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husband doesn't talk with me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by gankita, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. gankita

    gankita Silver IL'ite

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    Iam here again venting!!
    I am right now in India and my dh is in U.S. From the very first day our marriage was fixed, he seldom calls or msg me.
    After marriage , he was doing phd and that's the reason he said he is very stressed and talks less. He has been very bookworm, not at all socially interactive and can spend unlimited time over laptop surfing.

    Slwly, i accepted the fact he is very introvet n its his nature. I have to push him to talk, go out etc.

    Now i am in India. Even on his off days, he won't call me. If he calls, will talk to son for a while n when i come to skype or phone he will talk for a min or 2, then keeps quiet. he doesn't have anything to say. I will talk n then he will
    "aur kya chal raha hai"
    My relatives says, its me who is dragging the relation. If he is ignoring u. u too ignore.
    He is at home during holidays. doesn't go out. If i call, he will say i am planing to watch movie, read book etc.

    I keep waiting the whole day.
    Sometimes feel like ending this relationship. been dragged for so long.
     
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  2. valase

    valase New IL'ite

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    OP,
    I feel your pain! you mention that he is like this since the day you got married. That means 'it is his personality'! He's not going to change over time and be the affectionate husband you want him to be. Move on if you have the resources and support system to care for yourself and your son. If not, learn to seek solace from supportive friends and family. Either way, don't waste your time expecting what you are not going to get.
    All the best
    ~valase
     
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  3. sonal1611

    sonal1611 Gold IL'ite

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    Hey,
    If someones basic nature is introvert .. u cant change it.. its good if u accept that nature..
    If he is talking less , u dont have reason to opt for any drastic step..
     
  4. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    i think you dont have anything common between both of you to talk.That is the reason of disconnect.How about doing something together.If he is that introvert and loves movies and book do you think you can read same book together or watch same movie together?that will increase bonding.
     
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  5. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kinda silly to blame his basic nature after agreeing to marry him since he is consistently been an introvert or quiet. So stop blaming him. You made the decision to marry as well.
     
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  6. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    He seems to be an introvert and he is very much content with his 'own' life.
    It is high time for him to realize that he is married and he has some duties and responsibilities to his partner and child.

    But I don't think that he is deliberately avoiding you. He is just immersed in ''his'' routine activities. You both couldn't connect each other so far. Being together for all these years, you should be able to identify some common interests. Plan some trips / vacation so that you can break him from his
    activities. Spend some quality time together.
     
  7. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel the same as all of the friends have told. Just find out the books he is interested or maybe he likes if you talk about your son. I feel that should be the common interest for both of you. Ask him suggestions about him or share things that he does.
     
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  8. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    If its his core basic nature (which it appears to be), its gonna be a futile exercise to change another person. That will be like banging head against the wall expecting it to move it 2 feet as a result.
     
  9. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Why are you in India? Join your husband soon
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    What do you say in response to that? How much percent of your response is upbeat, positive and light, and how much is venting about your job struggle, and child's school stuff?

    You have relatives. He is presumably living alone. And missing the child. Probably not very interested in cooking for just one person too and eats whatever is in fridge. Returns from work to an empty silent house, that remains silent on weekend too?

    Maybe he also feels the same, and hence keeping the conversation minimal and up-up kind.
     
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