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Husband Flirting ...am I exaggerating

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by radhika4m, Nov 14, 2007.

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  1. radhika4m

    radhika4m New IL'ite

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    I have a unique problem...I think my husband flirts a little with my younger sister, she is just 21. They are very friendly and all, and I have no problems with that. But I sometimes get a feeling my husband touches her inappropiately. They hug, he would put his hands on her shoulder, she wud sit tight behind him on motorcycle etc.....

    She has never complained and is always very happy to visit us. I feel very odd to bring this up with my sister or my husband. I feel I might embarass myself and spoil the happy relationship between my husband and my family.

    I am not sure if my husband does it with bad intentions and if my sister likes it and therefore never complains or if it is nothing and my mind is just cooking up something

    Do you think I am over exaggerating, or is it something i should address.

    Please help because I have mixed feelings about this every second and dont know what to do
     
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  2. Tulasi

    Tulasi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Radhika,
    I don't feel this is normal. your sister is not small kid. also joking and talking friendly is very different from touching..Please talk with your sister and tell her that she should not behave like that..This is only my opinion
    Tulasi
     
  3. yamusarna

    yamusarna Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Radhika,

    I agree with Tulasi.....,yet the situation is complicated...It is your sister and Husband we are talking of.......
    But I would also say that, you know best in the situation. Is your sister generally outgoing and friendly with guys? I have seen that, for girl who have a lot of male friends, touching is just something physical, just a gesture and has no significance. I have seen, and observed this a lot......
    Also, how about your Husband? You can probably bring up this with him, in a jovial way, or when he is in a good mood........

    Just try hinting your sister.......I somehow feel, that if you tell her directly, she may get hurt if the feeling is genuine, and if it is otherwise(Which I sincerely hope,it must not be),she will not admit it to you......

    If you have a friend who can talk for you, tell her to talk to your sister.You can also discuss with some close relative of yours,like mother or aunt, and ask them to ask her, about this.....

    Foremost, it must be as if it is coming from you. It must be as if they observed her, and felt that the way she conducts herself in your husband´s company is unappropriate.

    You can try talking to your husband, when you feel the time is good. Again, I would say be subtle, for your own sake...

    Hope, I did not end up confusing you more than you already are....

    Regards,

    Yamuna.
     
  4. Bhooma

    Bhooma Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi

    Just look at it in the positive way..

    why should you take hugging in the negative sense ... a hug is the most beautiful form of greeting ... it conveys more than what a few words can say .

    Your sister is just 21. Even a gap of two years is "generation gap" these days .. To her , touching and hugging maybe as natural as talking .

    Try to be positive . I am sure everything will soon be alright

    All the best

    Bhooma
     
  5. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi radhika,

    I believe in a woman's intuition. If you are not liking the touching and hugging between yr sister and husband, you are not liking it...

    If I were you, I would speak to my sister about it.

    It had happened once to a friend of mine, who then went and had a quiet talk with her sister. She told her sister that there might be nothing in any body's mind, but it would be better if she didn't hug or touch her jijaji too much...she told her that everybody is very possessive of their husband's and even she would be when she is married...asked her to respect her feelings and not take it otherwise...

    It worked for my friend btw.

    Yes, the sister will feel bad for a while, but she'll get over it.

    Hope this helps.
     
  6. kolli143

    kolli143 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Radhika,

    I totally agree with Aarushi. I have two younger sisters myself and I can totally see where you are coming from.

    Its better to talk to your sister rather than your husband. What you have between sisters is usually an unconditional love. If you tell her in a heart felt way as opposed to make it seem like blaming her, I am sure she will understand. Even though she does not in the beginning, she will slowly see the point that upseting you does not make her happy either.

    So find a lone good time with your little sis and get it out.

    Its best for you and best for her too.

    Good Luck
    Swathi
     
  7. pia123

    pia123 New IL'ite

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    Hi Radhika
    I totally agree with Swathi. She is right, sister's love is unconditional . So do not take it to your husband, atleast not yet. Deal with your sister. Even it conveys only something ,or not convey anything at all, irrespective, why should you witness this when you do not like it, and on the top you should force yourself to thing there is nothing to worry, though truth being it or not. I think intention or otherwise, when it hurts you it has to stop. May be you should take charge of the situation. So, you may deal this with your sister only for now. Cook up some story, that you met your friend in the market whom your sister doesn't know and she was crying to you saying that her own sister, crossed the limits and behaved badly with your firned's husband. Add your emotions to the situation and explain to her the after-math of the situation. How bad everyone who would be hurt, your friend, her husabnd, her sister ,sister's family and her sister's kids if any and so on. EMPHAISISE THAT, HAD IT BEEN YOU, HOW YOU WOULD NOT TOLERATE IT AT ALL. By this you will let her think, and even when it was not intentional, she will be hesistant to ride with your husand, exchange hugs. If you notice these, then you have nothing to worry from your sister's side for sure. If these still continues, then you have really something substantial to worry about and you may have to advance your approach to the next level.
    Radhika, your decision should be of something after your brainstormed any of our ideas/suggestions. As you know your situation better, think through and act. Good luck to you.
    And I hope and pray,that you will come out of this situation with smile, that you really worried for nothing and things are cool and smooth a usual.

    regards
    pia
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2007
  8. MeenLoch

    MeenLoch Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I found the replies so reasonable. I have loads of cousins and sometimes get jealous when my husband even talks to them...My elder cousins allow conversation with their husbands, but limited...I did tell my husband and he would be like 'they are kids after all' or he would be like ' they talk well' or 'he simply avoids'. I dont give any chance for him to interact much, not tht I dont trust, but just to avoid such circumstances which make me feel uncomfortable.

    Ur feeling is so natural..I am not sure how mature or sportive ur husband or sister are to know and address you are discomfort, but hint them as all others are saying...Who knows maybe he sees her as a kid or if it otherwise ( i dont hope tht earnestly), u ll know it pretty easily...
    But it is a situation like a cloth struck on thorn. Take it out carefully. No impulsive steps..And do not affirm such feelings( For ex. Dont say bluntly tht u feel he flirts) , I mean with all due respect , I somehow feel men like hearing from someone about their flirtations....It s like I am still likeable and attractive and fun to be with etc etc....
    Also take into consideration the fact that the current generation sees hugging or travelling on bike as a casual thing. Make your mother or someone very close deal with this.
    And some harmless flirting or stares that men give to women is very normal. Dont let tht stress u or cause concern....Men are like that...They see or flirt in many places, but can Love only one woman...Uncomplicated !
     
  9. padmavathi m

    padmavathi m Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Radhika,

    Every relationship should have boundaries. Since this is a very very sensitive thing to talk to your sister, you need to be a bit careful to deal with this.

    Initially u jus tell her that u r feeling bad when she hugs your husband. Definitely as a sister she should understand and value your feelings. Give her some time a weeks time she will change. You will be successful in doing this .

    Try it.

    Love
    Padma
     
  10. radhika4m

    radhika4m New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your responses. I think I will talk to my sister next time she comes over.

    I have seem girls and guys openly hugging and getting close, I dont know if they dont feel anything, or they feel it and thats y they do it ......when I was in college shaking hands with guys was a only thing that happened.

    I was a little scared to speak to her on such a topic initially but now I will talk anyways. I just hope she doesnt get mad and tell my husband about it. If that happens I will lose both the people I love in one shot because of something silly which may not even be happening.

    Thanks all again
    Radhika
     
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