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Husband Flirting ...am I exaggerating

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by radhika4m, Nov 14, 2007.

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  1. SupriyaDinesh

    SupriyaDinesh Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Though i havent faced any such situation in my life(being only daughter) i would like to share my views.If u want to avoid hurting both u r sis and hubby,i think u can try avoiding such situation which will make them to be close.Or talk to u r mom to talk to u r sister regarding this.
    I have heard about such incidents where bcoz the sister was careless about her hubby's flirting nature it resulted in many family problems.Be alert my dear friend.ANd i sincerely hope everything gets alright.
     
  2. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Radhika,

    While talking to your sister, tell her that this is something between you and her. You can talk to her abt these matters because yr bond has been there life long. Tell her that with your husband, yr bond is still developing, and men can sometimes not understand a woman's point of view and might take it otherwise.

    So ask her not to talk to yr husband about it because that might damage yr relationship with him. It is only between the 2 of you...

    She is not a kid. Hopefully when you tell her that, she will not go and tell yr hubby abt it.

    Hope this works.
     
  3. sbhuvana

    sbhuvana New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I feel that you should talk it out with your husband, but dont tell him in the way as if you are accusing him, just tell him softly. Reason, I am telling this is, in future if your husband comes to know that you had said that to your sis, he might feel that you had suspected him and hence had told her. Also, here your problem is, you are possessive of your husband not your sister and hence personally I feel that it is more apt to tell your husband.

    In my hubby's side, they are used to the habit of hugging each other (elderly males) when greeting. I am not comfortable with hugging like that and hence I told him that I wont hug anybody or let anybody hug me and he was fine with it. The next hurdle was his SIL (his bro's wife) .. she is a out-going person, once she and him came together in the bike and I was really upset on seeing that.. reason - I asked him to take me in the bike to the temple and his mom refused as it was a big pooja that day for husband's sake and we should walk to the temple and so we walked to the temple. his bro and SIL came late to the house (after we had left) and so he dropped her in the temple. His bro cud have dropped her, but that lady has insisted on my husband dropping her. I was so angry and that day night I told him that I love him so much and am very possessive of him and cant see him like that with somebody else in the bike. He told me that anni is like mom, I told him that "I trust you that you wont cheat me. I am 100% sure that you wont leave me and go behind any women. And even if you want to do that, I am 200% sure that you wont do it with your anni.. hence I am hurt here not because I don't trust you, but because I love you and am possessive of you and cant see you like that".. he agreed with a SMILE and till now when she asks also, he somehow escapes and has not repeated the same even once :) ... Your sister may not be mature and your husband is of course mature. There may be generation gap between you and your sister, but it wont be there between you and your husband. Hence try! All the best.

    This is my personal opinion. Hope this helps. Hope i have not confused you more.
     
  4. oaktree

    oaktree Senior IL'ite

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    i feel that you should take help of a third person- ur mom, ur or his brother anyone who u r sure will not twist ur words n feelings before ur younger sis. that person should tell ur sis that its not appropriate to behave like that with ur hubby. else if that person is close to ur hubby then the same message can be conveyed to ur hubby that its not ok to hug his wife's sis like that.
    if the above is not possible then in my view a still better solutionwill be to talk to ur hubby, explaining that u feel bad coz of this thing n however innocent it has been on his part he should stop it for ur sake.
    i m not in favour of talking to ur sis directly, coz what if she stopped hugging n all with ur hubby after listening to u but hubby continues this with other cousins of his or urs? its ur hubby that u r being possessive abt in this situation so make him understand that the way he will not uncomfortable if you hugged his brothers/male cousins , similarly u too dont like him hugging other females.
    hope ur conversation goes well.

    -riya
     
  5. Annette

    Annette New IL'ite

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    You should do the same thing (hugging, holding, etc....) with someone else (male) and see how your husband reacts! Just telling them won't solve the problem it is sure to aggravate the situation for the worst. I also faced this similar situation and when I confronted my husband - all hell broke loose. Men can get away with anything but if a woman does it - all eyes are on her.

    I hope you won't take this otherwise - if so, pls forgive me.

    Annette
     
  6. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I perfectly understand your feeling infact 99.9%of all woman do and all of us experience something similar in our lives ,but most wouldnt want to confess for fear of ruffling feathers. Sometimes women adopt a selective blindness syndrome where there deliberately avoid seeing the reality of the situation. Like one of our friends here mentioned women are highly intuitive and we must go by them ,moreoften than not there is no smoke without fire.

    Any relation is based on trust and respect and respect also involves display of emotions in public. If you think that your spouse is displaying a lot of affection to your sister then its high time to nip it in the bud. But do so tactfully . Firstly meet your sister and tell her about an inexistant friend that this particular person tries to get too close to your husband for comfort .Tell her how you are considering breaking off your relation with this friend for the simple reason that she is trying to create trouble in your paradise. Dont waste a lot of time thinking what to do . You might end up losing something precious and remember what is yours is yours to protect and do everything to protect your sanctious relationship.

    Devika Menon
     
  7. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    hi

    i was just passing by and reading this blog ad the comments.Both are sensible.

    I know of a case where the sister ran away wih the jijaji.I am not scarng u, but well this is life.

    I feel the attraction will always be there between saali and jijajee.Forbidden sweets are always sweeter.

    As everyone suggested, bring this to the notice of yr sister first,and she should understand Not a major issue, but better to speak to her and sort it out.

    Regards.kamal
     
  8. rkalpana

    rkalpana New IL'ite

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    Dear Radhika,

    May be yr husband or yr sister doesnt have anything in mind....but still its better to talk to yr husband...this is such a matter that u should handle it with care...orelse relationship will get spoiled...speak to yr husband whatever u have in yr mind clearly...but carefully...o.k. dont worry..

    with luv

    rkalpana
     
  9. yginca

    yginca New IL'ite

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    Hi Radhika, I hope I am not too late posting my response to your question. My brother-in-law was very nice to me also. I was 19 ( eons ago) and didn't think that all the jokes and touches from him were harmful, because I am an outgoing person and have five brothers and joking around men is natural to me. One summer when my sister was upstairs and my parents were out of town, he cornered me in the kitchen from behind and tried to take advantage of me. It took me a lot of physical strength to escape, he kept saying' you know you want it'. For a 19 year old in 1969, I had no idea what he was talking about. When my sister found out about this he told her that I was the one flirting with him and my sister blamed me too.
    Reading most of the responses to you everyone seems to point finger at your sister, but it is your husband who is older who should know better.
    I know this is a sensitive difficult situation, it depends on how strong your relationship is and how you communicate with your husband.
    If I were you I would talk to both of them together, they might deny it at first but if they love you enough they will be more careful in the future.
    I feel for you, good luck.
    YYG.
     
  10. rohinis

    rohinis New IL'ite

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    I sense some feeling of insecurity here and jealousy here.

    If your sister is this "friendly" and close with every male friend that she has then its just a normal behaviour on her part. If not you need to give her a hint.

    Saali is adhi gharwali. So she is just playing her part :).

    Don't assume that your husband is flirting. Maybe your sister gives him room and entices him to do things.

    Talk to your husband about it after a good night's rest.
     
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