Husband doesn't want me to spend for us

Re: Cant we help it?

I was in India for 4 yrs after my marriage and now here for 2 1/2 yrs.When we were there too,the story was the same.Now also,it has not changed.

 

Re: Cant we help it?

Nice Ilagandhi, instead of just speaking ourself (NRIs), it is better if we get the views of our relatives in India. So, ILs in India, please pour your views in this regard. We cannot ask our relatives instead we can get your views. We earn here in $ and spend here in $ only. Relatives in India thinks that we save lakhs in every month. My hubby is in USA for more than 14 yrs, he is a good position still he could save around $2000, if any unexpected expense, that too gone. How can we explain this to each and every relatives in India?

 

Re: Cant we help it?

We have discussed this already here: http://www.indusladies.com/forums/marriage-spouse-and-in-laws/7142-who-spends-money-if-u.html

 

Re: Cant we help it?

Sunitha,

Thank you so much for bringing the our thread to our attention. I did go through it and it had a smiliar theme as the one above. You guys may really get mad at me but I would still like to understand why this happens. Perhaps if we understood why this expectation exists, it may make it easy on our trips back home.

OR

we have an option to change the practice going forward. There has to be a plan to share and share alike. Afterall, we get plenty of visitors from India to our international locations. Is it and expectation for us to pick up the tab when relatives come visiting? Can we use this site to learn how to gently change this expectation so that going forward it is a shared expense depending on means, closeness and pleasure of doing things for friends, close family and relatives.

My biggest expectations in participating on this site is to learn from everyone in how to become a better human being. Here is one issue with which we can all make the difference. What say you all.

 

Re: Cant we help it?

Hi guys !
I find this thread quite interesting but I have nothing to write from my experience because my FIL is retired and we used to send money for my FIL and MIL, so we can't expect anything from them. And for my parents, they are so sad that they could not spend anything on me all these years, so they had already started buying things for me (I am visiting India this November). About relatives, probably I never give a damn to them (except my brother/cousins, as they are younger to me). I really don't like people asking for things for the sake of having them, and I prefer to be a little strict in handling those people.
Now, about my husband, touch wood, he is the best and just same for me and for himself. The funniest thing is that he used to insist on buying things and I used to keep the things back on the rack. And in my family, the reverse is always true that I am the one who is strict about spending money on useless things.
Probably, as all said, you guys need a little discussion about the budget for a year and this will make life easier when you visit some places, not only in India but also places in USA.
Take Care.
Meeta

 

Re: Cant we help it?

hi Lakshmi,
Don't feel bad. It is water under the bridge.
Like Ria says, make ur husband the "Finance Minister" of ur home. My hubby manages our finances. Starting from my paycheck direct deposit. He knows how mcuh I earn down to hte dollar1 He manages my 401k, shares... blah...blah.. blah..! When we went to India, I got an idea from him how much we have... I told my plans ...(jewellery Of Course!) .. and asked if we could manage the other expenses in what was left ... in other words, told him we have to manage with what is left! that's what we did!
My father says, even if you want to throw away money, keep a count on it! we keep a detailed account. we don't mind spending on parents and siblings. but if my BIL's in-laws plan to take a vacation at my expense, they'd better think again!
So, plan, plan, plan.....:wave
Regards,
Sharada