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Husband forcing for boy again after abortion

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Radhika333, Apr 5, 2016.

  1. Radhika333

    Radhika333 New IL'ite

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    Continuing my story, my husband forced me for a boy again. I have 2 girls and when my younger one was 18 months I got pregnant which did not last long doctor said it was a chemical pregnancy. After couple of months I was expecting 14th week we got to know its a girl 16th week I got aborted with a heavy heart only bcoz I didn't wanted the baby to suffer in future for having such father. I thought that my husbands crazy for having boy is over it's been just 3 months I got aborted and he is mentally torturing me again to try.
    I am sick of this man, it's not easy to break my relation, I have so much of guilt for aborting but her is shameless.
     
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  2. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Is gender scanning not illegal? How did you get to find it out? What are your parents and in-laws doing? Why is he so crazy for a boy, why don't you go for an IUD, I don't think anybody's consent is needed for that... you just have to take care for a month until you get your next period and you will be fine. You will get heavy periods for six months but after that the cycle will be set. As far as I know, if it is outside India, the scan takes place around 20 weeks and you cannot abort at that time, it is against the law. Nobody is in a position to leave, dear OP, it is up to us to take a decision and stick to it. If it involves a life, what are you thinking? I have heard of contraception through abortion only in India. Thanks to our population explosion, we are made to feel guilty about it. But in other countries, it is one step before murder and it is a topic of discontentment with some people labelling it as murder. Anywhere else, abortion is abortion, not family planning. Tell your husband to GET LOST if he wants you to get pregnant and abort next time. Involve your parents and in-laws if needed.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2016
  3. Radhika333

    Radhika333 New IL'ite

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    HE is shameless. Now I realize he by purpose have made me his dependent since we married, my girls are so scared of him when we start fighting.
    Is my stand wrong ?
    He says last time he wants to try, which he said the same last time too.
     
  4. Radhika333

    Radhika333 New IL'ite

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    I am in U.S. and surprisingly my husband is here since 18 yrs and have such backward thinking, his sister and mother also supports him. His sis says give him last chance. The problem is all support him knowing his faults.
     
  5. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    What does this mean? Let's say you get pregnant again. Then what are his expectations?
    (a) Gender scan again, followed by a termination if it proves to be a girl? or
    (b) No gender scan, cheerfully welcome the new baby? or
    (c) Go nuts if it's a boy, but reluctantly resign oneself to 'cruel fate' if it's yet another girl?

    What do you want? Do you want another child? Do you want to be pregnant again?

    Does your husband know the whole XX/XY chromosome thing - all that stuff that follows the conversation about the birds and the bees? Or does he / his family imagine that it's all somehow your fault? :cool:
     
  6. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Radhika,

    I am just more than shocked to know that such ppl exist in this generation also that too in US! I can understand how much you would have suffered physically and mentally..Is he a human being first? Cant he give you some time to first recover? Karma will definitely catch up and will serve them all right..
    I pity those two little girls who are suffering for no fault of theirs..For their sake atleast cant you take some bold move and start being independent. Ask them all to go to hell if they pester you anymore..First make the life of these two angels better before you even think of giving birth to the third one..
     
  7. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    He is not concerned about your health either.every time you abort,your health is getting affected adversely.. If you can not handle this... bring your parents to the picture.I couldn't understand how come this 'boy child maniac' is still prevailing among such educated people aswell.Every time his chromosome decides the gender and you take the punishment.My hugs and concern to you dear..I understand your situation..Be bold..
     
  8. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    I agree with what has been written by Soka.

    OMG, guys like your husband still exist and still living in first world countries.
    He prefers a boy and doesn't have a basic clue about procreation and the genetics involved.

    First of all, it requires your consent as well to become pregnant. If you don't want, don't become pregnant. You alone can go to any doctor and discuss these issues with him/her. There are a lot of ways to avoid becoming pregnant and the decision lies with you and it does not require the consent of the husband. Try one of the contraceptives which involves you alone and go ahead with them. Be affirmative with your reasoning of not becoming pregnant. You don't even have to let your husband know that you are on contraceptives, legally you are not bound. ( I am not sure about how it is in US, but I am pretty much sure it would be the same as here). Remember no one including your husband or his family can force you to have a kid. You already have two kids so there is no further need unless you want to have one.

    I have attached the link for you to read about the contraceptives, be prepared before you discuss them with the doctor.

    Family Planning NSW


    Take care,
    Vaidehi
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2016
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Vaidehi71 has said exactly what I wanted to say.

    Use one of the feasible contraceptive without your cruel husband's knowledge to avoid pregnancy. It is not a crime, and not immoral since your husband himself is not human at the first place. All is right in war, and you are in a war to protect an unborn child by doing this. Don't feel guilt for it.

    You can have certain types of contraceptives for 5 yrs.
    Don't be his dependent forever. Past is past... Start learning from the mistakes, and be independent.
     
    Rihana likes this.
  10. shobhamma

    shobhamma Gold IL'ite

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    My dea
    Just be strong and decide for yourself as vaidehi and others have said. Here my illiterate maid went and got herself operated without her husband or MIL knowing . She was in the same boat. So just have courage and decide yourself.
    Be strong. Good luck.
     
    satchitananda likes this.

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