Husband forcing to resign the job

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Umaa, Nov 18, 2007.

  1. Umaa

    Umaa New IL'ite

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    hi All,

    I require your sincere advice on my current situation.

    I am 8 months pregnant. I am going to deliver my baby by end of this month or 1 week of december. I have asked for 6 months unpaid leave in my company. I am planning to rejoin my work by june 1st week.

    Currently we are staying with in-laws. My MIL and FIL has told that i should take care of my baby by myself and they will not take care as they are not feeling gud it seems. My husband is forcing me to resign the job and stay at home and take care of baby. But I dont want to loose my career.

    Can i leave my baby to day care center? My husband is not allowing to leave my baby at day care center. They are also saying that the kid gets easily affected by the kids in day care center if we leave them in day care center. How to tackle this situation? Please help me.

    Thanks,
    Uma
     
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  2. Sumathy

    Sumathy Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Uma,

    First of all, congratulations to you on your expected motherhood. As a working mom of 2 kids, I can share my experience with you.

    I dont think you should resign the job. It is also not fair to ask your in-laws to baby-sit if they are not feeling upto it (for whatever reasons). You have anyway applied for 6 months leave. Try and see if you can push it for another 6 months. Meanwhile, you should start exploring options to take care of the kid. For children below 1 year, there may only be a few day care centres in bangalore - I am not sure though. But there is another option - keeping a nanny. You can keep somebody from morning till evening. They are not very expensive - if it is only for the kids, you should be able to get somebody for around Rs. 1500 per month. The best thing is to tell maids in your area - there will be somebody willing.

    But I think the most important thing for you would be to convince your husband and in-laws. First you tell them, you will take leave and be with the kid. Tell them that you can take a decision to quit if things really dont work out. Then slowly tell them that it will be nice to have a nanny even if you are around. Get the nanny when you are on leave only and let them experience. Tell them it is a win-win situation as you can work and the kid is also taken care of at home. Best of luck. Whatever decision you take, dont get stressed now and enjoy your motherhood.

    I am also in bangalore and I can talk to my friends and see if they know any place or maid, if you let me know where you live.

    Cheers,

    Sumathy
     
  3. Umaa

    Umaa New IL'ite

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    Dear Sumathy,

    Thank you very much for the details that you have provided me.

    I live in BTM 2nd stage. Can you tell me where you stay?

    Cheers,
    Uma
     
  4. padmavathi m

    padmavathi m Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Uma

    Hi, how are you? Keep this quote in your mind

    EVERYTHING HAPPENS AS HE (GOD) WISHES.

    Pl dont worry for anything .... You just pray God he has to only give courage to face anything in life. Enjoy your pregnancy. I can understand its easy for everyone to say dont worry. In Tamil there is saying goes "Thalaivaliyum vaithuvaliyum thanakku vandaal thaan therium".

    Out of my own experience i am telling you, when bad time comes we can only watch. nothing we can do. eerything happens on its own pace. the sad moments which you are facing will affect your baby in the womb.

    BE CALM,COOL,RELAX, RELAX,RELAX. Just wait till your delivery and do as sumathy has told.
    Bye dear
    Take care I wish you for a safe delivery
    Cheers,
    Padma
     
  5. Sumathy

    Sumathy Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Uma,

    I stay in Hebbal - quite far from your place. But i will check with my friends and PM you if I come across a good day care or a maid. Take care.

    Cheers,

    Sumathy
     
  6. glowmom

    glowmom Senior IL'ite

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    finding a nanny is a good option to go.. my inlaws will be caring for my kids when we move to bangalore.. i have an active 3 yr old and my second baby will be 3 months we move.. my in laws health is also not good but they are willing to help out if there is a nanny or some house help throughout the day..so that is the route we will be going..

    but you also have to be open to the option that you might have to quit in the worst case..right.. my 3 yr old went to day care from when he turned 1 and i dont even want to go into details of how many times he fell sick.. kids that young dont have any immunity and day cares are breeding ground of germs howver clean they try to maintain.. having gone through day care trauma with my first one, i have decided to keep my second baby at home atleast for 2 yrs no matter how..

    you have an advantage of staying in bangalore...i am sure househelp or nanny are much more affordable.. please talk to your husband and win him over.. my husband also keeps asking me if i will quit my job after second baby.. but he wont force me into it coz he knows i wont be happy.. but you can make the final decision once you see your baby and spend sometime with him/her..life changes after baby..you never know how you will start feeling once you are mother.. good luck
     
  7. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    Congratulations on your pregnancy!!
    First of all you have to keep cool at this time.
    I think you need not have to resign the job. No matter what, please don't do it.
    For time being just keep quite. Later things will settle down after baby is born.
    Later it is upto you to get back to work or stay home with baby.
    So keep cool else it may harm your health.

    ~Punitha
     
  8. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Uma
    If you notice everyone has a different opinion. Its very important to thnk and decide for oneself.
    If you are marrige is important to you please do what you're husband requests. When you do the contrary you will lose what is more precious than your career. This does not mean your submissive. It means you have your priorities right and correct.
    later on youu can always go back to job
    Have you ever visited a day care? If you did this question would not have comeup. Here in the U.S the number of women staying at home and raising children is astounding.
    all only my opinion.not worth much.
    Take care of yourself and good luck
     
  9. rkalyanee

    rkalyanee New IL'ite

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    Hello Uma,

    Congrats on the good news! First and foremost relax as like every other Ilitian has told you.Enjoy yourself to the most.
    Postive thinking to you will do good to your baby in your womb.

    I have a daughter who will be completing 3 years this december. She is a bundle of joy. I am very happy at this very moment of being her mother despite she being the most naughtiest girl in her class with lots of compliant from her teacher.

    I also went thro' this phase and hence iam sharing my thoughts with you and all other ILitians who get to read this note.

    I was working before and after delivery. I took off for 4 months after maternity. I was not okay for sitting at home after working for a company for 6+ years so resumed duty. But i had to quit as the timing was not acceptable to me and also my daughter was hospitalised when she was 8 months old for 1 days or so. Despite the options of day care centres and nanny's and my mother being around with lots of relatives, she did fall sick because of xyz reasons.

    We decided that i take a break from career till the time she starts full time school and other after school activities ,say till 1st std or so... Also with the idea that i can do some work related to the experience i have from home, or check out whether your office gives the option of part time/ flexi hours or work from home options to keep your graph moving in the market with a slow growth rather than a break in the chart.
    I enjoy every bit of my time with my daughter and do some business from home.I have no regrets as to staying at home. This decision is not for my inlaws or my husband or my mother.This was a decision taken by me for my baby, thats it, you take the decision and you stand by it. There were times i felt sad i left the job but i come out of it whenever i play or just see my daughter play/talk etc

    What iam trying to say is, what ever be the decision, whether to put your kid in a day care or put a nanny or you stay at home or leave her with your in laws on convincing them with a assistant for them are decisions to be taken after the safe delivery happens. Till such time relax and like how other Ilitians have told "STAY COOL/CALM/RELAXED"to enjoy the bounty/ bundle of joy you are going to hold in your hands on delivery.

    Take good care of yourself and wish you a safe delivery.
    Kalyani
     
  10. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    dear umaa,
    congrats .maybe by this time ur bundle of joy is in ur arms.
    well ,regarding ur query.i feel as u have maternity leave of more than 6 mths so enough time to worry about what to do ..till then enjoy ur time with the little one & stop taking stress over what to do or not to do.this is one of the most unique experience of life(being mother).so savour each day.
    maybe by then your husband's views will change or even ur own.so enjoy yourself .
     

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