husband doesn't talk with me

pinky2cute · Sep 19, 2015

@gankita ... as others suggested, you need to connect with him to explore his feelings. Ask him what can you do for him so as to have happy talks like normal couple than just formal talks.

yellowmango · Sep 19, 2015

Ankita...when you skype with him,think of it as a date.
Don't just take it as a call .Get ready for it ,.Wear clothes that make you feel and look good. Make your hair and put on some kajal and lip gloss.....just something you would do if you were going out.Nothing too much. If you feel good,it will show in your talks with him .If you look pleasant ,he will want to stay on the call longer.

Same with the baby. Call when the baby is happy and ready to indulge in small chit chat...not when the baby is ready for food or sleep.

gankita · Sep 19, 2015

When i come on skype, he would talk with my kid , a little abt me and then quite.

It seems he is not interested at all. i send him msg miss-
he will send miss u too.

If i said -our talks are formal, he will says, he thinks so.
that's it???:bang

If he felt, why is he not concerned?
why doesn't he feel lonely without us.
why doesn't he feel the pain by not talking as do i?
on holidays, why don't he talk when i call,, instead he seems interested in watching tv

gankita · Sep 20, 2015

Today i talked with him.
i said we have been having formal talks and its us who have to sort out things.

He said- when he feels like talking, he talks, when he doesn't he don't talk.
he don't feel like talking to me.

songbird46 · Sep 20, 2015

The more you complain the more it will be a chore for him.
Try and do what others have suggested here. Stop analyzing it to him every time. He is getting bored with your neediness. Hide it. When he calls, YOU cut the call abruptly but with laughter, brightly, happily. Say you want to watch a movie or are going out or are going to play/teach a new game with your kid. Leave him to ask the questions. Dress up for Skype sessions and be charming and flirtatious.
Keep the control in your hands.

You are angry with him. Good. Use the anger to motivate you to get what you want, which is his attention. Tantalize, tease, and taunt him lovingly. Laugh at him. Intrigue him. When you are strong he will like that strength and come after you. Try it instead of whining to yourself.

If it still doesn't work, come back to us. But please do try it first.

Good luck.

yellowmango · Sep 20, 2015

gankita said: ↑

When i come on skype, he would talk with my kid , a little abt me and then quite.
Then you talk.
It seems he is not interested at all. i send him msg miss-
he will send miss u too.
That is the answer for "I miss u"...that is what most people do.

If i said -our talks are formal, he will says, he thinks so.
that's it???:bang
Why do you keep nagging him about formal talks...why don't you tell him what is happening to your life and your kids life ?

If he felt, why is he not concerned?Some people don't express well
why doesn't he feel lonely without us.How do you know that? What is the option? Does he have the option to come back and get job here? Does he have the option of calling you to his place since you have problems that you have written about earlier.
why doesn't he feel the pain by not talking as do i?May be he feels ,may be he doesn't .People are different.
on holidays, why don't he talk when i call,, instead he seems interested in watching tv
Click to expand...

Op....you don't seem to understand and have unrealistic expectations.
You don't have an expressive husband.
Your marriage is not perfect...infact you both don't seem to be a close couple .
Your marriage is past the early marriage infatuation stage that separation will cause heart pangs.

So why do you have such high expectations of a loving long distance relationship?I know it is what you desire ,but it is unrealistic .You are only setting yourself up for heartbreak .Be realistic and then work on your relationship.

Don't expect change to happen in the next call. You may have to work on this for months before you see any change.

You do the talking,without expecting equal participation. Involve him in your day today happenings and your baby's day to day happening.

During festival...show him the decorations on skype.If you do Pooja...Keep him on skype ....make him do pooja with you.

Festival season is coming. Tell baby to make card for him. Show him the preparations. Try to celebrate with him.
Same with birthdays and new year celebrations.
Try it for sometime Ankita....don't expect too much. Even if he doesn't respond the way you want,remember your child is interacting with father. There is no loss here.

Sorry if I am a bit frank.But if you nag him,you will only be disappointed.

Cheers and best wishes.
Hope things improve in the following festive season.

gankita · Sep 21, 2015

I never nag him. I just asked him why is he so formal since long.
It seems he is annoyed that i am not settled in my career. He wants my parents shd set up home for us in different city.(he says we can take home loan and he will send some money). We don't have much savings neither do my parents. I told my mom my expectations but can't force them.

I asked him u said u won't come for i.v in India so was worried abt our future.
He said- did i forced u to come to U.S?
I said if u wont say to join me n i wont say u to join u then how will it work?
he wants i shd get settled in India. May be he is right but it can't happen so quick.
he nned to understand nothing is in my hands , i am trying.
i need to have his support.
may be that was the reason he stopped talking to me.
but its not fair

My in-laws keeps nagging me

Ragini25 · Sep 22, 2015

One of those threads where OP is communicating on a different cognitive plane, and the advisers are communicating on a different cognitive plane. Not sure if I can see the potential for an intersect.

Ankita - pls try to join him where he resides, I dont think you and him can work it out otherwise.

1Sandhya · Sep 22, 2015

gankita said: ↑

I never nag him. I just asked him why is he so formal since long.
It seems he is annoyed that i am not settled in my career. He wants my parents shd set up home for us in different city.(he says we can take home loan and he will send some money). We don't have much savings neither do my parents. I told my mom my expectations but can't force them.

I asked him u said u won't come for i.v in India so was worried abt our future.
He said- did i forced u to come to U.S?
I said if u wont say to join me n i wont say u to join u then how will it work?
he wants i shd get settled in India. May be he is right but it can't happen so quick.
he nned to understand nothing is in my hands , i am trying.
i need to have his support.
may be that was the reason he stopped talking to me.
but its not fair

My in-laws keeps nagging me
Click to expand...

Now you are getting to the crux of the matter. What do your in laws keep nagging you about?

vaidehi71 · Sep 22, 2015

OP.
Sorry unable to follow you.
Initially seems like dh personality problem.
Now seems settling in different country problem.
Then in laws problem.
Can you point which is the main issue concerning you.
From what you have written best options as others suggested is to join your dh. To maintain long distance in relationship when you have troubles in marriage is not going to be solved at all. that is opinion.