Husband does not want me to go to my parents house.

Visiting your parents is your responsibility.....just like your husband have his responsibility towards his parents....what your husband is telling you that his home is your home and you should not visit to your parents so frequently, these values are very old and unfair towards women.....now a days there are women who take responsibility of parents and their men help them out.....
Their are men who don't want to come out of old setup which favors them, hence they try to teach these values to women.....
You should try to convince your husband that your parents are your responsibility as they have given birth to you and did exactly the same sacrifices in bringing you up as his parents did for him.....while he lives with his parents for 24/7, you at least can visit once a week to your parents....tell him that society is changing .....now people don't discriminate between son and daughter, so discrimination can't be done when it comes to take responsibilities.....
I hope he will understand your point to some extent if you keep repeating this.....don't project that your situation is different hence you are taking these visits.....make it a normal thing which happens in every other house and he is the one who is differing from modern world and want to get stucked in age old values.....

 

The most practical and real-life and OP-situation-appropriate reply in this thread. Nice one Rih

 

Hi OP

I dont see anything wrong in tactically bending some traditional rules laid down by joint families. If you have to follow every single traditional rule set by your hubby's family then you might never be able to live your life the way you want to. In the traditional set up there are certain hard rules that inlaws expect DILs to follow but these were practiced years ago when women weren't as educated or independent. That is a different time. Now we are educated, free thinking and open minded and we feel the need to take care of our parents and there's nothing wrong in that. These grooms families want educated, well earning girls but they expect them to follow their ridiculous traditions and not visit their own parents because its not their family blah blah. That's just ridiculous. As someone said if you are visiting your folks on weekends when its hubby and your time then shift it to during the week maybe when your hubby's at work etc. Try to be tactical with this situation but be firm.

My cousin is a lawyer and has work cut out for her but still makes time to visit her parents (same city as her in-laws) everyday. She stays with in-laws and they initially didn't like her visiting her folks every week. they would complain, keep long faces, gossip to outsiders etc but now its been 10 years she still continues her routine and they are over it. They have also seen how well she takes care of her diabetic MIL and have understood that her care extends equally to both set of families.

Explain to your hubby that they are both your parents and he should be understanding of that and feel the same way. Be firm and tactful.

 

Well said..

 

With all those advice cum suggestions from members, what you ultimately did and win your battle with dh?
Now eight years gone by and things and equations might hv changed. For the benefit of young ladies of IL may benefit from the narration of how you managed eventually keep meeting your parents.

In 2016you wrote mil was nice but a tad aggressive & passive. They are still alive according to you recent thread of yesterday . Now in laws are 74 & 83. For 18 years after marriage still you are writing here about MIL . Still MIL ridicules humiliates and accord step motherly treatment in front of strangers or relatives and your kids.

You must think in terms of smart acts. Whenever similar scene enacted by your MIL, You must boldly but politely ask the visitor would they do the same humiliation of their DIL and how they feel if their own daughter insulted by their MIL.
A DIL called her friends frequently home and in front of them she ordered her MIL to do this and that. Then MIL began getting brick bats from neighbours. That put her in her place. That brought the much needed amelioration.