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Husband Does Not Like My Relatives.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rdheiva, Nov 19, 2021.

  1. rdheiva

    rdheiva Senior IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    My husband is against relations, both his and mine,but his side relatives mostly dont visit us, but when once my cousin family wanted to visit us, he said he dont like them and doesn't want them at home , he openly told, so I had to avoid them and it has been so many weeks, out of guilt, I couldn't speak to them.. I m very outgoing, and would like to build relation, if he keeps me in a position like this, no use of giving hope to everyone, so I am not at all speaking to any relatives nowadays.. I have been married for 13.5 years now
     
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  2. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    13.5yrs!!! Cant change him nor can you expect.
    Mistake you did - cutting off relations due to him not liking it! - you are an adult. None should control you whom you should speak to or meet!

    What you can do now? - tell your husband openly that all these years you listened to him out of respect and love but you cant lose your relations with others. He needs to respect your space. Tell him you wont invite them home if he doesn't like but you will go out n meet them.

    Yes, if you cant invite, go out n meet them. But be honest with your husband else he might blame you for hiding & meeting, further causing problems in your married life.

    Start by speaking to them in his absence first...then slowly start speaking on phone over few mins on imp days like wishing on bdays or anniv etc infront of him. Then lateron you can start being your normal self i.e. call your relatives often, go to their house or meet them outside.
    By then your husband would have accpeted the fact that he can't n shouldn't control you.

    Btw, why this extreme hatred towards both sets of relatives though?
     
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  3. rdheiva

    rdheiva Senior IL'ite

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    Who knows.. btw I forgot to mention, the said incident happened just recently.. after 13.5 years. .. I do wish people on their important days over phone and speak well... after this incident I feel guilty to speak to them and then I stopped speaking
     
  4. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    Don't give in - he may not like his or your relatives - but YOU do. So please maintain a cordial relationship with all relatives. DO not let his nature control your household.

    My husband specifically doesn't like my own blood - including my own brother, and my own parents. He hates them so much that he keeps asking me what my brother and mom talk about him in whatsapp groups, we must be talking about him or complaining about him etc. He also keeps us to hit and discpline my nephews for absolutely no reason (they are 2 and 5 year old)


    He is so afraid of visiting my parents or direct family (real brother) , that every time we visit them, he will ask his parents also to accompany, even if it is for an occasion like raksha bandhan. Husband liking my other relatives is a distant dream when he can't even accept my own real family. N he keeps saying that now you are married, forget them. He did not even visit my home for 7 months when my father passed away despite living just 12 km away. HE finally visited when his parents visited (and he visited ONLY because his parents visited).

    We don't have kids yet, but when we do - i wonder what he will tell my kids about my relatives.
     
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  5. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    who knows is not right. you should have a calm talk about why. it could be insecurities about him feeling that you might not respect him.

    my dh was used to feel too proud to talk in beginning of marriage , it even continued for 5 , 6 years. after kids and slowly when he realized that he is my first priority he began to open up. now he is more happy when my mum comes, since he gets to live like a king during that 6 months.

    Also a recent anger outburst could be due to lot of reasons, so let that go.
     
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  6. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    If after 13.5yrs you are saying this "who knows".... Then i think no point in cribbing about his attitude. Either you ignore n live like this rest of your life or divorce him. Because without knowing the root cause, you cant ever find a solution.
     
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  7. svpriya

    svpriya Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    My husband also hates my parents and my brother. I have been married for 10 years and in the past years i had visited my parents only a few times... Whenever he comes with me to visit my parents, he complaints everytime about my father that his behaviour is hurting his selfrespect... Since he is a HR he always use to notice the body language of the opposite person... But my father is a very sweet person me, my family, my relatives, friends, neighbors everyone like him very much... He is unaware of this problem.. I had never heard a negative comment from anyone since my childhood till now except my husband... Its been a year i visited my parents... Because of him i am in a state to control all my feelings on my parents and my hometown... My father loves my husband very much but he won't show it... There is no intention or need for him to hurt his son in law...But my husband is not willing to come my parents home so that i couldn't go there... There is no misunderstanding between me and my hubby except this topic.. I don't know how to solve this!!!
     
  8. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    You cant force him to meet your relatives but you can't let him control your actions either. Why are you not meeting them by yourself? Do what you want to do. Be normal with your side people and meet them as often as you want. If you can't invite them home can you meet them somewhere outside, like in a park or restaurant? Make an effort and maintain the relation. Otherwise you will end up isolating yourself. Anyway his side also doesn't visit you right?

    We have this mental image 'I can only visit with my husband otherwise what will they say. This. That.' But you are punishing only yourself by deciding against meeting them and you will regret it later. Suppose all was well between you two but your h was working or travelling, what you would have done? Gone to meet them right? Do the same now also. It's not a rule that every single time husband has to accompany you. Be normal and casual about it. Of course as soon as you go, they will ask you - it is only polite to enquire. Just make an excuse that he couldn't come. It will be a quick 2 min exchange about your h, after that they will be chatting about other things. Just for that don't avoid your own relatives.
     
  9. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Why only Indian women treat husband like God and put him on a pedestal.?
    Why can't you visit your parents without your husband.
     
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