OP, You have endured a lot no question. It seems like your life is a rollercoaster- lot of ups and downs in spite of your best efforts. So just as a precaution, since his moods and behavior can change without warning I suggest you start documenting some of the things you are undergoing. If you are contributing have proof, if he’s drinking a lot save the receipts or some other way to show his excesses. Keep a paper trail and keep it quietly ... do not slip up and warn him you are doing this in a fit of anger. Keep this with you and keep adding to it... just in case. While it is true that courts tend to award joint custody that’s contingent on a lot of things. No court will give custody of small children to an alcoholic, I can assure you. And they are not stupid just to take his word for it if he denies, he has to go for medical tests and also psychological evaluations for both of you to check for fitness to parent (suppose for eg., you guys have a fight, he’s drunk and threatening you, police are called) so don’t be afraid to seek help. Even if he was not a drunk, even if it’s sober person with anger problem or domestic violence incident they do all the above as a matter of procedure, this much I do know. And he has to show proof and jump through lot of hoops before they will increase his custody ratio. I’m just mentioning all this for your information. So that you understand that in our society unlike India you do have options. For example did you know he doesn’t actually have to slap you or beat you or for you have marks on you to charge him with assault or battery? Please read up on what is considered the charge of ‘assault’ and the charge of ‘battery’ in your county or state. It will open your eyes. It certainly opened mine. Did you know that even spitting on someone is considered battery and threatening to do so is considered assault? If he ‘could’ have, even if he didn’t he can be charged - all you have to state to the officer is that you felt threatened and endangered. I got this info directly from a police sergeant in my town in a class I attended so I‘m not just speculating here. Please, please read up on these. These laws are made for our safety but so many Indian women go through so much just because of their ignorance. They simply don’t know or just assume all is same like it is back in India or as shown in Indian movies. I’m writing all this to make you realize you do have options, that if you ask for help and get help you don’t automatically become the bad guy who broke your home, you can even make a condition that he goes to rehab and gets treatment for his addiction, you will reconsider and take steps to reunite - so many options are there. It’s not like you pull the trigger and everything gets shattered.