Husband Does Not Want Sex

Ladies,

To give a little background, we are married for about 10 years. Initially I suffered from vaginismus (scared of penetrative sex) and it took us for a very long time to overcome it. My husband was very patient with me during those times and I am forever grateful for that.

Coming to the current problem, for the past 1 year we do not have penetrative sex. I have always had a higher drive that my DH. Whenever I initiate, we indulge in a lot of foreplay, he finishes for me by other activity but then he does not want to finish. He always says he is tired. Initially it did not bother me, cos I thought he would do it whenever he wanted it. But its been almost a year and he still doesnt want it.

I know he gets hard during foreplay, and he is completely involved. But whats happening with him? I dont understand and it has started bothering me.

I'd understand if its only penetration he is not interested in, but he he does not finish at all.

When I try to talk to him about it, he just says he is tired. How can a man go right back to sleep after so much foreplay and me finishing, I dont get it?

What am I missing? Pls advise ladies. Its really bothering me so much.

 

@lavani
Thanks for the suggestion. I looked up symptoms of low testosterone and he has all the symptoms. I am concerned how to suggest it to him, donno how he will take it.

@Rihana
Thanks for your response. It is not the penetrative sex that I miss, it is the feeling of being desired that I miss. I think I feel like may be he does not feel attracted to me any more, and hence the lack of interest.

I agree with you it is important for my husband to feel it as a problem to seek medical help. But he doesn't think of it as a problem.

 

Thank you @hrasto for your response.
1. He has been complaining about body pain for some time. But he does indulge in sports activities on weekends.
2. No stress at work, sure about that as he just recently started new job and is only undergoing training.
3. Just us and our kid. It has always been like that.

Could be hormone issues, as he suddenly gained lot of weight, always tired, and gets irritated easily. I am looking for the right opportunity to talk to him about getting a complete bloodwork.

It was bothering me cos I was thinking it was something to do with me, but after reading the responses here I feel like there is prolly a health related concern. I am in no hurry, I'll talk to him at the right time. I don't wanna nag him about it.

 

Update:
Talked to my husband a month back and he shared he is much more focussed on his job and lost interest in sex these days. He said he has moved on and all he wants to do right now is earn more money. He has been travelling a lot lately for work and really pushing himself to excel at work. I was okay with the explanation.

Last week he shared that he went to a strip club with his friends. Now my insecurity is back, like why he would wanna go to a strip club if he says he truly lost interest in sex? I know he has gone a few times before and I never cared about it. I know he only watches and I was okay with that. But now I feel so disturbed. I didnt share with him that it is disturbing me.

What should I do now? Should I share how I feel with him or keep it to myself? Otherwise he is still perfect with everything else at home, got us surprise XMas gifts, showered so much love whenever he visits us, but man why I am being so insecure! Suggestions pls ladies...

 

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