Husband Hiding again

How will he react if you ask him for gifts? Will he buy or say No to you??

When he has already decided to waste money, why deny yourself some luxuries? Ask him some gifts. If he says No, fight for that justice instead of asking him to say No to his side clan.

I know this is not the solution to this issue. but maybe with time, he will realize he has to say No to all around him.

 

I have already given you this advise either through PM or here. I don't mind repeating the same.

@sadmarried,
If you don't mind answer the questions below:-

1) I know you are the primary bread-winner in the family. What do you do with your money as you earn?
- Do you spend it for household expenses
- Do you save?
- Keep it for any emergency?
- Spend on kid
- Spend on luxuries
- Spend on personal matters?

and what does your husband do with his salary?

Speaking from my own example, I feel as if you are doing everything at home, and leaving your husband a little careless/irresponsible with his part.
Eg: whatever he earns remains with him, but whatever you earn is already budgeted.

If so, revise the budget. Do a new budget as per both of your income. Pool the money. Say 60% of yours and 60% of his go into family expenses. The remaining 40% of each will stay at your respective accounts for whatever your own expenses.
If and when family needs more, you both will chip in as needed.

60% of yours is obviously bigger than 60% of his. So, don't feel guilty.

Now, your husband is left with little saving for his and other expenses like sending expensive gifts.

You are left with more money, so don't over analyze anything. Buy what you wished to buy.

This way, your husband will have some financial control, self worth... as well as some shyness to ask money from you to gift them.

 

Again the story remains same as mine, except how it works

I have accepted a pay cut starting from this year, whereas my husband was promoted to a great job last month. As of now, his salary is 3 times more than mine. Things have changed so much.
But due to the initial agreement and other stuff, we still follow the same budget lines.
60% of his and 60% of mine goes to the family expenses. Certain portions of EMI, loan etc.. are borne as agreed on a shared basis. So, the remaining will be left for our individual saving, investment or whatever.

Joint account is a great system. But it doesn't mean it is the only financial system for married couple. Chose what suits you best.

You are in a tricky situation though. I would advice you to save whatever the redundancy to a FD or any investments. So that it won't be taken out for ipads and cameras down the line.

Wait till you get a new post. After that, do something to save your salary in an independent account. Share the burden of family expenses, and others.

For now, just pretend as if you know nothing about the Camera. In anycase, beware of whatever the redundancy amount.

 

Hi
I have been following some of your posts.
It seems like flash back to me.

My dh was like yours including even building house under his brother's name.
Had enough fights and arguments initially itself, the cause of so much suffering. But you have to put your foot down in such issues. I was vocal, though not working at that time. as a wife I feel you do have every right on how your dh is spending his money. Him spending before marriage is a different issue, but after marriage there definitely needs transparency to have good relationship. Either he tells you or not is not the issue here. It is about the financial situation of your house and it has to be sorted. Even if you have much income it is not a matter of gifting things, it is matter that needs the decision a couple has to do with greater transparency. Make it clear to him.
Your IL are never going to stop asking things as long as they are sure that your dh is ok with it. It needs a correction and no one else will be bothered about it except you.
Your MIL would have known about the nephew request, and would feel that as she had stayed here to look after your kid she has to get benefit out of it.
I had so many issues like it, and in the end what I decided was that to fight to the end was the only one beneficial. I am not sure how your dh will respond, but that is my feeling. Myself and my kids have lost all contacts with ILs, but in the end it is the survival of the fittest. I had to look after my kids future as there was huge debt for dh and I wasn't working and so forth. So I had to really fight for it. I had even decided that if nothing changed, I would have left dh and made him suffer, as well. That's long time ago, but has left a deep and irreversible scar on myself both psychologically and physically.
You should be prepared and anticipate a traumatic and emotional stress if you proceed to ask him and deal with the issue then and there. Otherwise if you leave it , you should also expect that there is no way you would be able to discuss freely any issues with him in future.

How much ever we tell here it is only you who knows how your dh would react and how you want your life to be ? Just think and also read other people advice.
Take care

 

Op...why do you let your husband take all financial decisions?
Why do you leave so much money around?
Why do you not tie up the money in investments?
Why are you always walking on eggshells around your husband?

First ...tie up your redundancy fund in an FD that he cannot touch.
Then go out and buy that camera and other stuff that you have been wanting today.
Why should spoilt nephew have all the fun?

Will there be fight....may be....but can you be sure there won't be if you keep giving your joint money for spoilt brats?

When you get your job ...try SGBV 's financial plan .Make it 50 -50.(this should be used only for the three of you)Both of you put 10% for son's future and rest you both take care of your investments from your 40% each . This way he will have to think about his future too .

 

@sadmarried

This is a very nice situation to be in...

Enjoy the luxuries of an house wife. At the same time upgrade your CV and knowledge by learning a new course. The new jewelry plan, and may be some investment on your kid or yourself is worth.

Let him pay the entire household expenses, medical, child's expenses, and everything in addition to whatever the sudden expenses like Kid's birthday, new purchase, festival etc..etc.. comes up.

Being a primary bread winner is not easy. Perhaps you know it.

Dont say any negative comments about him sending money to his people. But every now and then, kindly remind him of the family's need. Try to boost his ego in the mean time by mentioning about his new job, salary upgrade; hence the requirement to upgrade the facilities at home.

Perhaps, invest on a new day care.

Remember... Don't try to run the show at home. Finish whatever the shoping, saving, investment with your redundancy money. Dont talk about it. Finished.

Now don't remind him about your post cut, no salary issue. Treat it as if your husband is capable of running the home perfectly without you. So, like any housewife would, you too be honest with him.
Ask him if you need anything openly. Eg: an iphone.

Try to drain him as much as you can with the family expenses, your expenses, kid's expenses, savings and all the upgrades.

If he still feels the need to send money home, let him do... It wouldn't be that much after all the spending. Also, if he does so, let him find happiness there after doing all this for you