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Husband deserted me and my little baby to our fate, pls help deal the situation.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Happimom, Dec 8, 2012.

  1. Happimom

    Happimom New IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    I am in trouble and those people who have already visited my previous thread would know what a big story i have been dealing with.

    Now the thing is, my husband came from USA this June and i thought he came here to finally come to terms with me and i was so happy. But as soon as he came, he did not even meet his eye to me and went on forcing my 3 yrs old girl to speak to his parents and sister. My baby was so irritated that she wanted her daddy's affection for he saw her after 1 year. She was so comfortable in sitting on him, but was so annoyed talking to the people on phone who she thought was strangers. In fact they are strangers to her for they did not at all at least come to see her for the whole one year.
    Even though my DH was observing the baby reacting like that, i too requested him not to annoy her more like he did to me, and pls try to develop some bond with his own baby first and then later to think of others.
    He dragged her and went on doing the same, and then my baby started crying. it was on the day of her 3rd Birthday. I got really pissed up and asked him to stay only if he tries his bond with baby and not with others as she was clearly expressing. He immediately got up and started shouting that i kicked him out of the house (i have been staying at my parents place for past 1 and half years ever since i was sent to india). and went away by slamming the door.

    It was so terrifying and since then he stopped calling or coming at all at least to see the baby too..After 10 days, i came to hear from my co sister that he was leaving to USA that night along with his father and mother. My jaw dropped. Here baby and i had been waiting every second for him in a hope that he would come and take us back and look after good, and he taking his parents there instead of us, leaving me and baby here to our fate. I immediately went to his house along with my father and brother to try to stop him. He made me stand under the sun for 5 hrs and later brought my own co sister as a shield to him to escape from the entire situation.
    I put my foot down finally and told him clearly not to step out of the city. My co sister finally made them to postpone the tickets for 3 days and said they would come to my place for negotiations. Next day they came and most of my elders were also present there.

    The way my DH spoke in front of everyone made them all so shocked that they all said that they had heard about my DH mentality all these years from me, but that day they had clearly seen him acting like that...So he as usual increased his tone to full volume and made everyone shut their mouths including me...
    And did not come to any conclusion from that panchayat and left saying he would come this november to continue the negotiations...... The respect we gave got him to this point....

    And they 3 left for USA. A week ago when i asked when he was coming, he said he was sending his parents back and that he was not coming..

    He has been neglecting/deserting me and aswell as the little girl..He is spoiling the future too...I neither do not wish to approach police nor woman protection...I have consulted few lawyers and others who suggested to
    to meet any authority in his company hyd and tell them about my situation
    and what steps would make him get back to us, or atleast we get there to him...because i know a friend who also worked as a project manager until recently with the same company where my DH works, strongly saying to approach the HR to at least they would contact him and tell him to settle the issues with me.
    my Dh should strongly get a warning sign to his actions and that is only possible with his company


    Do you ladies here have any input/suggestions on this? He is being irresponsible and trying to lose me and baby on purpose and uses the cheap trick abusing i am not mentally sound.....But i dont want to leave him just like that...

    i am not sure if i had written the situation clearly, if not, i would request you to go through my past posts long back so that my plight may be clearly undersood..

    thanks ladies and would wait to hear some good suggestions...
     
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  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Company (workplace) has nothing to do with his personal family issues.
    Consult a Family Attorney to figure out a legal plan.
     
    2 people like this.
  3. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Where are you now? India or US? (Your country says US.) And what is his status in US? Which visa? If he does not start your visa processing soon, and if you really feel he has indeed deserted you and is not coming back, you can always lodge a police complaint. Of course, let him know that you intend to do that. So he knows you are serious about your staying together.
     
  4. bujji_1522

    bujji_1522 Silver IL'ite

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    Bringing in his company into your family issues will do no good. They will not be able to take any step against ur hubby and approaching his office will put you in much more bad situation.

    Consult a family lawyer.
     
  5. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    If you are India, I don't think logding a Police compaint will work. Not sure what was the purpose of asking for the visa ?

    I am not sure what will the police do in such matter. They will say "resolve it yourself". I would suggest get elders involved from both parties and try to resolve the differences.
     
  6. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Taking this matter to his workplace will further aggravate the situation.So don't talk about this to HR.

