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Husband Flirting????

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by senoritaaa, Feb 7, 2020.

  1. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi ladies ,married since 12 years 2 daughters. The problem I am facing is,
    1) my husband has an innate capacity to make friends with women very quickly . ( even with men also he has that ability ) . He talks and mingles in such a way that they feel very free and talk to him as if they are talking to some friend . I have always wondered on this .

    2) obviously he has a large set of female friends at work also.
    3 ) I have always noticed that even when we go together, whnever he sees a beautiful woman he can't stop looking . If it is such a scenario that there is scope for conversation, he makes uses of it well. ( Eg : some sales girl, asking the way etc etc )
    We both are average looking people .
    He is a good father and husband , I should say . Whenever sometimes I question this behaviour he lies on the face.
    The problem is I am saddened by this behavior.. Pls advice what I need to do here.is this a major cause for concern ? What can I do to stop this behavior. ..
     
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  2. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Flirting and just talking to people are different.

    When you ask about conversations with women, he knows you disapprove, that's probably why he lies.

    I see a lot of similarities with my husband, but let me explain. My husband is innately funny and very spontaneous. He crack jokes and make any boring conversation interesting. I have seen he being center of every group he walks into, and I remember feeling very proud that he is mine. He talks freely with women, and has many female friends at work and in our friend circle. But he has no friends that I am not aware of, especially female friends. We talk openly and there are times that I don't agree with him when he makes a certain statement or comment, and we tend to remain respectfully disagree.

    We both look at nicely dressed/beautiful women and secretly comment between us, on how good she looks. If he sees a good dress, he tells me "it is hot", most of the time, I agree. It is natural for men and women to look at people and feel that they are attractive.

    do you think it is casual talking that you call it flirting? That being said, you have every right to express to your husband what you feel not right. Every couple is different, from what I look at I think your husband behaves normal. How does he react when you tell him what you don't like? Does he talks/share with his female friends that he will not share with you? If not, are you worrying for no reason?

    I still have to come across a man who doesn't want to look at a beautiful woman, if they talk about it or not is a different story.
     
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Only point no 3 is quite bothersome and it is understandable from your point of view.

    Two things..
    1) Him ogling at other women..He feels it is harmless and nothing wrong in just starting or looking.
    2) He takes you for granted and feels my wife won’t mind as he isn’t making a mistake and it is just harmless.

    You can tell him upfront that you feel uncomfortable and he won’t like it if you do the same to other men.

    He might stop doing it in front of you atleast but truth is men or women secretly admire Other good looking people from the opposite gender.

    The trust,honor and relationship you share with your husband ..only you know.

    Just point blank tell him not to shake your confidence on him.As long as he just looks but not in a way making you uncomfortable,it is okay
     
  4. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    tricky one. men are visual. so take this, he is never going to stop that.

    my H does that too. he notices those subtle styles in different women , which make me irritated but also amuses.

    but not oogle, he maintains a strict respect and avoids having too much friendly and personal talks. all you can do is communicate and trust.

    2. regarding communication, watch what he communicates and how. does comment on the feminine looks in a flirting manner. how do the women communicate with him. Are they more emotional and share their personal details. distance yourself for a few days and notice the patterns before reacting .

    because those things, i would not be comfortable and will not accept . Lies is not acceptable, he needs to be open , you have to make him feel safe that you trust but he needs to keep his boundaries.

    these are very general suggestions, you know the reality . flirting and friendly are different.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    You know am sure there would have been secret admirers for you too:)

    You are saying you are average looking but beauty is subjective and for sure you are beautiful to someone else point of view..

    Next time your hubby flirts openly ..just tell them that the other day there were some guys who were smiling and starting at you too.

    Problem with many men is they are made to feel secure by the womenfolk so they don’t under what it is feeling insecure.

    You should not feel insecure for your hubby’s behavior.Am sure you are lovely your own way and remember..there will be other men who could have been flirting With you Passively which you might have missed noticing which made their women insecure..


    strut your beauty with confidence and make him notice you.Jokingly tell him that you have to dress well for your admirers both men and women.Men love a woman confident with their beauty.

    Wanted to share this on a lighter note and make you feel better but meant it
     
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  6. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    I dont think its a big deal. Many do it behind their wife's back and your DH is doing it in front of you.
    If this is the worst problem you have with your DH, then you are lucky.
     
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  7. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    You can't stop it, can you? Just let it slide. The lesser you think about it, the less stressful for you.
     
  8. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    If you are feeling it is wrong, then probably it is wrong. Trust your feelings and never let anyone tell you, that you are wrong to feel the way you feel.

    His behavior of looking at women, infront of you- you very much standing there, is an insult. It is not respecting your feelings.

    You cannot change his behavior, even you ask, he won't change. IMO, you will have to live with this. You will have to thicken your skin and make it impermeable.

    If you do want to give him a taste of his own medicine, then talk nicely to any sales guy- who is receptive. But revenge tactics, takes too much time and effort. I would suggest, you stay true to your values, and stay happy. When that thought comes- he ogling at women- change your thought and think of positive things about him.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
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  9. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I cannot remember where I'd seen this; may be a whatsapp forward from someone. Anyhow...

     
  10. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Point 1 and 2 are not problematic,It's nice that men can be friends with women and treat them as equal persons.
    But inspite of what others have said, somehow I dont like your husbands behaviour (POINT 3). Glancing at a good looking person passing by is ok . Many times, I tell my husband at the mall- " wow that girl looks so stunning in that dress , I want a dress like that."
    But staring and flirting with random pretty women in front of you is very disrespectful. Maybe some of those women dont like (asking the way unnecessarily just to talk to them). Your husband is not a teenager that he can't control himself- as an adult he should maintain his dignity. Please have a serious talk with him how it makes you feel.
    And don't feel insecure about your looks-everyone has different ideas of beauty.And your husband has chosen and married you because that's what he likes . Even I am slightly overweight /acne while my husband is handsome, its not a big deal. Looks is just one dimension of our personality. He always maintains his decency and boundaries with women . It's not so hard.
    It seems your husband doesn't have any bad intentions and not a major cause of concern. Rather , it's either a bad habit from teenage or it's about him seeking validation due to insecurity to prove something to himself . In either case, he should maintain your dignity because you are hurt and insulted by it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020

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