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Husband Does Not Understand

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sangeeta85, May 7, 2018.

  1. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    My husband just believes everyone which is good but the bad part is his parents .. his mom lies and he just agrees but my probl is his parents just gets out all information of us as family and not tell any of theirs .i mean to say where are we going what are we doing..the worst is they are asking questions to my son .since we are moving to another place Fil is asking bunch of question to my son did u look houses did u see schools and then when he spoke to my dh nothing .this my husband does not get it this is just an example that happened yesterday .. dh does not ask or try to get their info abt stuff they r doing ..they get ours and tell bil but never tell about them to us because mil wants to show bil n cosis what will happen if they get mad at us so as an example .same is his bro he keeps asking so many questions n wen I tell my husband ask him his bro answer is no nothing or just 2 word answer ...
    How to tell my husband not to give away all info when they do not tell us anything ..This is not just issue from days before it’s from long time and they do this all the time so I do not feel ..I have already told dh once y do u say everything wennthey don’t but he just does not get it or forgets or just pretends ..

    ..mil n Fil had gone to trip never told us anything and still wants to us to call them even wen they r on trip ..

    I m so tired of these ppl and tired fighting ..
     
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  2. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Cannot help these kinds of Hs. Only time answers bcoz if we say that they will have a bad impression on us only. Let them say. If problem arises then let them face.
     
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  3. NishanthNN

    NishanthNN New IL'ite

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    :unamused:
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    What is the problem of giving information to your relatives?
    These are harmless information, I guess like what are you doing, where are you going.
    If your H is open type, then let him share. If your PILs and BIL are closed type, then let them hide it.
    Nothing is going to harm you by sharing these info.
    Now a days people post publicly in FB about everything happening in their life. So, sharing the same with relatives is nothing.

    I would be upset if the secret info or private messages were shared openly with others.. like our bank PW, pregnancy or certain private decisions before we are ready to disclose.
    In that case, please ask your H to consult with you prior disclosing such matters that is linked to you.

    My PILs are equally closed ones and they believe others will curse or keep evil eyes if they share their info.
    Therefore, they mostly keep mum or share one line info or lie.
    When my co-sis was pregnant, MIL didn't want that to be shared with others. So, when we asked her about the same, MIL made her lie, and say it was her fat belly.
    A month later she miscarried the baby and regretted a lot for telling everyone a lie about her pregnancy.
    She is still childless 5 years since that experience.

    Similarly, when BIL went to Bruney on a work visa, MIL didn't want to reveal the same to us.
    We are just her son's family. So, imagine how much she would share with others.
    She said he went there to meet his friend, and will return soon.
    As she said, he returned in 1 month after having some problems there. He had to cancel his work visa and lose his medical (doctor) job there.

    Looks like your PILs and MIL are afraid of you; hence sharing nothing about their life. Let them feel the same and face the reality.
    But be open and fearless.
     
    sindmani and Sangeeta85 like this.
  5. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    I know it’s very small things to disclose but same time the bigger stuff yoo They don’t tell us at all ..
    Mil does not believe in evil eye very strong minded person n stubborn ..she frankly tells to everyone what did they purchase .... it’s just to show me and even my husband that we don’t like to tell u guys or tell u at very last ..mil n Fil purchased the apartment which was still construction one that was told to us by bil ..bcz my dh n bil were mad of Fil getting construction and takes a while so my h called this parents but I told him do not ask the purchase but talk abt apartments n house n let them tell u they did not tell him n wen bil might have said them he had told us they say just took it few days back .. so I m angry y should we share wen mil does not ..this is like one thing there are many things like this
     
  6. bron

    bron Silver IL'ite

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    when you are unhappy about something you need to come out straight..look you should 1st think what your problem is
    is that your hubby passing info to your mil or is it you dont get any infos back?
    are you ok to share yours if you get back something from them? then you to ask them ..you pitch inand ask them everythjng you want to know ..
    if you dont want to share anything tell upfront to your husband to stop sharing..tell him you dont like all info going there..thats it..there is nothing wrong in telling in straight fwd way..i told my husband at one extent to stop sharing everything told him this is our family and we need something for ourself to keep it to oirself and no need to report eveythig to your family..
     
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  7. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    I myself dont share info with all the people .I choose whom to share and whom not to .Thats because of past experiences i had with them .May be your inlaws are sharing info with the rest of the world and not just you two ( including their son) because of some trigger point /some exp they had in the past.

    Coming to them asking questions and enquiring about your wherabouts, while it happens in every house hold its all about understanding between you and your dh on what to share and what not to share? If you cant have a control on what DH says we cant control behaviour of extended family like in laws .JMO.
     
  8. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    The experience they had is me not giving info abt us once since they were doing it I did so she is doing more and more and one big reason is to show younger cosis that if they mess with them they will act how they are acting with us.. I got to know by cosis since she told me saying mil said that to them .
    Very true if I can’t control my husband how can I say anything to other but how many times to tell my h not too..
    also inlaws should know what to ask n what not to .. they are questioning my kid now all the stuff .. how to stop these ppl . God I just hate them ..
     
  9. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    I have told him not to say but he will keep answering them even his younger bro does it but he will answer does not ask them back or stop.. bil does it just diverts the topic or says nothing I m done with these ppl..
     
  10. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    I don’t mind tell what we did or even going to do but in so many years they not treating us as family then y should I .. I am stressed with all horrible things done by my mil n Fil cosis bil so I cant anymore ..
     

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