    Since you are staying away for nearly 11/2 yrs,have you taken a job?is your daughter still crazy on her dad or is she ok with you?

    if you want to compromise with your H and stay with him,leave everything aside and ask him to take you back to US and try to adjust to his nature.Even though he has deserted you he will not take any initiative until you ask him to take you back.A man's ego will prevent him from doing what is right for the family.

    if not,take a job for yoursef and ask you H to come back from US and settle in India citing your job reasons and child's education if he is not on H1/GC.
     
  7. DURGARAJ

    DURGARAJ Silver IL'ite

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    Taking this matter to the workplace will not help anyway. Better thing is ask your elders to talk to him in this matter. In the present scenario the good thing is to find the job for yourself and join your kid in the playschool. With the help and support from your parents, try to gain confidence in yourself.
    Keep on thinking about going to US will not resolve the problem , you don't know even after coming to US he may not change his behavior and may leave you alone.
    For some days or months don't call him or talk to him, get his news from somebody else. That way he might think about you and your kid.
     
  8. Happimom

    Happimom New IL'ite

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    Ladies , i have gone through all the stages,,

    1. all the elders in the families have tried to resolve the problems past 6 yrs, but he cares no on and even his family members are also fed up with him
    2. there happened some issues from him and in turn he tried to cut his wrist, cops intervened, warned him, and we planned to come back to india and situatins occured that he said he would join us soon and sent us back here..
    3. i first of all did not want to bring indian police into the pic and wanted to set the issues right frm the smaller steps...and it is clear that he stopped listening to the family elders from his side too and 3rd party from outside is very much needed.
    4. i have found a job here in hyd but staying at parents place is so difficult for these many months...and cannot afford to take a small room and live just with a small baby..that will cause eeven more problems
    5. before he tried to ran away to usa with his parents, i almost lodged a complaint, but when my co sister said she made them postpone the tickets for 3 days and came to my place the next day, we all tried to resolve the issues with my DH, but he was sooo very arrogant and everybody was dumb struck to see his idiocy. He said he would have to go report in the office in usa just in 3 days and would come back in november to continue for settlements. Stopping him forcibly i thought was not the intention,,,my family , elders and i want him to realize and come on his own..but the more i am waiting the more he is playing cheap and trying to lose us (vadilichukuntunnadu) and i dont want it to happen...
    6. Although i am trying to build up my confidence, being away from my own family, depending on my parents (not financially) is making me so disturbed.. and no woman can bear this...
    7. Now he is sending his parents back to india after 5 months and as he said he would come, drop them and work on rebuild the marriage..but he as usual escapes from the consequences of his actions...
    8. my daughter asks me daily about her father and when he would come...she even takes his photos and hides it under her pillow...this makes my heart squeeze...and even when i told him, he just pretends to be sooo good on phone but his actions are speaking more than his fake words....
    9. and he also did not send a single rupee ever since he sent us to india here and in June when i stopped him from going to usa , and when they came to my place to talk, i asked him to maintain me and baby until he comes in november...
    10.I wwant him to know him strongly that wife and child are not the one for his money like sending to a concubine or a second wife and illegitamate child...I am his legally wedded wife and the baby is our legitimate child born there.
    11. He cannot escape from his responsibilities just like athat for this long and i want to put my foot down very firmly to shake his ground...I have had enough tolerated his harassment for nearly 8 yrs now and with a great difficulty i gained strength to face him...
    12. Approaching the police here makes the situation even more worst which i know would fill grudge and hatredness in his heart against me and i cannot expect him to be good to me in the future...
    13. i am wishing to make this good and happy and thought to take a smaller step to see if i see any change in him...

    i am sorry if i missed anything here..just typing it very fast keeping both eyes on my already woke up baby now....

    pls let me know if you get any suggestions after reading these points...

    thanks in advance
     
  9. BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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    File RCR. Ask him to explain why he has abandoned you from his society.

    i cannot say how this will suit you as you want to solve without any legal options. But RCR can be filed from court and considered as civil suit
     
  10. Happimom

    Happimom New IL'ite

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    Going through legal stream has been definitely kept aside from the beginning. I would not really wanted him to be on road again since his mother had already damaged him and his father, sister when he was in his teens. And that is the reason why i always made sure i try to resolve issues within the family or the elders from both sides to avoid his psychological breakdown. Even though he is leaving me with no other option other than legal, i am still trying it hard to hold on to the edge of the thread.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2012

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