacrifice" - giving up one's own individual dreams or one's opinions.

Women's responsibility in a family is not to "obey" or "follow" - they play an active role as a human being with unique thoughts and emotions. And women must not just be assertive about their say but also command recognition.

If there is a way in which we can get women, closetted in borrowed identities, to realize that they have an identity of their own, this would be a start.

 

Hi Latha,

I Got married after my graduation without any worldly knowledge...new place, new people, new things around...!

Like u've mentioned about some ladies, I too.. used to keep asking permission from my husband for everything!
what to cook/ what dress to wear?/ ( esp..when we go out!) shall I do this or that? etc.
Initially, my husband used to be happy! slowly, he got irritated & we end up in a quarrel!

As the years rolled...experience taught me what to ask & what NOT to ask? & imp. when to ask what?
Now, being married for 8 yrs. I understand him well! his plus & minus.
When I feel...what he is doing/saying is correct ...I just keep quiet & observe
But when I've a doubt or uncertain...definitely I'll put my foot forward!

So, in my opinion, Like time keeps moving, human interest & attitudes too keep changing!
The ladies which u've mention may be in a weak state but definitely, they will arise & realize that the husband are not idiots only they're idiots!
We cannot expect other person to give freedom...we should take it & make the other person realize that we deserve the freedom!

thanks for opening this new thread...
I'm glad that I was able to share my views!

Hope I've not hurt anybody!

 

Hi Latha,

There seems to be a thin line between confidence and arrogance in Indian society. A woman who decides for her self or her family is branded as arrogant and not as someone who is smart and confident. Every decision that a man makes need not be right....but that is what most women are sadly taught to believe.

Rgrds,
Nivedi

 

Hai,
you all seem to forget that Indian women are not free yet. The man has to give his approval in most cases or else the woman will be doomed. The family peace would end and the woman will have a hard time thereafter. It is not possible for every wife-working or not- to do as she pleases, even if it is for the good of the family.
My hubby is like that- he expects me to do all the work and do not bother him with chores, but I do not have the authority to take decisions. I can only execute his commands. I must do that to his satisfaction too. I take him to task always and it seems that we are always at loggerheads.
I shall give two recent happenings. The sink in the kitchen is leaking andI have been telling him that. (I cannot call a plumber and repair it). He got so irritated and so I stopped that. Last week, he fell down inthe kitchen due to that leakage. I just kept quite and now he has realised the problem after nearly months-but yet to take action.
Another is the scooty- the tyre needs to be changed. I got the back tyre changed sometime back after much agrument. He would not hear of changing the front tyre and said that the mechanic did not know anything and is trying to fleece money. Two days after the first incidence, hubby was getting ready to go out somewhere and the scooty skidded and he fell down and had a hard time. Then only he saw that the front tyre is completely smooth. Now he has agreed to change the tyre.
I follow this tactics- I tell him the problem and wait for his reaction. If it is something that can be managed by being a little loud, I do it. Or else I wait for him to get a better and bitter lesson to take action. There is no other way he will isten.
And do have a hearty laugh after reading the happenings- myself and son had a good laugh!

 

Varloo, I am ROTFL
Ha! Ha! Ha -
(ROTFL = Rolling on the Floor Laughing)
:tongue
You sure know your hubby well, and best thing is, you have taken it in your stride, and make merry about it. I know how easy it is to get serious about such matters, and make one's own (and others around you) life hell as I get quite serious most of the time!

I did have a good laugh!
Do tell your hubby he's got such a good wife, make the most of it! Give her some autonomy, what say?


Coming to the topic at hand, sure is like that most homes. Women need to know when to put their foot down. But with so much conditioning throughout their lives, that is difficult. If one tries to be against the norm, then we are labelled as arrogant (like Nivedi mentioned), and selfish.

I believe that it is education coupled with self-confidence that can make ladies take some decisions on their own when the situation demands it.
(Add to that an understanding husband!)

best
hasita

 

Latha ,

That was an intresting topic to talk on, i agree with varloo & anushiv's
statments about typical indian women having no means of freedom.
during the initial stages of our wedded life to seek good name i used to lunch & dine in my hubby's plate which he too preferd liking & later on for no reason i changed this attitude of mine. Till this date my husband didn't raise questions on this. At home we both sit together to decide abt A-Z of happenings , future etc.,

this is just an example of our culture posing on us. Affection , Care & love probably are shown by these type of small gestures for which the husbands
feel granted.

I feel pity for my MIL who at all times been insulted by her husband for no petty reasons. he always knocks her down saying something or other. she is really helpless to decide things in his absence. but he helps me a lot and behaves fine with me which automatically irritates her. we should be really blessed to have a bliss called life , it should be enjoyed with peace .