1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Husband Hates To Clean His Baby... Hates To Wash His Mother Cloths

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Jun 17, 2021.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    330
    Likes Received:
    207
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    I knew, As a indian wife, i should not expect sensitivity from husbands. But from long time onwards my relationship with my husband is not much close...we do have sex, but it is up to sex only. not up to souls.

    having 2 kids...from 10 yr of marriage life & recently brought new home. we both are working..actually he dont like me as working wife..his dream is always house wife who can say YES all time to him & who can be his slave with name of wife. But i safeguarded myself from his dream & successfully i created barricade with him in past 3 years. even though we are in same house, i & my baby girl are in one room. he & our toddler boy are in another room. Luckly both are earning & we are having financial dependency on each other...that is bitter truth. and one more reason is kids.

    Now coming to his behaviour, he is short tempered & very possessive son(my inlaws are living with us from my marriage point onwards by putting their age as big reason. but they are always healthy to their own time pass works, that is another story)

    I am slowly hating my husband..yeh, this feeling strengthening slowly in me & my soul wanting some other fantasy guy who might be feminist.

    Reson:
    1. My husband always enjoys service from mother & wife & even from other ladies like his sister & aunt. But he always escapes when there is situation comes like if he needs to help any of them during their illness.
    2. He always suggest, bring medicines to care people.Do over action also in talks. But will not sit & console that patient. instead of that he will keep remind them how that person is neglected their health so on...and it caused to their illness.
    3. He will play with my 2 yr old daughter. But his face became very irritative if she Pee on him, he hates to clean my toddler son ear holes.
    4. He hates to enter into bathroom to clean kids Poo area & to help then at commode point.
    5. when i am in periods, he behave like busy & he dont like to comfort me.He will try to avoid me because i may ask help.
    6. His mother having Mental illness from his child hood onwards. But before marriage this is not revealed. Recently again she felt into that illusion mode for long 10days around...so she forgets to flush, she forgets her nighty in bathroom bucket, she forgetting her eating behaviour also..finally she is not behaving normal person. Even in such case also, he tried to offer medicines which prescribed almost 14 years ago by a psychiatrist. That mean he never take her to doctor in last 14 years to check her mental illness which almost repeating for every 6 months. Those tablets are sleeping tablets which will make her more drowsy & always keep he on bed. I suggested many times there may be new medicines might introduced, but he never listen. Ofcourse, i too dont care her much because she is major reason for my premature son.( all gents in his family are like this only)

    So finally he is kind of "touch me not" in point of service to his daughter, his mother & his wife. Always feels like he is doing much work then other indian mens at home chores. But its not, he never care kitchen chroes & cleaning works, home repairs. only care finance savings and acting like he is taking over all burden in him.

    To explain him more...we got vaccinated 2 days ago, He read many articles in online from 4 days onwards about side effect of symptoms. I never cared that injection & i am doing my daily flow by forgetting that vaccine drive. But he is not...even though he did not get any post vaccine symptoms, he has taken 2 days leave & feeling that he is sick.

    I am well feminist & i need a guy who shouldn't have this gender discrimination in life, and having broad mind to help others even guy like who can clean needy people personal parts. Ofcourse i will do such range of service if i like person. So my hating levels on him gradually increasing..but maintaining silence & keeping him in distant.


    I believe KARMA, so i am thinking that his actions will trigger back to him in future. But i am afraid bit to live with this kind of personality for next 30 years around..because these kind of people are always utilize people around them, but not help back in such a way. Am i need to serve this guy as wife at his old age who hates to sit with me during periods.
     
    Loading...

  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    1,233
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    Is this a consoling thought that can help you go on with your life as is ?
    You would be the decision maker on what happens in the long term. Lack of affection in a marriage builds up cumulatively, and women have been known to employ various mind control methods, diversionary tactics in work/hobbies/children to increase their levels of tolerance.

    Women in past generations [not just in India] had less opportunities for outside employment, and earnings that may eventually deliver them from a sad life of indentured marriages. This sort of bondage is difficult to get out of in the short term. A combination of (1) managing the ongoing suffering and (2) planning for a goal date of deliverance -- is the only way feasible.

    Good luck. Be strong and persevere.
     
  3. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    342
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear reesha, I read your many posts previously too. I feel you are getting too bitter and negative in this marriage. Its only good if you can divorce and moveon rather than bringing up children in a toxic environment whether both husband n wifehate each other.
    If you cant divorce, try to develop thick skin and live like a single mother in that house. Dont expect anything from your husband. Do what you like. Focus on yourself and your kids. Forget that he even exists. That'll help you.
     
    lavani likes this.
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,580
    Likes Received:
    7,963
    Trophy Points:
    470
    Gender:
    Male
    @Reesha
    In Marriage - whether made in heaven or arranged by parents, one or both to be lucky. If it goes on even keel for few years in the beginning, there is no guarantee it would do so in future. So much read about abusive nature of spouse, yet willy-nilly , they seemed somehow carry on. Only few escape from derailed marriages when the going turns tough. After production of kids, many are venting here about sudden eruption of incompatibility, woes about their own mothers or MILs or SILs not coming forward to US to lend helping hand.
    Compared to many stories of abuse practise on spouse, alcholism , yet I wonder what makes the people to long for partner in marriage, then long for babies, then TTC, then tedious medical procedures, huge expenses, financial hamstrings and the constant fear of divorce...OMG - what is this conundrum?
    And then Op what you need from here.. write it out. Compared to other vents, your status is not wholesome bad.

    Best wishes & God Bless.
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,513
    Likes Received:
    3,194
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Agree with @PurpleRoses.
    Dont allow the negativity of these people to change who you are.

    What are the positives of your husband?
    Does he help with any other household jobs?
    What are your reasons for staying in this marriage

    I will reply later
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2021
    PurpleRoses likes this.
  6. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    322
    Likes Received:
    185
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    He was just running away frm responsibilities,he wants his life to be happy wth out any commitments and wants to live as he likes..most of men’s wil be like dt onl,dy wil nicely teach others how to take care of family members and how to help them whn needed but whn the situation turns to dre side dt wil just jump frm dre and try to rub those responsibilities on others..u r bit lucky in dt he was not insisting u to take care of his mother or other things..
    Dy wants the kids to play and to time pass whn cming to the works dy wil just escape frm dre..just ignore him and stop expecting anything frm this type of person and stay connected wth ur kids and do ur job..whn his turn came he wil know the pain of ignorance..just take care of u and ur kids
     
  7. lavani

    lavani Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    584
    Likes Received:
    739
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    agreeing with @PurpleRoses and @DDream . If you are venting here. then this discussion is for emotional support.
    rest you have to think deep on the reasons of staying in the marriage

    either develop thick skin and detach -- easy said than done. actually it will be mentally harmful since we always expect
    or look for coparenting living separately.

    you have ponder on the questions asked above.

    also those karma , hate - it may work. but it will hurt you more than him. he might be hurt x amount of time later but you will be mentally drained . so it is karma working on you than him during that time.
     
    PurpleRoses likes this.

Share This Page