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Husband hardly spends time with me - stuck with nowhere to go?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by krutika, Jul 8, 2007.

  1. krutika

    krutika New IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I've been married almost 5 yrs now -- no kids. It was an arranged marriage. I work full-time and so does my husband. On weekdays we are both very tired and hardly get any time with each other. Come Friday night, my SIL & BIL who live a couple of blocks from us, start making demands on our time. They want to spend every waking moment with us. This is straining our relationship. My husband does not even have time to sleep with me and is always busy entertaining his family. He wines them & dines them in fancy restaurants, goes on trips with them and pays for them all the time. He loves them very much and I feel he would be able to leave me but cannot stay away from them. I try to keep a positive attitude, but am often depressed and feel like I have to constantly struggle to spend time with him. I don't get any affection from his family and simply must be nice to them. He has never supported me in the past even when they have been nasty to me. I do not know how we can start living as a normal couple. I feel like I am the third wheel in my marriage. He has now agreed to try to have a baby, but I'm scared that he'll still keep his old ways and I'll be essentially raising the baby alone. I'm not sure how I could improve my situation. Please advise.
     
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  2. eleena75

    eleena75 New IL'ite

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    Re: Stuck with nowhere to go?

    First sorry to hear about your situation dear.
    My advice is to try to spend time with husbant without hurt his feeling over SIL and BIL, i mean - try to organize dinner only for you and him somewhere out - tell him in the last moment that you reserve table for 2 and that you want to make this night special for him. Just try
    And about baby - dont think in this way - many men change when the baby come, but dont expect that he will love less SIl and BIL - DONT STAY BETWEEN ТHЕМ / between husbant and BIL and SIL/ :wave
     
  3. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Stuck with nowhere to go?

    I think I can relate to it. I have my husband's sis staying 1-2 miles away. They dont really ask too much time .. But it does tax us sometimes. I worked it reverse. I got so involved and thrilled to plan every meeting .. that my hsuband felt he s kindda tired of visiting his sis.. Try this trick..
    It usually works. Try enjoying your time. Dont hold past in your hand.. otherwise you will messing present also. Husband and In-laws are most selfish bunch of people you will meet in life. Let them be like that. You preserve your goodness and sanity of mind by not over thinking about them.

    DO have your circle of frends. Pass some value time with them too.
    Soon when your husband sees less sulking from you. He himself will get bugged.

    I keep giving this advice to everybody and I know myself it s very hard to practice. With Man , you should only use your mind in day to day things.. For bigger and long term things use your heart.. Most of the daily triffles usually get magnified bcos we have our heart involved into it.
     
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  4. Bina

    Bina New IL'ite

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    Re: Stuck with nowhere to go?

    If I were you, for an evening/day when you know the IL's are most likely going to come, but they have not called to confirm, I would plan a special day/night with my hubby. So if you know they usually drop in Saturday night, I would tell my hubby Friday that for tomorrow, lets go out and do ...a football game/trip to the hardware store..anything he likes and tell him that after the vist, I am planning to cook a special dinner for you (mention something you know he loves) and describe to him in detail how you would set up the table, with the music in the background and don't be shy and mention that your plan was to seduce him at the dinner table..and then spice it up..use your imagination ;-)....maybe a bubble bath for two. Pain the picture vivdly for him. Or the other option would be to show him a lil sexy teddy maybe that you went out and bought, and were plannin to wear it for him on Saturday night. The idea is for him to think you and him as a couple ..doing something that only couples do, and get him all excited. Do not mention anything abou the IL's. Let the IL's call or come over...do not show any frustration about them being here. Let you hubby realize what he is missing out on by not making it a priority to spend time just as couples. Once he relizes what he is missing out on...on his own, without you mentioned a word, I bet he will find an excuse when the IL's call to tell you, they are coming over for dinner.

    The key here is not to show your displeasure, if he says " I guess we can't have that special night together the IL's are coming" Just smile and say " you know what you are missing out on" and watch him squirm the whole night, while the IL's are visitng ;-)

    Men are big babies, they don't like being told things, they have to realize things on their own. If you help him realize on thing that he is missing out on, he will come around.

    Hope this helps. keep us posted on how things go.
     
  5. incarnation

    incarnation Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Stuck with nowhere to go?

    5 yrs .. too long.have you tried talking to him about this in a calm manner that after marriage you are his immediate family and priorities need to shift to you .
    You can tell him that you respect him and his ties , but somehow you feel that you are not getting your share of time.Ask him for little more time and then you can spend that time in the most qualitative way and he may yearn for more.

    Hope he is not a short tempered or a chauvinist .
     

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